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DD had the babies

Dusti's picture

About 2 weeks ago dd had the twins. Her water gushed all over the dr who was checking her :O . Baby A was breech so they did a c-section. The babies needed some extra care and oxygen so they went to the nicu. After the babies were born and dd was settled I called dh and let him know. I also told him ss and bm were not allowed at the hospital and not to let them know. He did so now we fighting. SS and bm would have been told just not then. We hadn't picked a family for the babies and dd was emotional. I just wanted some time to sort everything out before the hard decisions were made. Bm and ss came up with dh. He says they ambushed him in the lobby. Dd didn't want them in there and yelled at them to leave so they did. She got to see the babies and hold them. We had a long talk and she was committed to not raising them and finding the right family for them. We talked with the adoption agency and the agency went as a go between with bm and ss. Bm said SS needed to see the babies before any negotiations could start. We had no choice but to allow ss to see them. Bm tried like hell to see them but she had zero standing. Dh went in with him. Dh said he was amazed and afraid to hold them. Dh tried to talk to him about the adoption but ss refused to. Ss left with bm. Later that night dh gets a phone call and you can hear bm on the other end saying they will not consent to adopt the babies out. They want the babies. DD heard and started crying. The dr wound up giving her some more pain meds and it knocked her out. It was awful. The adoption agency tried to talk with bm and ss and they refused any communications. The adoption agency let us know there was nothing they could do and that was that. We talked to an attorney and we were told what we already knew and expected to hear. We either keep the babies or give them to ss. DD was torn. Do what was right for her or what was best for the babies? DD allowed bm and ss to come to the hospital and we all talked about what was best for the babies. Everyone agreed SS was to young and also that dd wasn't ready to be a mom either. Bm then took over the conversation and said she wanted to adopt the babies. If dd said no then they would fight for 50/50 custody. DD explained she wasn't ready and pleaded with this woman to allow a family to take them. Bm refused. I have never wanted to punch someone as bad as I did right then. My dd was begging her while she sobbed to please let these babies grow up in a family and bm insisted they are in a family already. After 3 hours of back and forth dd lost. She knew she couldn't keep them nor did she wish to raise them. She gave in and bm is adopting the babies. They went home with ss and bm and she is going through the process with the adoption agency. Dh is acting all hunky dory like nothing is wrong. He is fine with this. He doesn't care if bm got the twins as long as ss isn't responsible for them. DD is a wreck and seeing a therapist. I'm seeing one also. This has aged me. So this is where we stand now.

Comments

Dusti's picture

I forgot to mention that dd named the babies and filled out the bc. Bm is calling them different names on social media. I think that is uncalled for.

Icansorelate's picture

This was an entirely predictable outcome. I am sorry.

Your DD is an awful position. Why are your still married to your DH? He was an absolute a$$ in this. The only way your daughter will have any peace is for you to divorce your DH and move away. Cut ties and go.

Tuff Noogies's picture

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Disneyfan's picture

Thank goodness BM stepped up and decided to adopt her grandchildren.

Your daughter raped a minor. She doesn't want the kids. She doesn't theiron father to have them. She doesn't want their grandmother to have them. But, she wants the honor of naming them. :? :? Talk about selfish and entitled.

Your husband did the right thing by calling SS and telling him that his children were born.

DaizyDuke's picture

Yeah, I'm a bit confused as to what the hell difference it makes what BM is calling them???

DaizyDuke's picture

Can you please explain to me why it is such a terrible fate for these babies to be adopted by BM and their FATHER? I mean you told us that BM is very religious, is NOT a terrible mother (heck her son was not having sex with his step sister at HER house right?)It's not like BM is some crack whore living in the ghetto. So why exactly is this sooooo awful??? :? :?

and is BM telling people the stork brought these babies to her or what???

iluvcheese's picture

I don't understand why SS wouldn't sign adoption papers for an intact family to adopt them, but he'll sign for his BM to adopt them. He doesn't want to raise them, but he'll be around them forever. It's going to be hard & complicated for him too. BM shouldnt have interfered with what to do with the babies, aside from simply offering to raise them. Sorry everyone is dealing with this.

momofbioandstep's picture

I'm wondering why your DH was allowed to go in and see the babies but BM wasnt. They are both the grandparents. So what "standing" does your DH have that she doesnt?

Your daughter RAPED her stepbrother. Yes at this time he is too young to financially care for the kids. He can still care for them physically though. Meaning if BM adopts them their father will still be there with them. Why take away both parents just because your daughter did something wrong and doesnt want to live with her mistake (literally)?

As far as the names your daughter could name them whatever she wants but when they are adopted the names can be changed. I'm wondering why she thinks she should name them and the names stay the same if shes not keeping them.

momofbioandstep's picture

From my understanding the DD does because she is still a jr in high school. I cant remember if ss is still going over for visitation but I know that is one situation where it shouldnt be enforced.

Cooooookies's picture

So you and your daughter want nothing to do with the babies but want to name them?!

Want nothing to do with them but didn't want the babies own father and grandmother to see them?!

Want nothing to do with them yet are upset that their own grandmother wants to adopt them?!

You, madam, are certifiably insane and a golden uterus nutjob BM. Your daughter is a rapist and a nutjob in the making, thanks to you. Your DH is either the most saintly man on the planet or the dumbest man on the planet to put up with you and your daughter's b.s.

Again, you make me sick.

Disneyfan's picture

The OP's daughter raped a 13 year old child. They are lucky the BM only figuratively spit the girls face. If that were my son, I would not rest until I got my hands on her.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I'm pro-women's rights but abortion is the limit at which I draw the line for a person to have full control over the legalities of children. Once they are born, the FATHER has rights to them.

How can you and your daughter not want to keep them, and at the same time not allow the father and his mother who wants them to keep them? Do some deep soul searching and yeah, some comments here can seem harsh but they are completely called for. If this was the other way around and your DD and you wanted to keep them, and the father didn't want you to despite not wanting them himself, you'd be up in arms.

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I completely agree the GBM should take her daughter far away from this cluster-eff of dysfunction. However, many people are tied to those who they do not wish to be tied to via children they had with someone they regret having sex with who cannot get away. This is the unfortunate reality and consequence of having unprotected sex.

Regardless of whether or not the father has the full capacity to provide for them, he wants them, and his mother is willing to come in and take over because he doesn't have the legal abilities to "adopt" them and take the legal responsibility from OP's daughter's hands. If the father wants them, and he is not abusive or neglectful, he has a right to them first, before any adoptive family wants them.

Do I think that they should have been given to an intact family to be adopted? Yes, that would have been the absolute best case scenario so both these kids can move on and heal. But that would have held true for me ONLY IF both parents agreed. One, the father, evidently does not, and therefore his right to his children trumps the most ideal situation. Take it this way, millions of children are born into less than ideal situations--do I think the best decision a single, unmarried and unattached woman with a minimum wage job who got pregnant on a one night stand should abort for the best of everyone, including herself and the potential child? Yes. But if she wants to keep them, it is her right, and I will never, ever stand in her way and WILL defend her decision, even if it's not one that I would have made myself.

redneck69's picture

I'm going to go out on a limb here, but it sounds like the girl didn't want to have the babies and neither did the boy. it sounds like the girl wanted to give them to a family that could take care of them and give them a better life. the problem is the boys mother, the boy probably would have signed his rights away for an adoption if his mother wasn't around. twins are a lot of work and a single mother cant do it by herself. yes the girl was older than the boy but if they wanted to have sex it was going to happen no matter what the ages or finding a place. it's sad that the boy probably will not be able to do the things that he should be able to in high school and college because he will have some type of responsibility to help out with them. if the girl signs away her rights and puts them up for adoption she should not have to pay child support or anything.

Maxwell09's picture

I think the only reason your daughter and you didn't want to keep them was because they were a reminder of what she did. She had sex with her stepbrother. I won't call it rape because I'm sure she didn't force herself on top of him but she did have sex with a minor who by law is considered her brother. She only wanted to get rid of them so she wouldn't be shamed. That's very immature, she laid in the bed she chose so you need to stop interfering with natural consequences so she can learn, heal, and grow.

Jlbfinch's picture

Does statutory rape not fall under mandated reporting laws? I can't see how all these officials from hospital staff to adoption workers are not looking at this situation and seeing anything that may need to be reported. I feel like the boy (who was only 13 at the time of conception) really needs a third party advocate in all of this.

Disneyfan's picture

I'm sure every mandated reporter who was made aware of the father's age, made the call in an effort to cover their asses.

Who would risk losing their career in order to protect the OP's daughter?

Disneyfan's picture

Parents do not have to agree in when a minor is abused. As a matter of fact, a parent refusing to cooperate could land the kid in foster care.

oneoffour's picture

IF this is all still true (and I really have my doubts) this boy will grow up with his 2 children as his siblings. And explain it all to these kids when they are older.

I am still calling foul on this one. Didn't happen. Who in their right mind comes back to a site where she is lamblasted for her daughters behaviour and STILL reports on the 'birth'?

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

I was given the option of morphine after my C-section... pretty sure that would have EFFED ME UP even more than the combination of drugs I was on already, if not completely knocked me out. I don't remember being wheeled into the recovery triage and lost about an hour in memory so when I "woke up" I was surprised to see DH next to me.

What's even funnier was my attention span seriously went down to the size of a goldfish's, and I would get distracted by the beeping of my blood pressure machine, then turn around and exclaim "when did you get here?!?" to DH, then get distracted again, turn around and be surprised DH was there AGAIN--must have gone on 5 or 6 times.

So... sometimes it's the combination of stuff and what's already been in your system to give the reaction that it did.

ntm's picture

I'm sorry, I think any straight 14 year old boy would jump at the chance to have sex with an 18 year old girl. DH says he would have. You all crying rape ask your partners. And as for the GBM, hah! Adoption is traumatic, even for babies, so that karma bus might be heading straight for her. Those babies should have gone to a family who wanted them to love, not a bitter woman on a power trip.

Disneyfan's picture

Just because a child would jump at the chance to screw an adult, doesn't make it right.

Ask your husband what he would do if a grown man tried to get into his 13 year old old daughter's panties.

The OP and her daughter are the only bitter ones on a power trip.

still learning's picture

My DH told me that he had a relationship w/a woman in her 20's when he was a young teen and then she suddenly left town and he never saw her again. He jokes that he may have another child out there somewhere because they never used protection. Ha ha, so funny DH. I swear if another skid pops up out of the blue and DH allows "it" to interfere w/our lives then we are DONE. I've already dealt with the current 2 ss's, 3 would push me over the edge.

NOT FUNNY DH!!! And no it doesn't make it right but I doubt there were even laws against it 35 ish years ago.

still learning's picture

Just sad for all involved. I agree that the babies would have been better off being adopted by a family far removed from this drama. Teen daddy who was statutory raped by his step sister makes for great fantasy (for stupid teens :sick: )but the reality of this situation has life long consequences. Like a previous poster said, this may not be the end for DD, she could be on the hook for CS depending on whether BM adopts or gets custody.

Hopefully your daughter has learned a valuable lesson about birth control and sex with a step sibling. I can't imagine how I would feel if this was my DD. I know it would be terrible being the mother/grandmother in this situation. Glad to hear you're both in counseling.

JustAgirl42's picture

"Hopefully your daughter has learned a valuable lesson about birth control and sex with a step sibling."

HA! Sorry, this just made me laugh, because, I know it's just common sense to use birth control if you don't want to have a kid, but who needs to be told not to have sex with their step-sibling?? Oh, I guess an 18 year old and horny child. Sad

Disneyfan's picture

I think BM is a ROCKSTAR for stepping and adopting her grandkids.

The only thing I would do differently is beat the crap out of that chick for raping my son.

BethAnne's picture

Personally I would not have blackmailed the girl to carry children she did not want. And if I wanted to prosecute her for rape I would have done that already not held it over their heads for this long. As for adoring the children once they were born, sure I would strongly consider that.