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Oh Master Manipulator, your SON is smarter than you!

BSgoinon's picture

Of course, we knew she would try.

BM has been arguing with her dad and stepmom for a week about fighting for more time with SS for Christmas. SS has made it clear that he only wanted to see her for breakfast on Christmas Eve, even though he is going up to his grandparents house the day before to see his cousins.

BM INSISTED that SS would want to spend more time with her than that. To which they told her, he has made it clear to his dad and BSG, but if he has changed his mind we may consider it. Sooooo... she texts SS "I'm going to call you, I need you to answer the phone, we need to talk". SS being the good kid he is, answers. She pours on the sob story about how she needs to see him for more than just breakfast. SS gave his typical "I don't really want to, but you are making me feel like I have to so I'll just tell you - LET ME THINK ABOUT IT" answer and told her he was going to call his grandpa and talk to him about it. His plan was to tell grandpa that he didn't really want to but he doesn't know how to tell her that. Instead, before he had a chance to call, she called her dad and told him "SS SAID YES, he wants to see me". So grandma emails me and asks if its true because she had also told him that SS had tried to call and tell them himself but no one answered. He hadn't tried to call. I wasn't there when SS talked to her so I told her, let me talk to him and I'll get back to you.

I ask SS, telling him if he had changed his mind and wanted to see her more, that it was fine since her dad was going to be there, he said NO, I never told her that. I told her I would think about it and call grandpa. So, he gets upset and calls her, she starts crying and makes him feel REALLY bad. But he stood his ground and told her that it is NOT ok to lie to them, and that they would find out either way so it was pointless lying. Please don't come on Saturday. Breakfast on Sunday is plenty.

I took him to the DR today for a routine check up, and we were talking. He told me that she has "lost her son" and there wasn't a whole lot she can do to repair it until she starts making an effort to be a normal adult. Which "I don't see happening very soon for her".

She always manages to screw things up with him. He was WANTING to see her for Christmas, now he is mad at her for lying and trying to push her way in before she has earned his trust.

Comments

Veritas's picture

I shake my head at every one of your posts and my heart fills with joy that this young man has you in his life Smile

--figureditout--'s picture

Hugs to this young man. It breaks my heart to see a kid put in the hot seat like this. I am glad he has you, DH and grandparents who listen to him.

Ninji's picture

I feel so bad for your SS. My SS is pretty upset that he has to go to BM's house for Christmas and the week (or more) afterwards.

It's crazy how blind these women are to the hurt they are causes their children. Then they want to sweep everything under the rug and pretend happy family because of the holidays.

hereiam's picture

This poor kid.

You know what I hate? These situations where the kid is forced to be the parent figure in the relationship. Your SS deserves to just be a kid, he should not have to be parenting his damn drug addict mother and teaching her that lying is wrong. He should not have to always be on the defense with her, having to recognize that he's being manipulated. By his own mother! He should not have to feel guilty and he should not be put in the position that she puts him in, at all.

I hate that bitch.

BSgoinon's picture

I hate her too. For a long time I had no feelings left about her, but when she pulls this crap it really makes my blood boil. I am so grateful that SS is so smart.

advice.only2's picture

I'm sorry this is happening to your SS, thankfully he has two great parents who are raising him right and he's smart enough to realize she's just not worth the effort or worry.

I wish SD had been as smart about meth ex, but they were so enmeshed in their dysfunctional relationship that she could never see how bad it was.

mommadukes2015's picture

Your SS is gonna make one helluva stellar adult by the time this is all said and done. Thanks to your guidance first and foremost and secondly, as weird as it is, to BM being such a huge issue. He's learning boundaries and things now that most grown adults haven't figured out yet.

BSgoinon's picture

Mommaduke, I believe you are right. He's already such a great kid. Of course he is still human and we have to get on him for his homework and helping with chores around the house, but when it comes to relationships of any kind, he has better skills than most adults I know. I can't wait to see where he goes in life.