if it were me. BM has no right to stop you. However, how does your SD feel about it? I suspect she probably wants you there and in that case I would definitely go. Stay as far away from BM as possible though. Just another case of a BM trying to manipulate if you ask me!

Einstein's definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

I am with the first response. I think you should go and always go. Be there for your SD 100%. If the BM says you can not go I would go anyways we live in a free world. I would keep the money together and just pay as normal. I would attend as much as I could in support of my SD. I am sure your SD knows what is going on and she respects you and your nature more than you know. It is not about the BM and BM's just dont get that. It is all about the SD. I would ask your husband to speak with her if in the end it continues to cause problems. You are so great for bitting the bullet time and time again and doing what is best in full for the SD. Congrats!

Since H is not capable of taking care of business you will have to do it. Stop the money and stop the taxi service. Why can’t you and H have a private get together with her the day before? Why is it necessary for him to go to the airport and be a part of the going away show like she is going to Egypt for a year? I think it’s terrible that he is willing to take your money and not stand up for you and I would put a stop to it.
As long as you are married to the dude his daughter is going to have events that he needs to attend. Is this the way that your life is going to be, never invited to graduations, competitions, showers and weddings?

I would stop paying for anything for SD until your DH steps up to the plate and puts that b*tch in her place. You are good enough to pay for all of these extra-curricular activities but are not allowed to be at the airport?? Give me a friggin break....

DH has to pay for ALL activites that the girls participate in- and boy, oh boy, do they WANT to do A LOT, so it's not cheap, as we all know! A lot of times, because I would be the principal driver, I would usually be the one to write the check when we got there. OK, never had a problem with it. But I did have a definite problem when crazy BM would start on her power plays about where I could and could not be- just like you, Green-Eyed.Girl.

And that's all it was about- control. (And, in my case a HUGE case of insecurity and jelousy about me). But I made sure to stop it in it's ugly tracks from the get-go. And it all starts with coming together as a united front with your DH. We started to show up at EVERY event with all 5 kids in tow, supporting our new family. And just to show how committed we were to this 'united front' we would always hold hands and show other signs of affection in front of her, which made her just boil (a little plus for me!)

The bottom line is that she has NO say in where you can and can not be. You are in her daughter's life for the long haul, so she's just going to put on her big girl panties and deal with it! Go to every event and be proud of your SDs accomplishments.

"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis

You are so wonderful. Continue to keep your head high. Maybe ask the hubby to call over the phone when you are alone and speak with her. Not that it really would matter. But you need to go in all support for the SD. You are really winning with the one who counts the SD. I promise in the end you will shine and the ex's actions only make her look bad so just be the better parent hold your head high. You will be fine. Just dont let your SD down by not going.

First of all, I have green eyes too! We also have in common a BM that we always seem to be respnsible for "making up the difference"...

We don't sign the girls up for anything that we can't afford ourselves. I usually anticipate her being a pain in the arse so I see her reimbursement as more of a "bonus" than her fair contribution. She currently owes us over $150 for sports that were agreed upon and paid for in January. It's also a constant weighing factor when she is trying to squeeze money out of DH..."Well you still owe me for sports, so how about we call it a wash, BM...."

What has worked for us in the past is putting it in writing. Not a contract or anything but more of an overview (receipts/statements included) to include the schedule and the transportation split evenly. This helps her to visualize exactly what the financial and time commitment is going to be. It also can be referenced later when arguing ensues over a payment that has become due that should be paid for by one parent.

I will tell you this. BMs like yours and mine are so unbeliavably transparent in their little fiascos. Like your cheerleading debacle...don't get mad, laugh at her immature attempts and with a smile simply explain to her coach that you will ALWAYS be interested in ANY of SD's activities. Most people will see her for exactly who she is, and eventually probably even your SD. Don't engage in her shennanigans...she will soon tire of baiting arguments that are never going to happen.

Then there is the infamous power struggle of the BM and her demanding an absent stepmom. I say until BM is ready to be a mature adult, don't go. It's like you said, the child will ALWAYS be the loser in this situation if you go. It starts being more about BM and her adverse reaction then about the child. That's not fair in my book. In my situation, sometimes even just the sight of me enraged her. So I decided a long time ago that my SDs deserved TWO happy and healthy parents to attend their games/recitals/conferences/etc. I was the cause of her rage - right or wrong - and I decided to remove the direct cause. Sure it was a sacrifice...but those little girls deserve more than what I have deemed right and fair.

BM is hurt by my presence in the lives of her children. She's hurt when they want me to take part in the important events of their life, and because BM is incapable of being anything more than what she is - she acts out the only way she knows how.

I feel for you. I've been there. I have taken residence on the high road. And I REFUSE to let BM ruin some of the happiest times of my life. She can only control a small portion of my SDs lives, the rest is up to me. So I'll love them on my own time and not worry about the time that is being shared at some soccer game or band recital. They can tell me ALL about it when I see them again.

"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley

You need to have a talk with your DH. I don't know how old your SD is but she sounds like a pretty smart cookie and knows what is going on. She has already formed her opinions it sounds like and knows her dad is a good guy and it sounds like she really likes you. Do not get shoved to the side otherwise as sparky said above everytime your SD has an event you will be excluded. YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE WHEREVER YOUR DH IS. Sounds like BM just wants control and your DH is giving it to her. If BM starts acting up she is only going to look like a fool in front of her daughter. Another option which was stated above was why not just do something with her the day before and let mommie dearest take her to the airport - it's not like she is leaving forever. Please talk to your DH and get this straightened out otherwise I fear you will only have more misery ahead of you. GOOD LUCK!!!