"Dadeetz"
This past weekend was our weekend to have SD10 which I always dread. I realize that a lot of it is b/c SO is regressing back to guilty daddy/disney daddy crap and it is sickening. I don't know what happened but he has definitely taken a step back in that department from the progress I thought we had made. Whenever we have SD we have to do something to entertain her - heaven forbid she self entertain like my 3yo can! SO kept talking about wanting to go get a family game as an "early" Christmas gift - like we really can't wait 1 more week for the game - of course not...we have SD and she has to have something to do...This is Friday evening and he is all antsy about going to the store and getting a "family" game. I told him I didn't want to go shopping and just wanted to stay home and relax. I told him that he could take SD and my older son if they wanted and I would stay home with our youngest. Of course my older son didn't want to go either so SO is all pissy that no one else wants to go. I told him we could all go on Sat after we eat breakfast as a bit of a compromise. Of course that wasn't good enough b/c he had already told SD about it. He opted to go with just her and get it. Whatever, give me a slight break from her constant talking and attention seeking crap. It did still piss me off though (and yes, I did make him aware of how pissed off I was and why). We got into it and he made the statement that he "ruined SD's life by getting a divorce and she deserves 1 home just like my BS and our son together"
That is when I realized that he will be guilty daddy FOREVER! I told him that divorce doesn't ruin children's lives - parents that dwell on it and use it as a crutch and turn their kids into perpetual victims are responsible for that and it is ridiculous to even say that about 1 house b/c I know that my older son would love to have 2 houses again and see his dad again but he doesn't get that option! He didn't really have a come back for that. I know that the constant manipulation tactics of BM and SD are the reason he thinks that way. I am just not sure how to get him out of this mindset. It is beyond old hearing about poor SD's life when she is one of the most spoiled children I have ever met!
Okay, now onto the "Dadeetz" title...when SD and SO get back from Target with the game we get it all set up and she is drawing a pic for SO. The pic says "You light (light bulb pic) up my world (world pic) like nobody else" and then "I love you Dadeetz" and she decided that she was going to call SO Dadeetz from now on :sick: . UGH, the "daaaadddeeeee" every 5 minutes is already annoying enough but now she is saying this even more frequently! I hope she gives up or forgets about it very soon b/c it is cringe worthy every time she says it!
SD also has a "fracture" on her growth plate on her tibia - they put a full leg cast on initially and after 2 weeks and a 2nd xray that they couldn't see the fracture on they took the cast off and put a brace on her. I know this sounds bad but due to her history of faking injuries I have a hard time believing that she is truly injured. I did read about how fractures in that area don't always show on xrays so they usually do a MRI or CT Scan. However, SD has had 3 xrays and no MRI or CT Scan and in all 3 xrays they can't tell if it is fractured. I'm no dr though so maybe I am wrong but I think it is odd that they keep doing xrays and finding nothing but haven't ordered a type of testing that the fracture would be detected on. SO asked her if it was still hurting and she said, "on a scale of 1-10 I would rate the pain at an 8" - Can you tell she has been to the dr's a lot?!?! I'm not really buying that either seeing as she hasn't asked for any type of pain medicine for this pain and she is still up hobbling all over the house constantly. If the pain were that severe I would think she would ask for meds and relax and prop her leg up. My thought is that she will milk this injury out until after the holidays so she can use it as an attention grabber at all the relatives parties. She has another xray scheduled for today so we will see what happens this time.
Ahhhh, just needed to vent with the other SMs that can relate!
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he "ruined SD's life by
he "ruined SD's life by getting a divorce and she deserves 1 home just like my BS and our son together"
:jawdrop: :jawdrop: :jawdrop:
At this point I would have turned on my heel and walked away from him. If he ruined her life so bad I guess he can go back to bm. Talk about an asshat. You have my sympathies.
LMAO, well we were having a
LMAO, well we were having a text battle at that point so I couldn't just turn and walk away or I would have. I just about barfed though. That is why I told him that the only thing ruining her life was BM and him acting like she is a victim of the divorce and allowing her to use this as an excuse for her behavior. I've told him before he should just go back to BM to give SD the life she "deserves".
I can't stand this treating SD like a freaking victim of divorce. I know it is due to BM and her constant bullying and manipulating him into thinking he is a bad dad any time SD isn't put above EVERYTHING! She was 2 when they divorced...she is 10 now...how long can this excuse hold up. My parents divorced when I was 10 and I have NEVER used being a COD as an excuse or to get sympathy!
Thank you for your sympathies!
Such a freaking idiotic
Such a freaking idiotic statement! First off these skids with TWO homes, generally make out like bandits! Two birthdays, two Christmases, two of EVERYTHING! Big whip they have to go back and forth, it's no different than my kid spending the night at a friends or MILs a couple times a month. He freaking loves it. It gives him a break from the ho hum every day usual in our house.
And I'm a child of divorce and my life wasn't ruined by it. But that's because neither one of my parents treated me like some delicate foo foo flower that needed to be coddled and fawned over. No. It was a part of life and life went on and you figured it out.
I hope you kick him in the nuts. He really needs it.
LMAO, you're right I do need
LMAO, you're right I do need to kick him in the nuts for that idiotic statement! EXACTLY! Kids with 2 homes (provided both parents are loving/nurturing - and SD's are) have it made! I loved going to 2 of everything during the holidays after my parents split. What pissed me off even more about that dumbass statement is that my BS would LOVE to be able to be able to have 2 homes again and see his dad - he "DESERVES" 2 homes but his dad is incarcerated and therefore he is only in 1 home b/c of that. Oh but poor little SD and her rough life of being spoiled in 2 homes instead of 1!
YES - that is the exact problem making the COD into something that is so awful! Just like you I never once thought my life was ruined over my parents divorced. It was actually BETTER! So based on his thinking 1/2 of the kids in the USA have lives ruined by their parents divorce!
I feel your pain with the
I feel your pain with the Disney dad crap. I also thought we had made some progress, but this weekend was full scale Disney dad like I haven't seen in a long time. I was annoyed all weekend. WHY can't these idiots see what they are doing. Why can't they stop thinking about their own selfish feelings of sadness/guilt/whatever and care more about being a good parent and actually parenting. It's so frustrating.
Yes, it is frustrating and
Yes, it is frustrating and what do we do to get them back on track here?!? I thought I already fought this guilty/disney dad crap and beat it but here it is surfacing again! Ugh!
DadeeetZ....lord that's just
DadeeetZ....lord that's just annoying reading it!
Ahh yes the ever injured skids who need ER visits constantly because they are delicate! SD was having growing pains in her legs and knees. DH took her to the doctor, they confirmed growing pains and they offered her a wrap for her knee, but told her it wouldn't help with the growing pains. SD took that knee wrap and milked it for all it was worth for three months! Limped around crying and sighing, but refused any medicine (she couldn't swallow pills they made her gag) and we refused buy baby meds just for her. SD was 16 at the time.
DadeeetZ....lord that's just
DadeeetZ....lord that's just annoying reading it!
^^^^
Same! Ugh! It reminds me of when YSD would call DH- PAPA. One day she just started calling him Papa. And the way she would say it. So it was either Daaddddeee or Papa- all sad like.
Ugh I'm getting flashbacks.
My step sons call my wife
My step sons call my wife Madre... the oldest started it and the other two picked it up. I have no idea why, but it is annoying as hell.
I feel your pain! If she
I feel your pain! If she starts trying to teach my youngest to call him "Dadeetz" I will lose my shit! No way am I a allowing that! My older son isn't his so I don't have to worry about that...plus he is just annoyed by SD's new nickname as I am.
Ha, yes, it is annoying
Ha, yes, it is annoying reading it but hearing it over and over is enough to make me go insane! My SD can't swallow pills either but her mom sent some liquid ibuprofen for the pain....which she never asked for once! I won't be surprised if she still won't take pills at 16. I'm really interested to hear the results after the xray today. I know she is milking it out as long as possible...OMG, if it lasts 3 months I will definitely go insane. Also b/c of her injury if we go anywhere as a family she has to sit in the front seat of the car b/c of her brace...I know she LOVES this...making me sit in the back....I can see her smug little smirk right now still.
Oh and sorry for the flashbacks zerodrama! I'm sure I will be scarred forever by this! LOL! Maybe I can use that as my excuse for my behavior! Oh and yes, the sad looks or just the super annoying dragging it out as saying it!
I know that I am older and
I know that I am older and from an "obsolete" generation. But I am glad of several things.
1. I always knew that I was responsible for my well being. I never depended on any man to take care of me. Having a father who could not be relied upon was actually a blessing in disguise.
2. I have zero tolerance for people who say crap like "I couldn't go to college because my parents didn't have the money to pay for that". My parents couldn't provide a dime for my college education and were horrified that I was going to a school that cost more per year than my family's income. But I went and pulled myself out of that poverty cycle. Yes I had scholarships and loans - but one of my cousins who was a single mom with zero support from her worthless ex went back to school and earned a degree at age 50. It took her a long time - but she did it.
3. I despise people who just want to give excuses for their personal failures. So your parents got divorced, so you had parents who didn't pay for your college, so your personal life is not perfect. Get over it and put on your bitch boots and take care of yourself.
notasm3 - EXACTLY!!!!! I
notasm3 - EXACTLY!!!!! I agree with all 3 of your points 100%! I came from a broken home and have never used that as an excuse or a crutch! I am not that old or from an "obsolete" generation. I just had parents that didn't coddle me and spoil me and make excuses for me. They taught me responsibility and and responsibility for MY actions!
My DDs life hasn’t been
My DDs life hasn’t been ruined in any shape or firm. It’s a dumb idea.
What about your Skids
What about your Skids though?!?! Maybe talk to Curious Georgetta she seems to think that COD should dwell on the pain of divorce forever....
My skids were exited that DH
My skids were exited that DH and BM got divorced.
My YSD said “oh I am so glad dad, mom can’t hurt you anymore”. When DH was still married YSD never wanted to visit them because how unloving their home was and how abusive BM was. She loves to visit us from out of state because we have peaceful loving home and her dad is finally is treated well.
I was happy when my parents
I was happy when my parents got divorced as well because they were both miserable and now they are both happy with their new spouses. Divorce isn't what ruins lives. Parents using kids as pawns to get what they want and control things are the problem. Parents acting selfishly and not helping children adjust/cope with the change effectively are the problem.
Good gracious! "Ruined SD's
Good gracious! "Ruined SD's life by getting a divorce?" Yeah, if my DH said this to me he would find himself on the receiving end of another divorce so that he could un-ruin SD's life by getting back together with her mother!
Unless your DH gets his head out of his rear end, he IS going to ruin SD's life. My husband (and I am in process of divorcing him) is a guilty Daddy. He hasn't RUINED his kids lives, but they are TRAUMATISED by his divorce of 6 years ago. This has been his licence to stop parenting, let his kids do as they please. They are poor little fluffy-kins children of divorce. Without boundaries, direction or limits because his precious children are suffering because of a divorce, SD20, finished high school and is currently unemployed, has no post school qualication and his pregnant by her junkie boyfriend. My SS17 is finally on track after I put my foot down with him earlier this month. He was failing his classes, smoking pot, chasing girls, basically a filthy slob. I had had enough - even though his Dad thought I was too strict and I stopped overseeing SS. He is back on track after I read him the riot act: he hasnt missed a day of school, all his assignments have been handed in on time, he has stopped smoking and he even cut his damn hair!! Guilt Daddies will not go away - not until they see the light because their children are disadvantaged, ruined or traumatised by a divorce. Vomit!!
My son is 12. He is a normal kid. No issues with him because I have also had to put my foot down with him and PARENT!! Is my 12 year old going to claim the ridiculous notion that his life was ruined because his father died when he was 4? He only has 1 parent, no Daddy... His life is ruined. OMG what whiny nonsense.
The lifelong victim nonsense is badge these people CHOOSE to wear because they cannot overcome their own failing or unfortunate circumstances. Be careful YOU dont get sucked into the nonsense that they are trying to pass off here.
Oh, I have told SO that
Oh, I have told SO that before b/c BM is constantly trying to control our home and SO has regressed back on the progress we made of not allowing her to do so. I told him that I couldn't marry someone when their ex was still carrying their balls around and I wouldn't live like that forever (we are engaged right now - there is a reason I haven't set a date yet...reason being SD and her BM). I told him since they both had these warped ideas on parenting and placing SD above EVERYTHING in the world that they should get back together for SD's sake since it is all about her!
What you just described is how I see the future SD...or she will get in a bad relationship just b/c the man supports her and gives her whatever she wants because she certainly won't have any idea how to be responsible by then. At 10 she has no chores b/c she doesn't like them. Or she will want to live at home forever....and I will not want her in my home forever! I already told my son he can stay after 18 if he is working and being responsible or attending college.
My son is also 10 (same age as SD) and he is normal as well he had a few behavior problems when we first moved and when his dad went to a correctional institute but I feel like that was understandable. I didn't buy him presents and coddle him over it though and dwell on how his dad ruined his life by making poor choices and ending up with 2 years to serve. I took him to counseling and have my best to maintain a normal schedule and normal rules/boundaries. I didn't say oh he should be #1 over everything and the other kids in the home!
The lifelong victim nonsense is exactly what you said a CHOICE to dwell on the past and blame other's for their problems. BM is teaching SD to manipulate the 2 households and play victim. This is in no way healthy. I'm sure BM will be like my mom is - 20 years later still complaining about how bad my dad was (which he wasn't bad - he worked long hours to pay for things for us so he missed sports/events/etc.). I never thought he was a bad dad...my mom tried to get me to think that though.
"Ruined her life by not
"Ruined her life by not telling her to get over it", you mean.
Children of divorce have no less than any other child. In fact, they have more....often, WAY more.
Children of divorce typically spend "better quality time" with each parent, because each parent is focused on the child when the child is with them. In many intact families, the kids are just...there... as are the parents... and everyone is doing the sh!t they need to do to get the day over with. In divorced households, the kids actually "spend time" with the parents. Ok, some might be because of disney parents who want to make everything hunky dory for them, but still, time they might otherwise not have gotten.
Whether you want to admit it or not, children in intact households typically spend their time with one parent at a time anyway, if at all... so really, they're getting MORE from their parents by their parents not being together.
They also get more than one of everything - two beds, two sets of toys, two gifts, etc... whereas children in intact families have ONE.
They also get away with more - because while in intact households the child's punishment might be longer, and enforced by both parents, in divorced households the child's punishment might get cut short because they're changing homes, or because the other parent will let the kid get out of the punishment to be considered the awesome parent.
How exactly, does a child of divorce deserve to be treated with kid gloves, when they already get double the stuff, half the discipline, and better one on one child/parent time with each parent?
Yes Secret! It is nice to
Yes Secret! It is nice to have other STEPMOMS that understand the actual situation. Not telling SD to get over it and acting like she has been so traumatized and making everything about SD is exactly what is ruining her life...not having 2 separate homes!!!
You are so right (in most cases). SD has way more than either of my sons! SD is an only child at her mom's and gets EVERYTHING she wants and is involved in any sport/etc she wants b/c BM can afford that with one child and child support.
I don't get child support b/c my son's dad is incarcerated. Should I feel like my son's are entitled to everything BM does for SD too then? If BM takes SD somewhere on her time should my son's be entitled to do the same thing with us?!?! Cause that isn't how it works at all. We only do special things when we have SD...so she won't miss out of course...
SD gets at least 1 night a week that is just her and "dadeetz" when they go to her sports/etc. My son's don't get any one on one time with me or SO. I can't even afford to put my kids in extracurricular activities. I would love to have 1 night a week to take my son to something just us and have dinner just us...but I guess since he isn't entitled to that like SD is! Georgetta's BS about me not being sensitive to SO's feelings is just that BS! If SD had only 1 home like my boys (and her dadeetz and Georgetta feel she is entitled too) she wouldn't be entertained constantly like she is now.
But I still have to hear BM proclaim that SD needs "daddy/daughter time" because she never gets it! BS!!! SD only thinks what BM implants into her head. SD should be #1 - everything should revolve around poor little SD!
Now Secret....you know these poor COD didn't ask for this and they would prefer the time over the windfall of extra gifts according to Georgetta.
Um, heck yeah SD gets away with so much more. Disney Daddy is way more lenient on her than the boys because she is so innocent and not trying to be manipulative and cause problems. SD's constant tattling isn't to get her way or get my son in trouble. She's an angel. She would never instigate anything and then come crying when tells her to get out of his room. Oh and yes Georgetta little victim SD has her own room at my home. My youngest son doesn't have his own room at my house even though he is there full time and she isn't. She's entitled to that though b/c obviously her life is ruined so she deserves more than my kids.
I don't understand why we have to treat SD with kid gloves and coddle and shower her with constant attention b/c she is a COD but we don't have to do that with my BS who is also a COD and doesn't even get the option to go stay with his dad. Oh, wait, yes I do...it is b/c SD has a HCBM who makes life living hell for everyone unless SD is being spoiled rotten and treated better than the other kids!
Well then......
Well then......
:O