I apologize now for what will be a long blog...

My BD14's biodad started an affair with his Soulmate (evidently not me, the woman he chose to marry) when I was pregnant with her and we divorced when she was an infant. He moved out of state before she was even a toddler. He visited her a couple times as a pre-schooler and then has flown her out to visit every other year or so since she was 6. He calls her once every couple months. She seems to love him, at least she used to, but really barely knows him.

OK... so I am 41 and I just got married. Me and my husband dated a year before we got married. He has a 10 and a 12 year old daughter. We get along good. But I times I soooo feel like I am in over my head. I have NEVER been a parent before and I consider myself a bit selfish about my time. I like to enjoy life.... scuba dive, travel, fine dining... well, you can't do that when every weekend you have kids. I am not used to having to deal with whining, or temp tantrums and in-laws...lol. Our 12 yr old SD wants to live with us and I am pretty sure she doesn't want her sister to move in.

Last week I wrote a mega-entry about the last month or so, kind of summarizing for my own mind and organizing my thoughts about what has happened in the last month since I found Step Talk and read Stepmonster. I explained the Big Conversation I had with SO about how it wasn’t so much his daughter that was bothering me, but his guilty/permissive parenting and his putting the whims/manipulations of a 6 year old ahead of our relationship, plus giving our relationship some priority.

Camping trip was JUST what I thought! H3LL!!!!!!!!!!! SD13 sat and pouted for hours at a time.....didnt open her mouth when i was around BUT chatted like a mag-pie while I was out of sight! SD13 sat and passed out nasty looks day after day! I tried my best to not let it bother me.... PROBLEM: DH did NOTHING! even after saying that he would not let SD13 disrespect me!

Ugh..something else! It's never ending.

BM sent DH a text last week. Said SD wouldn't be with us this weekend blah blah blah. DH told BM SD be at the drop off place at the right time or else blah blah.

Surprisingly BM's parents showed up with SD. On the way to pick up SD, DH ended up in a FOUR car pile up in our new(er) jeep. A drunk driver was speeding behind DH when he and 3 other cars stopped at the stop light. Driver didn't stop and totaled the jeep and hurt DH's neck. DH hit a car and that car hit the car in front of them.

he is dating someone exclusively and we aren't even divorced.he decided he would be "a mature adult"and tell me all about this woman as though I care and like it's something i need to know.What is it with men who cannot wait until their first marriage is over before jumping into another relationship?Now before the bashing brigade jumps on me I realize some divorces take years before they're final but keep in mind for my situation we haven't even been apart for sixth months yet.If someone cannot wait til the divorce papers are signed at LEAST wait a year or 6months at the minimum.And what is

I am a stepmom to a 3 and a half yr old little boy. I'm dealing with so much in my mind right now, and I feel like no one truly understands. I don't like putting my husband in the position to chose, but his mother, to me at least, can be ridiculous at times.

In the ongoing saga of "do I stay or do I go" I still am having the angry feelings. I am, however, trying to look past them. I am trying to just exist. That, however, is the problem. I don't want to just exist. It really bothers me that my feelings for him are just frozen. I don't look at him (SO) like I even like him anymore. IT REALLY BOTHERS ME!

SS called me this morning. He said a very good producer at a music company is going to be teaching SS everything and help him get started in the industry. He said it was a lot more money than just songwriting. He was very very excited. He said he wanted to tell someone and I was the only one he could think of. And then he says I am not allowed to tell his father. He is still angry with him. I promised I would not. I am so proud of SS. But I think it is very sad that a child cannot tell his own parents such amazing news.