Good news for my beau......
Happy Good Friday ya'll.
My boyfriend just landed a job. Actually, a career. A six figure plus per year, real life changer for him.
I feel like I am in Oz.
As you all know, money was always an issue for me. Ex had no work ethic. I was the breadwinner (and I make a pretty modest salary). I was used to being.... alpha... when it came to finances. I was used to holding it down. I was used to giving more than I received. This was my identity.
So when my SO told me about the new job... I was happy for him... and then immediately uneasy. It brought up some weird feelings. I kind of felt inadequate, like an underachiever. Then I felt relief, because if we end up together, the money/skid resentment will be more tolerable than it was with lazy bum ex.
I try to tell myself I have value. I am smart, I am nice, I look pretty good. But my self esteem is still a bit shaky.
Why do I still feel undeserving of a nice guy who makes good money and adores me? I have never dated someone who makes me feel like such a priority in my life. Why do I get jealous that his ex is in her early 20's and doesn't have crows feet? Why would I be threatened by GOOD NEWS? Am I ruined?!
- AJanie's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I don't think you're ruined.
I don't think you're ruined. We just learn from our pasts. Your ex was useless, you adjusted to being the only one really working and providing, so now that you have someone else helping, it's just going to be another adjustment
Not me, but my DH struggles some with that too. with the ex, she did NOTHING, didn't take care fo the skids, didn't help with money, spent everything, made him clean, etc. So he's having to adjust to having me be willing to actually be a partner. It's not that he's ruined or not happy to have it. It's just that he got so used to it, that he's having to learn to let someone else help out. Which is a tricky adjustment.
So I think it's just learning that others are there for you, you don't have to do it alone and that's okay. You got this! You're not ruined! You're just finally getting the help you deserve and it's weird!
It is so weird. I think he
It is so weird. I think he feels weird having someone help out too because his ex was sort of helpless. You just get so used to your role and then suddenly you meet someone willing to meet you halfway and its a whole new element. I was always a control freak about household bills and money, and he handles all of that, so I am free to just handle my own stuff. For me a marriage was always one person handling all the serious stuff, I never got a shot at a partnership.
Well from the sounds of it,
Well from the sounds of it, you've finally found that shot at an actual partnership
So once you adjust, I say you enjoy it! This sounds BEYOND healthier than you last relationship! I'm happy for you!
I am happy too! Thanks. I
I am happy too! Thanks. I just have to stop being so f*cking negative.
It doesn't seem to me like
It doesn't seem to me like you're being negative. It just feels like you're learning to adjust is all! And there's absolutely nothing wrong with doing that! Every big change in life normally has some kind of adjustment period! And yours is an amazing change! You just have to finish adjusting! You finally have someone willing to be a partner!!!
AJ, are you in therapy?
AJ, are you in therapy? Dating at man who makes minimum wage or 6 six figures should not impacts how you see/feel about yourself.
I did a couple years straight
I did a couple years straight of therapy. I am sure I could still use it, but no I am not in therapy. I am learning to accept myself after several years of being told I was an infertile, lunatic, c*nt who was "disgusting" and no one would ever love me, even the dog didn't love me. I think it is just going to take time to forget all of that.
Well, look who was telling
Well, look who was telling you that, a heroin addict. Pay it no mind.
Not a day goes by when I don
Not a day goes by when I don't think of him saying to me - right as I was packing the boxes in my car - by myself, sweating and exhausted as he stood and watched - to have fun being alone and infertile. It was the most insulting "goodbye" I could have ever imagined.
What a d0uche. He did it
What a d0uche. He did it knowing it was mean and hurtful. Look how much better off you are now that you've moved on. And not being able to have bios is not the end of the world. There are thousands of children out there who need a loving parent. Two of my siblings each adopted 2 children, so I have 4 bonus nieces and nephews.
AJ, you are NOT ruined.
AJ, you are NOT ruined. LIkely, you are still suffering from shellshock from your ex. Congrats to your beau and continue to take it slow!! {{hugs}}
You are not ruined
Aj you are not ruined. You are just learning to adjust and have your moments of depression. At least that’s what it sounds like and I bet you are a great person. I’m so happy to hear your good news. I think the trauma you have been through has caused some underlining of depression but it will go away. It just takes time to heal sweet heart. Our minds are powerful, so just keep telling yourself how blessed you are and how you have a great family and are so lucky to be where you are today. Smile sweetheart! I hope you have a great day!
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Thank you, I appreciate it.
Congrats
Money can't buy happiness as they say, but it sure can make things easier. Your POS ex was hurting so he was just trying to hurt you. Don't let him take up any more space in your head. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship now....enjoy it. My SO treats me like a queen and it was hard to get used to at first because I was so used to being on my own and doing everything. I had to learn to trust him freely. He's a real partner and I love that. Best wishes to you and your BF
AJ = 100% Gold
I can relate! As Shakespeare wrote, "All the world's a stage, and I'm the chief critic." Meaning, we can be our own worst (and 100% HARSH) critics. Even though it sounds very woo, inner-child work has helped me. I ask myself, would I judge Little StepUltimate (or flat-out another person) as harshly as I judge myself? Usually the answer is no, and I need better self-perspective.
Your fears or unease make so much sense given all you've been through with Ex, so I encourage you to be gentle with yourself as you adjust to all these massive changes. Always glad to see you posting updates. Happy Friday!!