OT - abusive partner
Who here has escaped an abuser? Mental, physical, or both?
I am a survivor of abuse. My exh mentally abused me for a very long time. He was water on a rock and his long game was GOOD. He seeped in and wore me down so gradually, that I didn't realize what was going on.
- He isolated me. His friends were my friends - when I was "allowed" to hang out with them. After all, I didn't need friends. HE was my BEST friend! We were PARTNERS! I didn't need anyone but him!
- He gradually isolated me from my family, as well. My sister (best friend) was over 2000 miles away. He insisted we move to a town an hour away from my parents. And he made sure I never visited them without him. After all, he LOVED my parents and, having grown up without a father, he especially loved my Dad. So, cue the fireworks if I wanted to go alone.
- He gaslighted me. I've never forgotten the day he brought me a hot fudge sundae with nuts (which I loathe). He was so insistent that it was what I asked, I believed him and wondered what was wrong with ME.
(Yes, I know that's a poor example of gaslighting, but I've never forgotten.)
- He was so HELPFUL to me. He controlled my wardrobe. After all, I didn't want to look too old or too young or too fat or slutty. The day I stood in front of the closet and ended up on the floor in a panic attack was a Win for him. I never made another clothing choice - not even a pair of socks - until I escaped.
And what precipitated my escape? He effed up. He lost control of himself because he lost control of me.
I somehow realized that things weren't "right". My parents were visiting Mom's side of the family - hundreds of miles away. I asked Dad if I could stay "come home" for awhile while psycho and I tried to work things out. When psycho got home, I told him that I was going to stay at my parents' house.
"OH NO YOU'RE F*CKING NOT!!!"
He grabbed me by the throat, slammed me up against the wall and proceeded to tell me WHY I wasn't leaving. Because he loved me. Because he needed me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...
And when I tried to speak? He started punching me. And throwing me around like a rag doll. And kicking me. And spitting on me. Because he loved me. Because he needed me...
- Two black eyes
- Split lip (stitches inside my lip where my teeth cut through)
- neck laceration from the heavy gold necklace he RIPPED off my neck (steri-strips, no stitches)
- Back lacerations from him throwing me into the kitchen and I broke the back off of a chair. The jagged wood cut into my shirt and skin.
- Severely bruised larynx. The second time he grabbed me by the throat, he lifted me off the floor and choked me until I lost conciousness. It was 6 months before I could speak normally.
After I lost concciousness?
- He dragged me across the kitchen floor, through broken glass. Multiple lacerations that required steri-strips and pieces of glass embedded in both arms.
- Broken ribs from him kicking me.
- Grade 3 concussion from him kicking me.
THIS is why I will always tell someone to leave an abuser. ALWAYS. A "man" who does this does not love you. He is obsessed by you. He needs to control you. He needs you to worship/idolize him.
THIS IS NOT LOVE. These people are incapable of love. They want to suck the life out of you emotionally. And when they're done with you? When they've sucked the life out of you? They will move on to their next victim. BECAUSE THEY NEED TO FEED.