Well...we had our joint counselling session yesterday. We discovered how some of our previous relationship "baggage" affects how we argue...and how things escalate..from there

We feed off each others reactions ...

1) if he thinks I'm being distant...
......then he backs off

2) he backs off.....then I feel distant

His x tortured him with constant cold shoulder/silent treatment/being distant/ HE can't stand it....He feels totally unloved/abandoned/alone..etc.. he has a hard time dealing with it (I didn't understand the depth of his feelings on this)

Am 45, English guy, living with my French partner in Spain. SD is Spanish, from Spanish BIODAD. He is a loser but SD worships him..her does zip for her. SD is 17 and ALWAYS angry, and always shouting and saying how she hates the home, her mom, me.. and has been so bold as to state she has an aim to split us up! BIOMOM hates to confront, but I think she (SD) needs some discipline.

YEt when I ask why SD is angry with me, I am accused of lack of understanding and tolerance. How can I understand, I didn't have the past 17 years to prepare me for today!!

This morning BM came to drop SD (4) off for the afternoon. I could hear SD crying and BM screaming at her before they even got to my door. I opened the door and BM SCREAMS "Get to your F***ing room now". SD was hysterical and went to her room. I asked BM what happened she said that her boyfriend and her had gotten into a fight on the way over here and when she got out of the car he left. He was supposed to be taking BM to the dentist. She said SD was "being a little brat and freaking out".

I feel like I cannot win with my SD. This child is 10 years old and every time I say something to her she back talks to me. If she does not get her way, she will throw a fit and cry, scream and throw things and make everyone’s life terrible. We have been going through this for three years now, and full time for me since my husband took his new job and I have to pull all the weight with raising my SD.

We found out last night that biomom has LOST her CS check for Sept. Now we may have to stop payment on it! My husband called her last night and she asked him if it was cashed! Hello, she didn't know if she cashed it or not!!! What kind of crap is that? Did she think that her ex-boyfriend cashed it?

We have to send her a check for Oct. next week! I guess the CS isn't very important to her. I would be at the bank cashing that check right after I got it. That gives you some kind of idea of what her house is like!

BF, SS, and I had another of our talks the other day, again at biomom's request. She's developed a habit of calling 3 or 4 times each day SS is with us. She didn't used to call as much but recently it's almost every few hours. One particular time she was on the phone with SS for quite some time encouraging him to have a talk with us. We heard her coaching SS on what to say to us because we had her on speakerphone. She told him to tell me that he didn't like me and didn't want me to be a part of his life.

Just wanted to say thank you to all of you. The response of thoughts and prayers was a bit overwhelming. I appreciate it so much. Words can not explain how much it means so me to have all of your support. Heard the MRI results and they showed another mass in the same breast. The other breast looks good and no worries there. I see the surgeon tomorrow afternoon but the way the doctor talked my options are pretty much one option and that is having the entire breast removed. I'm not a vane person usually but the thought of losing a breast is so hard to deal with right now.

Thanx to this website's creator that allows people to share their experiences and advise. I met my current BF almost 7 yrs ago when he was separated from his wife though not legally. He'd been married for 13 yrs and 9 of those years had been hell. He is the kind who believes in staying in a bad marriage for the kids sake. He has 2 kids. After a while he said he wanted to work things out again with his wife. He went back to his wife, things were o.k. at the beginning then the wife went back to her old ways of seeing other men which was the initial reason they had separated.

Just a little observation from Monday night. Youngest SD & finance were over helping set up a surround sound system. SD had just baked a pie and brought some over... While we were downstairs..she went upstairs and fixed up plates of pie.forks..and brought them down for everyone. (Pie was delicious too) So later she's gathering up the dirty plates *shock* (as Fearless might say) to take them upstairs & put them in the dishwasher... Dad JUMPS up to take the first one from her and says "I'll get those!".. She insists on doing it herself!!!

Okay so we heard through the “grape vine” that SD5’s mother had flown to Vegas last weekend when we had the kids and gotten married…now she did tell us that she was “going out of town” for the weekend and would pick SD5 up late on Sunday…NEVER SAID A WORD about getting married!