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How is it not enough?

msg1986's picture

Bm loves saying Dh doesn't do "enough" for her and Ss and that he's a horrible father. Well this got me thinking, what exactly is enough? For those of you that are Bm's, what is enough to you?

Dh has Ss every weekend, pays for health/dental insurance, at this point is doing all the transporation (bm lives almost an hour away), Ss has a room at our house with everything he needs, Dh has him in karate but only the weekends because Bm refuses to put him in anything and Dh pays CS like clockwork.

I just don't understand what else she expects him to do... I know it doesn't matter what she says or how she feels but it just baffles me and with the court paperwork being officially filed as of yesterday my mind is just ticking... What else more could he even do?

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ChiefGrownup's picture

Our BM feels the same. Allegedly. She certainly throws it in his face when she's caught out with things like allowing SD15's truancy.

We have them every weekend. DH also has them one evening a week. DH's WIFE (that would be ME) has one kid one afternoon and evening a week. So that leaves BM with 12 hours face to face time with one of the kids and 16 with the other per week. We have them 48 waking hours face time per week.

DH does almost all the doctoring and dentisting. Takes time off from work all the time for this (she won't). Drives 30 miles to pick up SD15 for school when BM has let her miss the bus. Pays out of pocket for autism services for SS13 while giving BM all the state provided services. Provides a social life for SS13.

Pays not only CS but clothes, babysitters, all kinds of extras routinely every month to the hundreds of dollars.
And in their divorce decree he gave her the nearly paid off house, ALL their assets and took on ALL their debt.

She recently sent him a note saying she was a saint because she "could have" asked for more money. What more money? the fillings from his teeth? Oh, and the note was in response to him sending a text about SD's flunking school. Exactly how did her answer have anything to do with school?????!!!

msg1986's picture

Wow Cheif, I can't believe your dh does all that. I can't believe that Bm has the audacity to even say such a thing. Some people. smh.

just_tired's picture

your DH is doing all he can and is doing what the court orders. My BM use to tell my DH that he was just a part time dad that paid CS, oh and the only time she would she that is when he wouldn't take the kids on her weekends so she could go party. But let's now fast-forward to now, we have the kids full time, she pays no CS and hasn't seen the kids in 2 months because no one will supervise her dumbass with them. But she's still a great mom.

princessmofo's picture

What does she expect? She expects him to continue to be her whipping boy/doormat and ATM for eternity. It doesn't matter that they are divorced. She's a golden uterus and he should continue to fill the role of "husband" and "breadwinner" until he drops dead.

At least that's the impression I get from out bm, twat waffle. I am a bm and I get zero, zip, zilch from my bios sperm donor which is just fine by me. Good riddance. I'm not an entitled, lazy, manipulative cunt who thinks the world and dh owes me something because I managed to squeeze a child out of my loins...

Gee, I sound angry and bitter don't I? I wonder why? LOL

BethAnne's picture

If she is anything like Bm in our case, she wants your husband to act as her personal bank account, whenever she wants some extra cash all she has to do is make up a reason why SD absolutely needs something vital and it can't wait until the next time he gives her CS (which is every 15 days, so not even a month) and she is broke because she has already spent all her CS 2 days after receiving it and conveniently forgets that she has a job now so will be getting money from that too. Can you tell that he has believed her on more than one occasion so she continues to play this game?!

And she also wants him to agree to ever little thing she says even if she wants her daughter to have completely unnecessary surgery that she won't have to pay for.

He also needs to be her personal verbal (these days, used to by literal) punching bag whenever she is in a bad mood.

She wants him to take SD as much as possible because she can't really stand her daughter for long periods of time due to her ineptitude for parenting and their personality clash (due to her general volatile mood, and lack of parenting skills). Oh but she doesn't want him to have custody because then she would be seen as a bad mother (that part I know is partially societies sexism, but someone thinking of their child's best interest would put that aside) and of course she needs to have CS because she has never been able to (or really tried to) support herself in her whole life.

msg1986's picture

Thank you for your response. I always try to put myself in her shoes and think about what I would want from Dh if we split up and what you wrote is exactly that.

msg1986's picture

That's a very good question which I don't have an answer for. Dh has to constantly remind Bm that his only concern is his son and that's when he get an earful of how she's the mother of his child so he should be concerned about her too and then that leads into him being a bad father because he doesn't care about the mother of his child.

msg1986's picture

Right!?!? Whenever Dh starts with his Bm bashing, I like to remind him that she was all of those things when he decided to procreate with her, what's changed?

ItHasGottenBetter's picture

Our BM posted one of those shared memes on facebook yesterday that said:
I hate when the ex says 'I'm here if you need me' but where were you when we were married and I needed you.

You generally only share those things that has a personal meaning to it. It has me baffled why she would post something like this. DSO never asks her for anything bc he doesn't need her...she doesn't do anything for anyone else anyway and has let him and skids down numerous times.
DSO is her only DH so it isn't for another man.

Just more trashing so their mutual friends will still think he is a POS and she is the wronged one.

Point being....you can't read a BMs mind so no point in even thinking about it.

learningallthetime's picture

Yeah, as a BM, we do 50:50 and no CS, with no court order. All I want is for BS8 to feel comfortable going there, and for him to take care of his needs while there. This has been ok for 2 years, with a few hurdles. However, it is now breaking down due to ex not being able to hold a job. Currently ex has no car, but rather than tell me (BS8 did), BS8 was with me all last week and then tardy to school on dad days this week. I just want the courtesy of a phone call explaining he is in a tough spot, can I watch BS8 (I live next to the school) and I would happily step in and switch back to 50:50 when ex has it figured out...much better than last minute phone calls the night before so I am scrambling! Also, if he has issues, to let BS8 stay here for his own comfort - so he is not emotionally distraught as he knows something is up. I would do the same if roles were reversed.

mommy0104's picture

My DH pays CS faithfully and spends time with my skids but because he doesn't buy them everything under the sun and have them stuck up his butt he's apparently a bad father. But the fact that he loves and provides ( the things they need not just material crap) for the sons we have together and he teaches them life lessons that's enough for me.