The last few weeks of StepTalk have left me reminiscing about our HCBM and our toxic co-parenting journey, specifically how I found StepTalk and how much we have grown since. I came to StepTalk in 2019. DH and I were newlyweds (despite being together for 6 years) and we had just initiated a custody battle with HCBM to enforce DH's parental rights that she continued to violate after moving out of state.

At the time, BM and GF were texting and emailing DH daily with lengthy, high conflict, threatening messages, about me, him, our life together, how much we were ruining SS, etc. SS was struggling in the middle, and I didn't think DH and I were going to make it. I had been on another SP support site, but it was completely unhelpful, telling us to give up everything, cooperate with HCBM and HCGF and do better at co-parenting. I felt like I didn't have a sounding board that wasn't filled with scrutiny and started questioning whether we were right at all. It was crazy making and I felt like I was drowning in the abuse and toxicity. Then I found StepTalk and I finally found "my people." 

Since 2019, we have finished out our unsuccessful custody battle, grieved and accepted those results, dealt with HCBM and GF's continued antics, have learned how to hold stronger boundaries and to work towards disengagement, have moved, have welcomed DD3 and are now welcoming another DD in December. So much has changed since then and I am so proud of how far DH and I have come. Not only have we survived, we have thrived, despite HCBM and GF's best efforts. 

DH and I have had a relatively calm summer since SS13 left in June. I have had some health complications related to this pregnancy, but my medical team is being very proactive in their approach. DH and I are working to finish our basement (where SS will be moving to when he visits) and we are working on starting the nursery for next DD. The remainder of our summer has been spent focusing on our family unit of 4 and celebrating these next steps. DH and I are doing great and our relationship is solid despite the events with SS earlier this summer. 

DH still speaks with SS13 weekly. Going from 2 phone calls per week to once per week has made a huge difference and it feels like SS takes up less brain space in our everyday lives. DH texts SS at least weekly but typically doesn't get a response or gets a thumbs up or a smiley face. DH did mail SS a back to school card last week as a "thinking of you." DH is trying, but he also isn't chasing/going overboard. SS knows where to find us if he wants us. BM is continuing to email DH at least weekly with frivolous updates, which DH is either responding "Thanks for the update" or not responding at all. SS has complained to DH over the last few phone calls about how boring his summer with BM and GF has been (since they promised him the best summer ever and then failed to do any of it). What was supposed to be several vacations and fun turned into visiting GF's elderly parents every other weekend and "sitting around" at their house 3.5 hours north. Outside of that, SS is reading, practicing sports and sitting around the house while BM and GF work. DH basically shrugged and gave an "oh well." We knew this would be the case as BM and GF always over promise and under deliver, but SS will have to learn this lesson on his own. SS will be visiting for Labor Day weekend, which should be uneventful as we have a garage sale and basement renovation work planned for that whole weekend. Multiple sets of family members will be helping so I will be plenty distracted that whole weekend. Then we only have one final visit with SS13 at Christmas (7 days) to wrap up 2025 visits. 

Thank you, StepTalk for your years of community. I am hoping to follow wherever we land (thank you, Aniki). This community's advice has been invaluable and I swear it's the only reason DH and I are mostly sane and on solid ground today. You all are the best!