Do most skids spy? Am I being paranoid for no reason?

Hello,

Newish stepmom here. We are having SS8 visit us for the first time since moving several states away last year. It's his first long distance visit with us. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I really do not want pix of our house/new baby boy taken by SS and sent to BM. She's been nosy in the past, so I wonder what kind of rules to set up to minimize any potential spying. No cell phone? Never leaving him unattended (obviously now at his age, but what about the future?)Any tips here? Or am I worrying for nothing, since he's only 8. But thinking about future visits when he's a preteen/teen. Do most BMs grill their kids and encourage nosiness?

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SD isn't allowed to have a

SD isn't allowed to have a cell phone in our house, but even when she was, she was not allowed onto our wifi, nor was she allowed to tape or video anything. She's also not allowed to access her e-mail, unless supervised by DH. Her mother is that obnoxious and conniving.

How old issue? Does she

How old issue? Does she complain about it?

She can't bring the phone in

She can't bring the phone in because apparently BM told her we couldn't take it away if she misbehaved because it was her property, and SD decided to pass that message on when she was already in trouble. We were actuallly glad, though... BM used the phone as a way to constantly communicate with skids when they were with us.

SD doesn't have the balls to complain. She's 12 and generally very passive/eager to please.

BM just got 7 year old a

BM just got 7 year old a phone. She claims it's for ease of communciation. SO said no. The phone will not be used in our house. If it comes he will shut it off and put it up and he has every right to do so. BM has his number and he has never denied her ability to call and talk to the kids.

Just take the phone turn it off and put it away. Yeah you might have to deal with an entitled fit but that's the chance you take.

do I?

My stepsons tried to do this

My stepsons tried to do this (5 and 6 at the time). It was not malicious, they were just excited about our apartment and their space! I quickly put a stop to it and said "Sorry guys! The service is bad upstairs so you can't facetime with mommy up there, it will drop the call. Stay in the living room when you facetime please." and that worked. Since they are too young to have phones, I typically control the contact (facetiming once a day in the evenings in our living room, or when they are in the bath with no distractions) and that helped.

I don't think most kids

I don't think most kids spy.

I think the ones who do are told to by a crazy BM. He's 8, if he's telling BM anything about your house, it's because she's asking.

Sit SS down and have a talk about privacy, his, yours, his moms and tell him that you don't need to see pictures of BMs house and she doesn't need to see pictures of your house.

Good idea about the chat.

Good idea about the chat. We'll have one at beginning of his visit.

Not sure. I do know she's

Not sure. I do know she's quite controlling and hates that her grip on DH ihas been loosened after I pointed out boundaries she was violating. What did you tell your skids when they were pulling that crap? Did your DH do anything?

My OSS and MSS used to spy on

My OSS and MSS used to spy on us. And even after OSS stopped coming, MSS was constantly telling BM and her SO what we were doing every second of the day. I read some of the texts he would get from BM. She would ask him what we did the night before, what he had for dinner, WHO cooked the dinner, did he like it?? THEN the final straw came when DH, MSS, YSS, BS and I were in the car. DH was driving a bit over the speed limit and got pulled over. As the officer was getting DH's information, MSS was in the backseat texting as fast as his little fingers would text. He was telling BM all about it. DH didn't end up getting even a warning but still....

MSS used to stalk our facebook pages also. If we were out with friends and tagged in anything, MSS would immediately start texting DH and be just hateful because we weren't allowed to have a life if it did not center around him. DH finally had enough and told MSS his behavior was unacceptable. (BM and her SO were prodding him the whole time) MSS finally just stopped coming over at all.

Yes, they spy. At least mine

Yes, they spy. At least mine did. Everything that went on in this house or was said in ear shot of skids got back to BM. BM also drilled the skids for information after every visit! She would of course twist everything around, take advantage of it or beat us to it.

I swear I seen YSD taking pictures of my stove after a major spill over. I had to wait until the stove cooled down before cleaning it up. I am sure the photos got back to BM because after that day, my house and I were extremely dirty even though skids used to think I had OCD when it came to tidiness.

If we bought something new, it would get back to BM, and she would biotch about it and claim we were wasting money.

But sometimes spying skids can have an advantage. You see if our BM and her DH thought we were going to do something great with the skids or make a major purchase, they sometimes would go out and do or buy something bigger or better.

We got to the point were we would intentionally provide or leave information laying around just to see what would get back to BM and to see what she and her DH would do with it. LOL.
}:) }:) }:) }:) }:)

For example, we discussed needing to replace both our vehicles someday. BM and her DH went out and bought 2 new ones. We still drive our old ones.

We talked about taking the skids away for March break. SO always got them on March break, so we thought we would take them either to Florida or BC. (This time these were real plans). BM and her Dh went and made plans to take skids to Florida for 2 weeks during the same time we were planning on going. They never took skids on March break before that!

We discussed replacing our roof. BM and her DH decided to get theirs replaced. We then talked about getting a metal roof. BM and her DH went got a metal one, even though the shingles were already delivered and sitting in their drive way. We are getting shingles. The metal roofs are 3 times the cost!

We discussed replacing our driveway. BM and her DH went and had a new drive way put in immediately. Our driveway is still the same old one.

I left out pamphlets for in ground pools... next visitation, skids said BM was putting in one. We then told the skids we were only looking at the pamphlets and were not putting put one in. BM decided she wouldn't either. (We should have waited until BM had the hole dug to tell the skids we decided against it.)

We watched a program about these RV's that are better than some homes. So said we should get one and travel across country some day. BM and her DH went out and bought a very expenses trailer.....

I almost miss those days when skids visited. LOL ALMOST