DH has ADHD, so I get regular e-newsletters about living with ADHD, so I can understand him better.
Today, this article about gaslighting was included and it resonated with me. The central premise is that adults with ADHD often become the victims of gaslighters. I saw BM use his ADHD against him all the time, telling him he was stupid or asked dumb questions or "of course you would say something like that..."
This paragraph in particular struck a chord:
"Gaslighters sense vulnerabilities in a person. They specifically target people who are grieving a loss or who feel inadequate or isolated. If you have ADHD, you probably grew up with the feeling that you were “less than.” You may have had difficulties maintaining friendships or relationships. You may have been dismissed by others who said you were “difficult.”"
DH was almost the perfect storm when he met BM. He had recently lost his father unexpectedly, so he was grieving and he has also felt inadequate his entire life, thanks to MIL always pointing out his ADHD to everyone and having extremely low expectations for him.
The other piece that struck a chord with me was how the only way to move on from a relationship with a gaslighter is to go complete no contact...how many people on this forum who have SOs who can't go no-contact from a gaslighter because they have children with them?