You are here

The Six Phases of Stepmotherhood

Auteur's picture

*adapted from the six stages of a project

1. Enthusiasm
2. Disillusionment
3. Panic
4. Search for the Guilty (free ranger BM then guilty daddy)
5. Punishment of the Innocent (SM)
6. Praise and Honours for the Non Participants (free ranger BM and guilty daddy)


Auteur's picture

I think that comes earlier for SM than DH somewhere around stage four. GG STILL trusts the Behemoth to this day. Like she wasn't going to stop that stupid letter in it's tracks just b/c it was addressed to the "skids"


Auteur's picture

IF you can get to stage six without chewing off a limb in sheer anger, resentment and frustration you're doing well.

Auteur's picture


I would tell any woman now to NEVER EVER date a man with children. A divorced man with no children is a much better option.

Any woman where she gets ZERO support from the biodad I would tell her to exit as fast as her two feet can carry her. It's a no win game for SM.

Auteur's picture

Dear, if you can run do so NOW!! You don't want to be saddled with a bunch of felons for life do you? It's been almost nine years for me with no changes other than the three brats PASed out. You'd think "peace and quiet" right? NOPE GG mourns and pines them every day. He self medicates and deceives himself into thinking they're pining after him. . .NOT!!

They are having the time of their lives with free ranger Behemoth clan (BM's family) and sugarSTEPdaddy, Snuffy.

They are allowed to fail school. The grades are so low that they are off the bottom of the chart. Not b/c they can't do the work--b/c they aren't MADE to do the work. Behemoth clan's motto: don't feel like doing something (brushing teeth, doing homework, going to bed at reasonable hour) then just don't do it.

Auteur's picture

Well it was adapted from "six stages of a project" which ASSUMES that at SOME POINT the project WILL be successful.

Which we all know MTF (mean time to failure) occurs anywhere between 2 years and 12 years generally speaking. With a success rate of .01

starfish's picture

sometimes what makes you sadder is when the dust clears a little and you can see that bm wasn't really the problem or as much of it as you had been forced to believe.

duct_tape's picture

1. Hope
2. Dread
3. Frustration
4. Fury
5. Resentment
6. Acceptance

bi's picture

i was never at the enthusiasm stage, i started right out at disillusionment. i thought it was possible for sd19 and i to have a good relationship. wth was i thinking? i can't just come along 12 years after fdh and bm split, 4 years after fdh and his previous gf split, and steal her dad away and change him and expect her to like me! i should have known that he was supposed to spend his whole life alone so he focus solely on sd and stayed the hell out of her territory. i had no right to expect that it was ok for 2 adults to be in a relationship with one another. if daddy has a gf, that means he must love sd less. (eye roll).

i went from disillusionment, to anger and regret, to hatred, to disengagement, then slowly to re-engaging a very little and just accepting that sd and i will never have personalities that complement each other. i am polite and nice to her, but i accept no shit and i don't go the extra mile. i did enough of that in the beginning. i don't continue to put myself out there for people who treat me like toilet paper. she's lucky she gets as much as she does out of me.

Auteur's picture

I never was at "enthusiastic" either.

1. I could see straight away that GG was going to parent by guilt

2. I also could see that although GG "trusted" the BM that she was going to be pure HELL ON WHEELS

3. The skids were alienated from me right from the beginning by BOTH parents. GG would tell them that I was basically a "nobody" just daddy's "friend." He reinforced AD NAUSEUM that I was NOT their parent (secret meaning: that I had zero authority and 100% responsibility)

4. GG was paying the Behemoth ALL of his salary for six whole months (while living with me) without a penny to me and thought this should be entirely acceptable to me for the rest of all eternity. I kid you not. It was then that I knew this was a completely deranged situation but i kept plodding on like an idiot.

Unhappy's picture

Auteur, you make a fine point. It's amazing how smart we think we are until we realize that we're stupid.

I have no idea what phase or state I'm in. FDH spends every waking moment with FSS when he's around. I've gotten to the point that I just walk in the door from work and find something to do like laundry or picking up the house up. It beats the hell out of sitting in the living room watching daddy and golden child sit together and cuddle and giggle with each other.

We used to fight about this all the time. He always says you never come into the livingroom to spend time with me. Well Duh FDH. FSS is already in your lap. I've finally gotten to the point where I've just given up on the whole idea of FDH being able to balance being a prent and having a relationship. The funny thing is he's always complaining about how FSD wants nothing to do with him and FSS does. No FDH. FSD just gave up. Just like I did.

I keep thinking that by the time this kids out of the house I'm going to almost be 50 and that's when he turns 18. He may not leave. Scares the hell out me actually. FDH just expects me to wait my turn. I actually sent him a text earlier today asking him what he's going to do when FSS grows up and moves out? I already know the answer to that one. That's when I come into the picture. Yeah for me. I'll be all used up, wrinkly, saggy boobs, and old. I can't wait to start living my life with him at the point. It'll be awsome. (Sigh)

I' sorry. I probably got a little off of the point. I'm just having a bad day.

If anyone can tell me what phase that is please don't hesitate to let me know.

starfish's picture

good luck with that:

"Overall, success will come for me when DH lays the blame at his son's feet and no one else's."

i wouldn't hold my breath.