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Things are spiraling out of control, again.

Ninji's picture

I received a call at around 2pm while at work from DH on Wednesday. He told me that SS had gotten jumped by three boys from school. He was hurt and his glasses were broke.

As you can imagine, I was freaked out. I immediately left work and raced home. It wasn't as bad as we had imagined. He did have bruised eyebrow that was swelling. His glasses were a little bend but fine. Either way, I was still very upset that some kid punched SS in the face. SS said he didn't know the kids names (several were in attendance) and he didn't know why they wanted to fight him.

SS has been complaining about being bullied in his new school pretty much since the beginning. Last month, I told DH I had enough and we needed to go to the school and get this figured out. DH said he would handle it and then he didn't do anything. DH told SS he would handle the fight without getting the school or police involved. When I asked him what he was going to do, he had no clue.

So, I did what I always do. I handled it. I took yesterday off work and went into SS's school full on momma bear mode. The principal told me that she couldn't do anything because it wasn't on school property but if it happened again, I could call the police. I told her I wasn't waiting for my kid to get punched in the face again. I wanted the culprits name, I was calling the police today.

AND THEN.....The truth came out. SS isn't being bullied; he is the bully. The kid that punched him did it because SS had slapped him in the breakfast line a few weeks prior and this confrontation between the kids had been brewing. Several other kids were pulled out of the class and asked questions. His teacher had a very long talk with me about SS bullying kids, continuing blaming others for "being out to get him", telling kids he is going to kill them and other worrying details.

SS was a bully in his last school. We all knew that. Even Wednesday night, DH and I were talking about the fight and how SS had to be more at fault that he was admitting. I asked the teacher why none of these incidents had been reported to DH or I. She said she didn't want SS to not trust her????

I'm not a doctor but I seriously think SS has some kind of mental illness. I'm not talking about ADD or ADHD. I feel like it's something much more serious. If you read my past blogs from a few years ago, SS was completely out of control. We thought we had a handle on his more serious issues but his teacher just isn't keeping us in the loop in regards to his violence in school.....But we get calls when he won't stop talking in school or he is not completing work???

DH and I were seriously mad at SS yesterday. He lied to us about not knowing the kid that hit him and not knowing why he would do it. He has been lying when we ask him how he is behaving in school. He's back to getting bad grades because he is lying about having homework and isn't brining home his books to study when he has a test.

As soon as the custody is finalized, I'm going to put SS (along with DH and SD) on my insurance and we are taking him to a counselor. DH and I have no idea what else to do at this point.

Comments

Monchichi's picture

Ninji you are such a sweetheart. If your DH isn't going to own this, then I can't see how you can. Will you have any say on SS's medical care? Will you have any legal rights?

Ninji's picture

DH and I went to a meeting with the school his first month there because he told a kid he was going to kill him. SS's situation at his old school as well as the situation with BM just dumping the poor kid, was all discussed. They also had his school records from the old school and had spoken to his previous teacher. We were very open about his behavior and tried to give them some examples of what worked and what didn't.

I don't understand why the teacher didn't tell us he is still telling kids he is going to kill them. We thought that was handled. And why she isn't telling us he is hitting other kids.

Ninji's picture

What works for some doesn't work for others.

I have learned from this board. I've learned that disengaging doesn't work for our family. I've learned that I don't care if I care more than the bios. At least SOMEONE cares.

SS has problems. Lots of problems. I still love him and want the best for him. I'm not going to stop trying my hardest to do right by those kids. No matter what other people think. If my DH died today, I would stay a part of those kids lives. Bad behavior, stinking breath, not showering, and all.

Just because I come on this board to vent and occasionally ask for advice, doesn't mean I'm throwing in the towel. I've been with SS since he was just a little 4yr old. How can you expect me to give up on someone I love just because I'm not his bio parent.

Ninji's picture

We both work full time so home schooling isn't an option right now. I'm hoping we can get him to see someone professionally this summer and figure out a game plan.

Ninji's picture

Thank you for the reply and the advice. I have no experience with mental illness and hopefully I'm just being paranoid and he's just a brat but I grew up with all brothers and male cousins and I've never seen this behavior. Again, thank you.