BM trying to move to CA-pt2
So I think it was last year (maybe longer) I posted a blog about ss telling us how bm is trying to move to CA because she seems to think the cost of living is "cheaper" (don't ask, thinking she has some sort of connection, she used to live there).
Our court order has a list of "rules" so to speak. Neither parent can leave the state without 30 days notice to the OP, itinerary, contact info, etc must be given. When we brought ss camping in Wisconsin two years ago dh followed the rules to a "T". BM was very demanding in her requests for all types of info regarding this simple camping trip, and dh met all requests with no issue. We had nothing to hide.
Just yesterday when dh went to drop off ss BM informed DH that she was taking ss to California for a week (end of May to June 1st or 2nd). DH said "that's fine, but I need to know where you are going, etc" the same thing she said to him prior. Again, all the rules are on the CO. BM scoffed and said "I don't need to be following that, he's (ss) with me. I never follow that". Now we already know she doesn't follow the CO since she already took ss out of state (chicago) before without telling DH and he found out later from ss. DH never told BM that he knew about the trip for fear of ss getting into trouble with BM. Dh tried calling on his visitation day(given to bm with permission) just to speak to ss and she wouldn't answer her phone.
To this day, BM never told dh about the chicago trip. What can dh do if BM refuses to give him information about this trip? Dh is worried that she might be trying to flee the state, but has no proof yet. And it's not hard to lie about where you are staying, especially when it involves another state. Dh is concerned for ss safety. And ss just randomly told dh that BM is never home because she is working all the time and he never sees her. Now I'm personally hoping she is just working all the time to save up for a fun trip to a big amusement park with ss, but what can dh do if she actually is planning on not coming back?
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File contempt charges the
File contempt charges the second SS doesn't show up to visitation. Then they'll hopefully track her down. Hopefully the judge sees things evenly. I'd also possibly have DH text BM something along the lines of "Just a reminder in regrds to your week long trip (date1) to (date2) that you told me about, I need the iternary and details per the CO." Then at the very least it shows she told him it was a trip before fleeing the state with the child.
I know it doesn't help much... But if it does end up as a court thing, then at the very least you'll have it documented...
She just missed the 30 day
She just missed the 30 day notice to notify dh via writing or text, so now he's saying he is going to refuse the trip. This is not going to end well. I know she is going to leave. Might not be able to move/relocate necessarily but I know she will still go.
I am guessing her informing
I am guessing her informing him of the trip was over the phone??? Because it sounds like she did notify within the time period, just not in the form (I have a feeling a court might not have a huge issue with her not being exact re the form of communication... especially if he confirms she did tell him).
Instead of him giving her a nuclear option right now, perhaps he could tell her that unless she provides some details about the trip then he will be forced to refuse his permission?
With this woman, I would seriously consider doing no communication by phone too.. get it ALL in writing. (email, OFW, text).
No the first mention of the
No the first mention of the trip was verbal when dh dropped ss off at bm house. Dh asked for a text or email. Court specifies "written notice" so I'm assuming a text message or an email even would work.
Well.. if she does happen to
Well.. if she does happen to leave the state against CO.. and basically kidnap and not provide details of her location.. then.. evil grin.. I guess you have nowhere to send CS to?
That's what is making me
That's what is making me think this really is just a vacation. But given what ss said before, I don't blame dh for being paranoid.
Ma'am your husband can either
Ma'am your husband can either let everything GO or hold bm accountable by blocking movement unless she follows the court order. Take her to court...for contempt.
Do you have a recorded conversation (text, email or voice) where she said that she doesnt have to follow court orders.
There is way too much flexibility when a parent is in contempt. Swift sanctions would fix further bs.
In case your dh decides to call his lawyer to file contempt ...IF your lawyer tells him to wait until blah blah blah she tries to move OR she does it again...DO NOT listen to the wait to file. GET it done now for this situation. File again if necessary for the next and the next AND the next.
IF dh decides not to file a contempt charge for his little trip to CA try to support him. It is all up to dh.
I am assuming that taking her
I am assuming that taking her to court for a violation will cost money. So, on the very likely chance that this just IS a vacation then can he really afford to do that? Is it worth the money spent?
My DH and his EX both violated at any given time their custody agreements.. Fortunately it was not handled in a lopsided manner and his EX didn't ever really follow through on her threats of court. (likely because whoever advised her told her it was expensive and probably not a hill to die on).
In this situation, I think it might be ok if her DH can tell his EX that he needs some kind of information about the trip.. a general schedule or itinerary.. maybe not the exact time to the hour and every hotel or whatever.. but just some assurance that the trip is just that a vacation. He could also ask for scheduled calls from his son to keep in touch and make sure nothing is wrong.
Im assuming it would cost
Im assuming it would cost money as well, and NO we can't afford it. Its just hard because she has threatened to leave before, and SS has confirmed this, and now she's going for a week and refusing details. Both are horrible though for following the order: she's constantly not there for drop off and he's constantly never on time so they are both beyond irritating. Tonight for example; drop off is 830. I'm sick of babysitting him so I sat on the patio all night. 827 and they are inside watching dh stupid tv show...he just left. He's going to be late. So tired of all of this. But we have only left the state with SS once and followed the order. She has already snuck out of state once for 5 days. I guess we have to think about "is she really willing to not get cs just to make sure she gets ss to herself?"
She also refused to give trip confirmation to dh via text so now he's going to tell her she doesn't have permission. This is not going to end well.
Your BM could not be more
Your BM could not be more wrong about California. It is one of the most expensive states to live in.
Trust me, we know. She makes
Trust me, we know. She makes no sense. It's been over 12 yrs since she lived there, I don't see it getting any cheaper.
I am not a lawyer, but I know
I am not a lawyer, but I know it usually takes 6 months to establish family court legal residency in a new state, and DH would know BM disappeared long before six months. There are strong sanctions for fleeing with a kid. If it was easy to kidnap a kid for custody, everyone would be doing it. I wouldn't worry about her vacation plans, she can't just go somewhere and stay there forever. She could have just as easily left mid-week without saying a word.
In Minnesota, parental kidnapping is a felony:
https://www.revisor.mn.gov/statutes/?id=609.26