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No Christmas presents from BM

Stepmom2345's picture

On 12/21 it was officially 1 year the kids have been living with us full time.  We had some good times and some bad times.  The skids seem to be adjusting well… I guess we all are.


My kids came for a week during Christmas, this was the first time all 3 of my kids were together with all 4 of the skids.  Really wasn’t too bad.  My kids are older…. 21, 25 and 29… 3 grandbabies are 1, 3, and 5 and a 1 son in law.  Skids are 11, 13, 15, 18.  I have all girls and the grandbabies are all girls also.  Skids are boys except the oldest is a girl. 


All in all, I think everyone had a good time.  When my kids were younger, and I was a single mom struggling to make ends meet I would buy a lot of cheaper items like coloring books and crayons and wrap everything separate to make it look like there were a lot of gifts under the tree.  As they got older I would have them make a Christmas list with various items at different price ranges.  There was always one big gift… the expensive gift. Some years this was $20 gift other years a $50 gift.  But no matter what they always had presents under the tree.  Now that they are adults, I buy gifts in the $50 to $100 price range for the younger two.  Both are putting themselves thru college and don’t even live with me anymore.  My older daughter I will buy a “family gift” and buy presents for the grandbabies.


All of this basically to say BM did not send any gifts to her children and she will not be visiting the kids for Christmas.  I know it's not about the gifts, but for us Christmas was always such a big deal.  


thinkthrice's picture

"not surprised"


Iamwoman's picture

This is not surprising to me either. HCBM's are only "about the children" when it serves their own agenda.

It's hard for real parents like us to understand this sometimes, because we don't stomp our way through life with an agenda that overrides even basic human decency. It is definitely some sort of personality disorder.

advice.only2's picture

Meh we had the same stuff with meth mouth.  Some women should never have children and save society the trouble of cleaning up after that fact.

Jcksjj's picture

BM didnt get SD any presents last year. She did get a ton from her other relatives though on that side so she wasnt bothered by it. I think shes young enough that she didnt pay a ton of attention to who they're from or think it through that much. My sons dad has been absent totally for 3 years so obviously no gift and he got him something about half the time before that. 

Alot of people's reaction to BM was well maybe she cant afford it. She couldn't afford to go to Walmart for a single gift? Yeah right, xmas is the same day every year she had plenty of time to prepare. And if she legitimately couldn't afford it theres a ton of resources in our community for free gifts for needy children. Not much you can do about it though since it's not really a required part of parenting. Definitely agree with above posters though that it's a personality disorder thing. BM def has one and my sons dad is honestly probably more towards sociopathic. 

Stepmom2345's picture

I had a coworker and a family member tell me "she probably can't afford it". If I wasn't able to afford presents for my kids I would atleast send them some homemade cookies or a card.  But I would send something.  

Jcksjj's picture

Yeah that's a bunch of crap. She literally cant save even $20 over the course of a year for a gift? $5 for a movie at Walmart? A couple bucks for a couple things from the dollar store? That's a lack of caring and effort. People refuse to believe that it's possible for a mom to not really care much though.

Harry's picture

Is a excuse.  BM had all year to get something for the kids.  If money is a big thing, then buy thing on sale on July 4. Washington Birthday.  She could bake some, make something.  But it’s a lot easier to sit on her a** and do nothing