Disappointing News from Doctor
I am SM to twin SS7/SD8 on a 50/50 custody schedule, no bios of my own. I have been SM since the twins were in diapers. DH and I have been trying to have a baby and it culminated with DH seeing a doctor. The results we got today were very poor. The doctor's prognosis was bad enough that he jumped to last ditch options/adoptions. We weren't expecting something that serious and the IVF/sperm donor/adoption talk still isn't sitting well with me.
The kind of thoughts reeling through my head are numerous and mostly negative so I won't bother sharing them. There is a very real sense of sadness, though. I really don't know what to do but I know that I won't be able to make a decision until my head is a lot clearer. Feeling really low...
To make matters more frustrating, BM is acting weird again. She wants to have a mysterious talk with DH tomorrow morning but she won't say what about. The last time she requested that was about two years ago and it wound up in a relocation hearing. (It's not worth going into details but BM won the right to relocate but couldn't because she couldn't sell her rather expensive house so nothing changed. These days the schedule is still 50/50 but usually in DH's favor because she's always got things coming up or is out of town.) She was even talking about some kind of far off move (she talks a lot about it but rarely does something and she hates the area where we live) but now it's dawning on us that maybe she was trying to feel us out for another relocation hearing. Don't know if she'll be able to make it to this mysterious talk tomorrow anyway because she's had the flu and requested we keep kids for her only overnights this week for sake of contagion/recovery.
I feel like a total heel but, as much as I love my SKs, as much as I love being with them, as much as they love me, with news like this from the doctor today -- they feel like a reminder of what I can't have with my husband, that I am an outcast in our little family, and that I may never get to be a mom.
I very much needed to vent today.