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BM Told SS that she Regrets Divorcing DH - DUH!

step off already's picture

We were at a family party yesterday (without SS13 since he was at BM's for visitation) and Step-FIL was chatting us up. SS13 will often stay the night at MIL and SFIL's house and will confide in them.

SFIL starts out by saying that SS seems to be enjoying the time he spends at his mom's (as prior to last summer, she was basically absent for 7 years). DH chimes in that it's nice to see her taking some responsibility for her child and its nice for SS to get to know his mom.

Then SFIL busts out with, "ya, I guess she told SS13 that she regrets divorcing DH". Well, of course she does. He paid all the bills, she got to spend her paycheck on whatever she wanted, he handled all of the child care - dropping and picking SS up, meals, etc. She had it made AND she just partied, partied, partied and came and went as she pleased. Um, ya. A free ride without any responsibility sounds good to me too.

BM now lives with her friend/girlfriend that she left DH for back when SS was 5 and her GF's parents. She has struggled with alchohol and is a pot head, claims she is "low income" and only works 7 hours a week (I call bullshit on that). She drives the same old used car that she bought back when her and DH were together and looks a wreck.

Even though I know that DH is head over heels in love with me and calls me the love of his life, it still bothered me to wonder what he must be thinking hearing that she regretted the divorce. (Since BM was absent, DH never actually filed for divorce until I came along and helped him with everything. He never knew where she was and was always afraid his son would be taken away so he didn't rock the boat. Dumb, I know).

I asked him two or three times if he regretted the divorce. Finally he asked me why I kept asking him that and if someone said something at the party. I had to remind him that we ALL had a discussion about BM and SS. He said, "Oh, I just tune everything out when her name comes up so I didn't hear."

Then of course he assured me that he despises her for everything she did to him and SS and thinks of me as his angel and he truly admires me. He also said, "well, she got pregnant, so it was very different. I chose you." Then I said, "yes, but you wanted to have a baby at that time." and he said, "well, I really should have shopped around more."

I love him!

... and continue to feel nothing but pity for this woman who now, apparently, realizes all that she walked away from. No, DH is not rich by any means, but he is a really true and loyal man - exactly the type of person you'd want on your side forever Smile

Oh, and it's our one year anniversay tomorrow!

Comments

step off already's picture

You're right. She came from a pretty pathetic family. At one point DH was supporting BM, along with her father, cousin and sister while BM was out cheating. Even after BM decided to leave and become an official lesbian with her new relationship, it took DH two years befor he gave up and moved an hour away to be near his family.

She had it good - especially compared to the life she was provided by her family and the life she leads now.

DH swears that she used to be different/ responsible befor she met the girlfriend. I think she just needed sOmeone to give her permission to give up on everything and be just as crummy of a mother as hers was.

I think she also thought that DH would always be there and that she could eventually go back to him and be a family since he never filed for divorce. He also wasnt planning on getting serious with anyone untill SS was 18. Then of course, we met. It took him a very long tIme go actually start dating me, but once we did, we knew immediately what a great match we were.

Anyway... Thanks for the anniversary wishes!! I feel very, very lucky to be with this man. Baggage and all.

tryingmom's picture

Those pesky BM's and their never knowing that the grass isn't greener over on the other side, same BS there too.

BM regrets the divorce for the boys....right, she misses the fact that all her bills were paid by DH and he took care of the house, cooking and children and she cheated her way around. Had her cake and ate it too.

step off already's picture

Exactly! My DH is loyal almost to a fault. She was cheating, lieing, using, and even hitting attacking him and he stayed because that's what he thought was the right thing. It took him two years, after she actually took off (and would stroll in as she wished) to actually leave himself.

I really pitty her. She's jealous of me. Jealous of DH (he is no longer her prisoner). Jealous of our family. Jealous of what we provide he son. Jealous of everything that she will never, never have.

oldone's picture

I don't think DH's ex wife regrets divorcing him but she is PISSED beyond belief that he is married to me. DH and I have a great life style. Ex is a snobbish social climber (that no one likes).

She divorced DH to go back to her ex because he started making more money. She left DH basically with the shirt on his back. She wanted him to suffer and be penniless.

DH and I have two homes (tiny but she doesn't know that) in great locations, memberships in places she could never go, and because I am politically active we have access to a lot of things she doesn't. She HATES it. Believe me DH and I are nothing special but in her warped mind we have things that she can't have so she hates us.