I saw this.... and I just thought ..no no no no no no......

Look, if the EXes were such wonderful people then wouldn't they still be together with our spouses? (or maybe our spouses were the problem..ohhhhnoooo).

I mean, it's great and all to pay lip service how the village will raise the child etc..
I halfway think these people have some ulterior motive in posting this crap.

I do think it's great if people can move on, be civil and act like adults and in the best interest of the children. Sometimes, that just isn't possible due to dynamics.

So, don't make all us SM's that are trying our damndest to be good caretakers of children that aren't ours and are trying to be sensitive to the feelings of the Ex and all the while we take craploads of abuse from both and often have SO's who don't support us or demand that we are respected in our own homes. Step parenting isn't for the faint of heart and these stories are much the exception and not a realistic possibility for the majority of us. So, we already have a hurculean task in front of us and now these people want to "raise the bar"? no thanks.

BTW... i want a follow up in 10 years..

If I thought that BM could ever be normal, maybe I'd try to make peace with her. However, she's juvenile, manipulative, and I don't even think she always does what's best for her kids, so not going to happen in my case.

I'm happy for people who can have a peaceful co-existence with the other co-parents, but that isn't the case for me.

I also don't like it that it's always the stepmom who has to extend the olive branch...thus reinforcing the idea that the BM is the queen who must be catered to. I think first impressions and first meetings matter and oftentimes it's the BM who makes a bad first impression or causes drama first because she feels threatened by the SM.

Haha! BM would probably pretend to be my friend if I extended the olive branch but it's not going to happen. She's bat s#it crazy and getting worse as she ages. I can't even imagine what she's going to be like years down the road.

Eww, eww, eww, eww, eww, eww, eww. If BM had attended our wedding, she'd have had everyone believing she was the bride! And she would have TOTALLY flipped out at me promising to be a good mother to her children. OMG, her head would have spun in circles and then exploded.

I tried making peace with BM for a bit for the good of the kids... She shoved me, cussed me out, spoke poorly of me to the Skids, oh, and flirted with DH... So yeah... That ship sailed. Since then she’s gotten stalker and creepish...

I wish BM could be civil for the Skids, I still play polite, but I avoid her like she’s the root cause of the bubonic plague and is trying to come back for more victims (probably accurate actually... lol)

That being said, she’s DH’s ex, you can bet when we finally have a ceremony, (dis courthouse) she will be nowhere within the vicinity of my wedding what so ever.

Personally for me the wedding day is about the two people getting married. I have never understood these articles where the soon to be step takes the kid aside and makes vows and promises to them and pretty much integrates them into the relationship. I mean you aren't marrying the kid and for me it carries a bit of an ick factor.

Co-parenting is working together to raise the child, as in, on the same page.... not hanging out together so the child gets both parents at once.

Not sure why many confuse chillin' with the ex with co-parenting.

I'd love a 10-year update on this.

Or, heck. A 2-year update.

I went in all wide-eyed and innocent and deferential to the kids and their feelings, too. Only took a couple years for me to realize who ALWAYS wound up with the short end of the stick in that scenario. I mean...I don't mind compromising or sacrificing...but it was every. damn. time.

Had to learn to speak up for myself and disengage from the kids and their care in order to save myself, my marriage, and my sanity...

When did marriage become about children and making them the center of the family?!

I am ALL for good co-parenting relationships and think it's wonderful when everyone can genuinely get along because it does help with child rearing.

HOWEVER, your wedding should be about you and your spouse, not your family and their family. Why not include a kid sister, or extra special aunt, or crazy cousin in your vows? All because one (or both) spouse has a child DOES NOT mean that child is any more important than any other family member in marriage. I'll grant that kids require more resources and are the biggest responsibility a parent has, but they shouldn't be the #1 priority. That's the marriage.

When you add kids into the marriage, which is what iview this as, you're giving them an inflated sense of what their worth and power is. They should have NONE on your marriage, and an ex should come with a negative value. You can even do this WHILE loving the ex, loving the kid, and having a great relationship.

I just can't help but feel icky about this, and want to roll my eyes because it gives "bonus" moms and other BMs another reason to dump all over those of us who can't and won't have these wonderful relationships with BM or step kids.

*eats a bagel* God, low carb is making me hate everything nice in the world, lol.