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Dealing with a BM and/or skid with a disability/disorder.

Anon2009's picture

I know a lot of us deal with bi-polar BMs, and BMs who have other disorders, which may or may not be diagnosed.

A lot of these disorders are hereditary. I.e. my mom has Asperger's Syndrome and so do I.

How do you deal with your skids and BMs that have disabilities/disorders? Do you think a lot of their actions are related to their disability/disorder? Do you think that, despite their disabilities/disorders, they still know what they're doing to us and our partners and that what they're doing is wrong? Do you think that they hide behind their disability/disorder as an excuse?

There are some skids who are blogged about here whom I think could really use some professional help but their parents don't bother to get them any. I really think these "parents" are doing their kids a great disservice because these kids truly need help in dealing with their disbilities/disorders.

As for the BMs, if they know they have BPD or any other disability/disorder, they should be seeking professional help for that. There are government services out there that can help them if they cannot afford to seek treatment on their own.


AlexandraL's picture

Well, I had/have empathy for the exBM in that she does have issues -- OCD/anxiety disorder. I think many of the things that drove me wild (including letting her untreated illness affect her daughter, which negatively affected me)are related to her disorders. That being said, she's just another product of a messed up situation, child of divorce, bad parenting, overly coddled child that grew up into someone who expects others to carry her.

I agree, parents are doing their kids a real disservice when they do not take their kids to counseling when it's obvious there is a problem. It is sad that mental illness is still so stigmatized in this country. No one would have a problem taking their child to the doctor for a medical disorder. I feel like mental illness is every bit as real as physical illness...mental illness in fact can also be a precursor to physical illness and can negatively affect people with chronic illnesses.

Colorado Girl's picture

Yes, my skids' mom is dx'd Borderline/bipolar.

Most of her actions are REactions. She has a mood disorder and becomes dysregulated.

She's doing the best she can with the hand she was dealt. I can't hold her to the standard of someone who isn't suffering from a mental illness... that's not fair to her or me. She'd never be capable of meeting that standard and I'd be forever frustrated expecting her to.

So I accept her. I also know that what I think she should be doing isn't really a part of that. Her disorder causes her to be unaccountable most of the time. To actually feel blame causes her such emotional stress that she just projects that blame outward...

I can't imagine being her... and it really sucks being on the receiving end of that as well. It's hard all the way around and so sad that it has to be this way. Sad

But it just is what it is... and we'll make the best of it. Smile

skylarksms's picture

I have no idea whether our BM has been diagnosed with whatever it is that has whacked her out so bad.

I do know that she has been to multiple therapists since she was a child and was even sent by her parents to go live with her aunt and uncle across the country when she was younger.

If she HAS been diagnosed, she's not on the right meds! Or she wasn't when the kids were younger anyway.

Sounds like her normal response to my DH when she would do something mean that he didn't understand was, "Because I'm a b*tch, that's why!"