OT - How long do you hold a grudge?
I'm not talking about staying PO'd for years because someone called you a beeyotch (there are days I'm proud to be one - lol!). I'm talking about someone who did a terrible thing(s) to you. Of course, there are different degrees of "terrible" and those can change as we age... Do you:
A) forgive and forget?
forgive, but never forget?
C) forgive, never forget, and continue to harbor resentment?
D) never forgive or forget?
E) never forgive or forget and scheme to get even?
I am definitely a B. Now.
When I was young, I was a C type of person. I would even, on occasion, dream of getting even, but never followed through with my nefarious plans. However, that all changed with the nightmare that was my first husband. He was a master manipulator and gaslighter. Oh, he was so GOOD at it! The mental abuse was so gradual, it was like water beating on a rock. He gradually eroded my confidence, my peace of mind, my everything, until I was an insecure, quivering piece of putty, waiting for him to "mold" me into whatever was needed for the occasion. Pick out my clothes, tell me how to wear my hair, my makeup, how to behave.... I was definitely Sleeping With The Enemy. He messed up, though. One night, he completely lost control and beat me so badly, I ended up in the hospital. My brothers told me if I went back to him, they would have me committed. And, oh, I WANTED to go back. Some of you know what it's like... But with both of my brothers baby-sister-sitting me, and their promise to have me committed to the psych ward if I went back, I got a divorce. The ex still stalked me. For YEARS. Stalked me, terrorized me, tried to kill me... In his mind, I was still his wife and he could do as he pleased!
I decided if I wanted to have peace in my life, I had to stop being a C type of person. Giving Psycho space in my head gave him a place in my life. And he was NOT WORTHY of a place in my life. I've had other people do sh!tty things to me. I forgive, but never forget. I want to "learn the lesson", but not open myself up to that kind of hurt again.
To be honest, I don't know how you FORGET. :?