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She threw a chicken at me!

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I am at a serious loss on something that happened recently. My son told me something recently that is odd. He has been staying with his dad for about a week and a half. We get longer stints of time during the summer. I talk to my kids about every other day for about five to ten minutes. But, he called me yesterday while his dad and stbSM were out of the house. He told me that he needed to talk to me while he was alone. He was afraid to tell me this while his dad was in the house.

Apparently his dad had stbSM have been fighting a lot lately. They get into screaming matches alot in front of the kids. This might not seem like a big deal, but apparently, one of the fights escalated. According to my son, stbSM bought some fried chicken and brought it home for dinner. She took a bite of it and said it wasn't any good and that she was going to throw it out. My exH told her that they weren't going to waste money on perfectly good chicken and that he and the kids would eat it.

This led to a screaming match. StbSM got mad and picked up the box of chicken and threw it at my exH. My DS was sitting at the table next to his dad and got hit with several pieces. My DD5 was also in the room and started crying.

According to my DS, stbSM yelled at exH to shut up his brat (talking about my DD5) and then grabbed her keys and stormed out. He said she was gone for several hours. When she came back, her and exH got into several more screaming matches about how rude he was. It ended when stbSM locked DH out of the bedroom and went to sleep.

Apparently, these fights happened in front of the kids. My DS doesn't want me to talk to my ex about it, even though he said that he is afraid of stbSM since she threw more stuff around the house than just the chicken. At this point, I am lost. Do I say something to exH or do I keep it a secret?

Comments

secret's picture

Your child brought it up to you as a concern - it's a valid concern to discuss with the other parent.

You might be told to butt out, but still - your kids are in an environment where abuse is happening.

I think the stb is about to get scratched off and she knows it...so it's probably a lot worse.

ESMOD's picture

The fact that your Ex's new girlfriend is losing it in a physical way in front of the children is a problem. She is also lashing out at them and they are literally being caught in the (chicken) crossfire.

Perhaps a suggestion that the kids spend more time with you vs your EX while he and his new GF work out their issues would be a good idea.

Acratopotes's picture

I would not break my kids trust and talk to his father about it.

I would simply tell him, Hon for now if they fight take your sister and go to your room, close the door and make sure you 2 have fun and keep self busy. WE can figure out a plan when you come back home....

Then start getting everything in order, this SM already spanked your daughter, now she threw chicken.... clearly your kids should not be around her and I would do anything to get them not to visit anymore, either bioDad sees them somewhere else or not at all, but they are way to young to be part of this mess.

What about you teach the kids to call 911.... while the adults fight...

secret's picture

You could also advise your son to flat out simply say, in the middle of all this drama going on:

"How the hell does a grown ass woman think it's appropriate to be so abusive to a man she claims to love, in front of 2 kids?" as he leads his younger sister to the safety of a locked room.

Luckyone's picture

I agree with this not only for the reasons you have brought up, but also because there would be a legal record in case it was ever necessary.

twoviewpoints's picture

What a mess. Tossing chicken, stomping out and returning for round two. These poor kids.

If this is soon-to-be SM, I seriously hope she and your ex take a major break from each other and stop and review if this is a marriage that should be happening. I mean, uh, they all sound so happy :O And they aren't even married yet.

No, your children shouldn't be witnessing all this. I'm really surprised your ex hasn't just loaded up the kids and brought them back to you so that they aren't being exposed to the fights and dramatic scene. Surely this isn't what he wants for his children?

Is your ex aware you'd gladly have the kids returned (at least during the fight fest) and you wouldn't hold it against him? You wouldn't try and stop visitations with him or anything of that nature, you just want the kids safe and also feeling safe. That at anytime all he has to do is call and he can bring them home and/or you'll swing by and pick them up.

Your ex needs time to sort this out. That part you can't help with (though I can't imagine wanting to live with or marry someone who throws things at me). But I think it's perfectly ok for you to say you're concerned and will be there for the kids if Dad feels they need to come home. It's also ok to tell him you and your children are uncomfortable with all the fighting and throwing things and that the kids have phoned you uncertain, upset and frightened. That if he needs time to work out his relationship it's probably best they do it without the kids being there.

And if all else fails, yeah, I'd call DCFS for a peek-poo or the police for welfare checks. You have to know though, that doing either will set off STBSM even more so. So if you go that route, be prepared to file emergency temporary orders of protection and cease visitations until Dad alone, or the two of them together get their act together.

This is all different than a BM trying to control and/or tell Dad how to run his home. What's happening in Dad's home is no where near that claim. Your kids are being seriously affected by all this in a genuine detrimental way.

BSgoinon's picture

I seem to remember an old poster here, that may have some mashed potato's to go with that flinging fried chicken... Blum 3

moeilijk's picture

Depends on your relationship with your ex. If things are otherwise relatively ok, call him up, let him know your joint child is scared, and ask him to reassure said child that he is loved and safe. And ask the ex if things are stressful enough that it's better for you to take a little extra time with the kids now, and when things settle down you'll work something out. If ex isn't up for you to pitch in, then in 3-4 days, swing by to take the kids for ice cream or something and find out if things have improved.

If he's otherwise a difficult person... then do what you can to just get the kids. Figure out the deets later.