If you read my blog yesterday, you know that Valentine’s Day started off a little rocky. And man did it end up interesting.

Earlier this week, I went back to my old home town (hour away) and stayed Tues and Wed nights at my best friend’s house to spend time with her and see my BS. I was only supposed to go Wed but decided to go early because FDH decided that despite having the kids Wed night and that he’d be with them all day Thursday and all this weekend that he still needed to go visit them Tues. Instead of sitting around all night waiting, I decided I wanted to have some enjoyment too.

So, I was there yesterday (worked from there too). FDH spent the morning taking SD11 to the doctor. She’s the one with huge issues right now and is not attending school (long story). After work, I packed up and came home to find a lovely house. Candles lit in the foyer, roses on the table with a card and FDH working hard on a delicious gourmet meal. Despite being irritated that he’d dragged me along on VD plans, I wanted to put that behind us and enjoy the beautiful evening he was trying to create.

As he was cooking, I sat at the table and we chatted. Because I’d been gone, he was catching me up on all the family drama (SKs school, BM about to be fired today, BM complaining she’s losing her house b/c court last week changed CS to exclude SK18 and made it retroactive to wipe back support too, etc…) So I start feeling a little annoyed that he was having all these in-depth conversations with BM about her job, etc… It’s not his issue and she should call her own boyfriend if she needs a sounding board. FDH is not her husband and friend anymore. I made a statement to the tune of “Here we go again with the ‘ol husband/wife thing again.” Since it was Valentine’s Day and we really did want to have a nice night, I suggested we not talk about that anymore.

So we sit down to this very lovely meal he’s prepared and we’re chatting. He was asking me about my time away. He said that he no longer has an issue with me taking off sometimes when the kids are here because he understands that anyone’s kids other than your own would get on your nerves after a while. I didn’t go there but I wanted to say “While that’s true, I could handle them a lot better if you enforced rules and made SD11 act her age and get the whining, fussing and tantrums to stop.” But I didn’t. I just thanked him for understanding.

Now, the conversation is veering into dangerous territory because here we are on Valentine’s Day talking about the damn kids. Naturally, he keeps talking about them and wants to now discuss SD11s therapy visit (which was BM’s week to attend and pay for but he did it without telling me). He was saying he needs to be more attentive to the kid’s school work and I told him I think he’s really stepped up and he’s doing a lot considering their useless mom has them most school nights. Basically, I was supporting him. Somehow he misinterpreted what I said and freaked out on me saying stuff like “Of course, I am a TERRIBLE father. I suck…” No idea how he got that from anything I said. More like BM keeps telling him this. I obviously got mad and we ended up in a yelling match on freaking V Day-- a Bad one. I told him that I felt like BM and the one SD were ruining my life as everything is always about them and I can’t even have ONE freaking day/meal that isn’t. I explained that even if they were my kids, I would want some nights that aren’t about them.

I left out some details but you get the idea. Then he realizes he’s screwed up, comes over and hugs me, tells me he loves me and wants to be with me and work this out and make me happy, etc… Asked if I wanted the same and I said yes. (Now, all of you hear all the nastiness but there are really some major positive things about this man and our relationship. Really good stuff). He says he knows my blood pressure is through the roof but asked me to try to resume a nice evening. We sit on the couch next to the nice fire he built, drink wine, listen to music, he massages my feet (like he does many days), and we eat the delicious chocolate fondue he made for dessert. We ended up having a really great time and then finished it off with some amazing sexy time. He eventually went to bed and I stayed up for a while then fell asleep on the couch (not really my intention but oh well).

This morning he came to kiss me good-bye and told me he missed me sleeping with him. I called him on his way to work to ask if he fed the dog and we ended up talking on the entire commute. Completely unprompted, he said that he is really tired of me being unhappy and he wants to change that. He said he is going to be more thoughtful and respectful when it comes to me. He said he’s realized he can’t let BM’s financial issues become his issue and that his only concern needs to be his kids and me. He was very clear that things are going to change with him, starting now. I’m not sure what specifically he’s thinking but it did sound like he’d suddenly had some revelation during that fight last night. I think telling him they were ruining my life might have done it. Or maybe just the fact that we had a blow-out on V Day made my unhappiness clear. Whatever it was, it was quite clear that I was telling him that I refuse to live this way anymore.

So, it was a wild ride last night but I feel like we might actually be finally getting somewhere. Financial stress will lighten soon with the new CS order. And I hope that he really has seen the light. This is a kid weekend so it should be interesting. But I am going to try to have a positive attitude and take this as a new start. Wish me luck!