How I became a fulltime stepmom.
My DH went to pick up the kids last Christmas for a week (picked them up on 12/21). The skids come with a plastic tote each (total of 4 kids). Something I found very odd because they have never been allowed to bring anything but the clothing on their backs. My DH has always had to have clothing for them for when they visit. Each tote had a bow on it and the skids said they were Christmas gifts. Odd right?
Christmas morning came and we gave the skids the gifts we had for them and then moved on to the totes. To my DH and my surprise it was the skids things. Surprise we are moving in with you guys. WHAT???!!!! No previous warning from BM, well of course not, that would require her to have to talk to my DH. She has refused to talk to him for years. All the communication has always done between the skids thru email. My DH was delighted. He loves his kids very much. I was in shock. Don't get me wrong I love his kids, but when we got married never in my wildest dreams did I ever think we would have custody of the skids. My mind was racing with questions... what kind of mother abandons her kids? Wait is this a joke? Really how do you react to something like this? At this point my DH and I had only been married for 2 years. I have 3 kids of my own 2 are adults and living on their own and my youngest is at college but living with her dad to save money on housing.
We have had the kids for almost 6 months and she has made no effort to see the skids. At one point she told the kids that if she picked them up they would need to stay in a hotel because she got rid of their beds. WHAT???!!!! What kind of a mom is this? Then she said she would only be able to pick up one at a time starting with the youngest. Again all of this is said to the kids because talking to the adults in the household is out of the question.
My hope is to be the best mom I can possibly be for my skids.
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Comments
Wow, how sad for those kids.
Wow, how sad for those kids. And what a change for you!
Our Bm did something similar
Our Bm did something similar about a year ago! Just hers was "I'm getting my life back on track!" Here we are a year later, she sucks possibly even worse than a year ago. Now she has a baby with the druggie bf. Ours still pops in every few months though to snap pictures and go on about how awesome of a mom she is. NOPE!
As to the question of what kind of a mom does that... Not a good one! Imho, giving birth doesn't make you a mom, it's the actions following that make or break that ROLE. Good for you for oding your best for them! I know (also as a fulltime SM) that some days are rough as he!! and just make you want to scream!
They're lucky to have you, even on days they don't realize it. Stay the course!!! They'll start changing too. I know mine have started to be better behaved, they function, they strive to improve, and they've grown (they were malnourished before). I'm sure you've started seeing changes too!
Way to roll with that punch! If you haven't already. See about taking her to court to get a legally binding CO, that way should she decide spontaneously in the future, she can't tear them away from their norm to fit her whim. We've found anytime she does pop in it actually upsets them more than anything.
Holy crap... those poor kids!
Holy crap... those poor kids! Thank goodness they have you guys! I can't imagine how shocking that would be and how I would feel in your shoes.
I would have spiked the
I would have spiked the eggnog and proceeded to drink my weight of it!
OMG
She is insane. You can't change her. Imagine what those kids will think once the realization settles in that their mom dumped them. I am glad that you and your dh have the ability to provide a sense of normalcy with them. you and dh will have to have many many talks about the house rules and expectations and to get those implemented asap so that you all can develop a routine. Also discuss what your role will be with the kids and set forth clear rules and consequences. and take time to have bonding moments.
Thank you so much to all of
Thank you so much to all of you that have responded. I thought I was the only one going thru anything like this until I found this site. thank you so much
Tell your DH to stop
Tell your DH to stop communicating thru the skids. He should ignore all requests from the kids until he speaks to their Mother. BM doesn't tell him the plans, they skids don't go with her to visit.
I hope he went to court and got it formalized and Child Support from her.
I also went from empty nest, and loving life, to full time 3 kids bc BM lose custody. AFter 8 years, they are now out of my house but it is rough when you have raised your own and want a break from kids.
Oh honey, our BM hasn't seen
Oh honey, our BM hasn't seen her kids in almost 6.5 years.
What kind of mother abandons her children? A really shitty one.