Should I contact SD?
SD lives 2 hours away, and she called last night and left a message that she want to come up today for the day - not our house but to the beach and probably some mutual friends of mine and DH's. Yes, she infiltrated a couple we hang with and goes over there every opportunity she can.
DH is actually out of town visiting a friend, he left yesterday and won't be back until late tonight.
SD just assumes DH will be around to meet up with. Should I text her and tell her he is not around? I have been disengaged from her for over 3 years and have no contact so don't really think I should but on the other hand 2 hours to drive to visit her dad is quite far. She is also bringing her 3 kids - DH' s grandkids.
I am thinking naa, not my problem. For the step mom's disengaged, what would you do?
Can't let DH know she left a
Can't let DH know she left a message as he is away at his friends. I am certainly not going to call him there and tell him. It was on our house phone - voice mail. I actually didn't get the message until early this morning. I was out last night too.
I am also of the mindset to ignore - not my problem if she drives all this way and daddy isn't around.
No, DH does not have a cell
No, DH does not have a cell phone so can't text him. I don't think it is an emergency that I need to get in touch with him. I am sure this will blow up in my face somehow but she shouldn't just assume he is sitting around doing nothing and available if she decides on a whim to drive two hours to visit.
It's not your problem. He
It's not your problem. He didn't get the voice mail as he's on a social trip. He didn't respond to her, so she should take the lack of response for what it was. He's not around.
If she shows at the beach anyway, she and the kids will have some fun. It's not a wasted trip. No, Dad won't show up, but that is a chance she took when he failed to returned her call. Perhaps she'll start practicing advance planning in the future.
If she did not speak to her
If she did not speak to her dad or hear back from him after leaving a message, she should not expect to meet up with him. Not your job to keep her informed on your DH's whereabouts.
LOL - Hoodwinked our friends.
LOL - Hoodwinked our friends. That is probably fairly accurate. She seems really nice to people until they get to know her and find out she usually has ulterior motives. After a short while of being friendly, she starts to badmouth me to anyone who will listen. Then if they are my friends or family she gets shut down and she stops talking to them as they won't join her in the let's hate 20Years campaign.
As my name states I have been at this for over 20 years (25 years now) and tried really hard to have a good relationship with her until approx 3 years ago when I just couldn't put up with the emotional abuse anymore. I am not some jealous unstable SM - I worked on myself along with counselors and spent a lot of time reflecting on the dysfunction and for health reasons I HAD to disengage.
Thanks CleverGirlFriend. You
Thanks CleverGirlFriend. You are absolutley right. Not my business and will not defend myself over it if it becomes an issue with DH.
I am working later today anyway so won't be home.
I'd probably text her that DH
I'd probably text her that DH isn't home and that I already have plans and most likely won't be either.
I wouldn't want her to show up at the door thinking he was there.
I wouldn't contact DH. He's away. If he wanted to be available to her at all times he'd have a cell phone with him. No cell phone means you miss calls like this. I would save the message and have him listen to it when he comes home.
What's to complain about then? He wasn't home. You let her know. You told him about the call and he can contact her if he wishes.
When I read your message I
When I read your message I thought, 'What would I do if this was my SD, whom I can't stand to be around either?' I would hate to text her or call her back, but it would be worse if she showed up at my door - whether DH was here or not. I agree with notarelative, text her that DH is not home and you are not available.
Not a peep so far today from
Not a peep so far today from SD so maybe she changed her mind when she didn't hear back from Daddy. I doubt she would just show up at my door since she knows she is not welcome when I am here - I wasn't too worried about that happening.
She is bringing the gkids here next weekend for a visit with DH - they will be here for 3 days so it is not like he will not see them for a while now.
Thanks all for for your advice. I didn't bother with the message and ignored it. Left DH a note for when he returns that she called.
Ignore her message - Not your
Ignore her message - Not your problem. If she shows up act surprised, but don't offer her room and board. Let those infiltrated friends take her in.
Bad thing about having beach front property, cabin in the woods, home around some popular attraction is that everyone seems to think you are the free hotel for when they visit.
I would not call her back.
I would not call her back.
Since you are 100% disengaged
Since you are 100% disengaged from her - just ignore her. She left a message for her father who is not at home to get it. He'll hear it when he returns home. It's not like he needs to rush home for an emergency.
DH lost his phone when we were on a trip so went a week or so with no phone. DH could use my phone to call SS30, and I handed him the phone if SS called on my number. But I ignored all calls and messages if DH was not around.
That's what I usually do too
That's what I usually do too - if DH is not home, I ignore the phone if SD is calling. I let it go to voicemail.
She doesn't really have a lot
She doesn't really have a lot of friends. She hangs out with this older couple that used to be DH and Ex's friends now. And now she is trying to take over our current friends too LOL. Not sure why she can't just have a life of her own.
She is really odd.
Edited to add: She is married with 3 kids and has a nice house with inground pool so not sure why she is so needy.
No that is between her dad
No that is between her dad and HER. If she wanted to see him she would have made her desires known before hand.
What did people do before cell phones, answering machines,,,OH that's right, I lived in that time frame.
We made arrangements well in advance and not this last minute stuff OR you would be viewed as being rude without manners. And you would NEVER just show up at someone's house on a whim.
It is ok to peek out the window a little and if you do not want to answer the door, it is your home YOU do not have to for anyone.
Just because Technology is now avail doesn't remove the need for good manners.
JMO