So now this has to be about her, too!
SD15 has started to make BS19's graduation all about her, now! Last night she was going on and on and on about how it makes her so sad that her brother is graduating (yes, technically she can call him that since DH adopted him, but they really don't have any kind of relationship). She starts going on how it's going to be so sad him leaving for college. Really? Just a couple of months ago, you were trying to take over his room the second he walked out the door!!!
Then, she really lays on the drama..."OMG! I can't believe that soon I will be graduating!" She still has 3 whole years to try to get through without getting into more trouble or ending up pregnant! "Won't it be so sad when I leave?" Sorry, guys...couldn't resist here...I shouted, "Yay!!! That means we can walk around naked whenever we want!" DH starts in with me saying the same thing! SD15's jaw hits the floor, and she shuts up and goes to bed! Was that mean? It did put and end to Scene 1057! LOL
I did address the room issue a couple of weeks ago with DH...BS19 was sitting right there. DH brought up to BS19 that SD15 was already eyeing his room, and I immediately jumped in to BS19's defense. I reminded DH that BS19 was only going to college...he wasn't leaving home yet! Most of his stuff will still be here, as there are 2-3 months out of the year that he will probably come home to see friends and whatever. He needs to know that his space is still HIS space! I told DH that I've already discussed with BS19 that when he goes to college, we will work together to get rid of any junk he knows he doesn't want, but he is keeping all of his furniture...I will then help him get the room organized after he packs up what he is taking to college. Made it a point to tell DH that BS19 still has way more stuff than SD15 that he isn't taking with him, and that stuff will not fit in the room she currently is in (she has a twin bed, he has a queen...she has a shelf and a dresser...he has a tall boy, an entertainment unit, a night stand, and another short dresser with shelving on top). Seems for now, I've squashed the idea of SD15 getting BS19's bigger room.
Oh no...that isn't an option!
Oh no...that isn't an option! He got most the funiture from a family friend who was updating their bedroom, and didn't want to go through the hassle of getting rid of it. BS19 had a truck at a time, and was told, "If you want it, take it, so I don't have to figure out what to do with it!" So, it is ALL his, and I will fight against her thinking otherwise. It is nice stuff...all cherrywood. SD15 would destroy it!!! She has already written nonsense all over her current stuff with sharpie! Seriously? Infinity symbols, song lyrics, etc. I'm just waiting for her to be tired of it and claim she needs new stuff that doesn't have the writing on it. My plan then? Some sand paper and wood finish..."Here, you wanted to refinish it yourself with sharpie? Now, instead of getting new stuff, you can refinish it back to the way it was before the sharpie! Ask your dear daddy to help!"
BD23 moved out at
BD23 moved out at 18...actually moved out. She didn't go on to school, as she is still trying to figure out what she wants as a career. But, she is working...two jobs as a matter of fact. She is very smart with her money. She was a bit of trouble in high school...the kid who had been good the whole time through it all, I guess finally reached a point she couldn't hold it in any more. At 15, she started hanging around some questionable kids, and started getting into trouble. Her senior year of high school was the worst, and she ended up actually having to be told to leave when she was 18. Before being told to leave, she was regularly punished for her trouble...even once losing her bedroom door when she was caught sneaking out! It was the hardest thing I had to do, but I had a younger child to think about. That was BD23's wake up call, and she cleaned up her act, finished school, and we mended our relationship.
BS19 had to redo 4th grade. His troubles that year were a bit understandable...his first round of 4th grade was when my ex suddenly decided he didn't want to be a dad any more. BS19 didn't deal with it in the best way...his way of acting out was simply not doing his school work. Now, even though it was understandable, there were still consequences for not doing his work...he pretty much spent that entire school year grounded from about everything. Whenever report cards or progress reports came out, he had to hear about how all of his friends were going to move on without him, etc. I also had him doing regular visits with the school counselor during this time, so he would have an outlet besides us...if there was anything he didn't feel comfortable talking to us about. He got back straight the second round of 4th grade. He has been a great kid since...he is very respectful, keeps himself out of trouble, etc...which is evident by the school which actually came after him to play football. His college holds character as a very high priority on their list of acceptances. He graduates high school in a couple of weeks. He also works full time by his own choice.
SD15...she is quite the different story!! There have been issues her entire life with being disrespectful, bossy, stuck up, and entitled. She has always tried to manipulate everyone around her. The reason she is with us is because she got kicked out of BM's house by her stepfather for skipping school, smoking pot, and drinking! All of this started when she was 13! SD15 has this way of zeroing in on the worst kids to hang out with! And she is very narcissistic. Everything has to be about her, and if it isn't, she will manipulate things to make it about her! If she doesn't get what she wants, she gets BM to call up DH and cuss him out until the princess gets what she wants! With all the crap she does, she never really gets punished! She still visits BM's occasionally, and this last time she snuck someone into their house. Her ONLY punishment was her internet turned off, which I swear DH only did because we had a recent discussion/fight about how SD15 never gets punished for anything, whereas my bio kids always got punished for much less than what SD15 has done! 80% of what comes out of the girl's mouth is lies, and other 20% is narcissistic crap! She treats everyone like crap, especially DH and me. DH puts up with it, I don't...but DH never backs me or comes to my defense when SD15 starts talking crap.
So yeah...when SD15 graduates or drops out of school, I expect her out of this house! This is a problem created by mostly by BM over the last 15 years, with a little assistance by DH (seeing as he was lucky to get SD15 one weekend a month over the time she didn't live with us...so on weekends he wanted it to be all fun and about SD15). Now that BM cannot handle the monster she created, SD15 has been dumped on us, and I'm forced to deal with it. I had no clue that this child would end up like this 14 years ago when I got together with DH!! I've gotten to watch this situation unfold over the years, and I've never been allowed to say jack about it!!! I wasn't even consulted when she was moved in...just got the "Honey, _____ has to come live with us. I just got through picking her and her stuff up from her mom's and we are on the way home!" So yeah...I want her out!!! My bios would never treat DH or me the way this girl treats us! This isn't about blood and not blood...this is about two kids who have respect for us vs. one who has no respect for anyone! I don't ever see her getting a job...she won't even clean up after herself around this house! DH picks her stuff up because I refuse to!!! You ask her to do something as simple as take the trash out, and it is a huge production...like how dare we ask her to do anything! So, yes...at the soonest possible moment she has to move out, because I'm not going to pay for her to lay in front of my TV all day every day and treat me like I'm her servant!
The look on her face was
The look on her face was truly priceless!!! I loved it!!! I don't know if she couldn't believe that we would talk about walking around the house naked, or that she was in shock that we didn't say how sad it would be that she would be gone.
:jawdrop:
They HATE being reminded that
They HATE being reminded that it's not all about them, don't they? They need to be brought back down to earth every now and then, though. Truly.
I think a lot of children whose parents are divorced are doted on more than they really should be, because they're...*reverent, hushed voice*...children of DIVORCE! We must handle them with kid gloves and kiss their asses every five minutes so they won't forget just how fragile and precious and wonderful they are. I see it with my skids every other week, from DH, BM, MIL, and FIL. It's gross.
They end up raising kids who truly believe everyone's world revolves around them, like they're the star of their own movie, and we're all just bit players in their little universe.
Boy are they in for a shock once they get out in the real world! I've tried hard not to raise my two boys this way, and my parents don't fawn over them too much, either. Just because your parents aren't together anymore doesn't make you king/queen of the world.
as others have said tho, even
as others have said tho, even in intact famililes, kids today are spoiled, and made to think the world revolves around them.
SD13 was raised with "child centered parenting" and it only exacerbated the issue when her parents split.
My bios were never treated as
My bios were never treated as children of divorce. Yeah, when my ex did something stupid and they needed comforting, they got the comforting they needed. Other than that, they still understood that mom had a life besides being mom, and the world wasn't at their beck and call! I wasn't about to raise a couple of entitled victims!
you shoudl see the stuff BM
you shoudl see the stuff BM writes to lawyers, counselor, fiance, anyone who will listen abotu SD.
"oh i admire her SO MUCH for all she's been through"; "i am SO PROUD of her accomplishments, particularly the ones she's made over the past few years while dealing with SO MUCH"; "I love and look up to my daughter SO MUCH, she is my INSPIRATION and reason for living" and it goes on and on. makes me wanna BARF SO MUCH!
I remember when I moved away
I remember when I moved away to college. My younger brother wanted to turn my bedroom into a weight room and my dad was all for it. My mom was the one who put her foot down, granted there was still an extra bed in her craft room. Good thing she did because I was coming home every weekend just about in my second year of college. (I was only about 2 hours away).
I of course was hurt that I was just being pushed out, but that doesn't compare to what they did to me in March when I moved out. They packed up all my shit while I was at work, went through my entire bedroom. (Dad and 22 year old brother)
Anyways... I would have loved to see her face when you told her that you could walk around naked again!! Is he moving far away for college?
My son will be 6 hours
My son will be 6 hours away...so it isn't too far. He already says he plans on coming home during breaks, since so many of his friends are staying here and going to community college. It's crazy...we had a mostly senior varsity team this year...40+ seniors, and only 2 wanted to play football in college...BS19 and one other boy...and both are going to play at the same college!
Oh, there is NO WAY in hell that this momma is going to let happen to BS19 what happened to you! BS19 has lived with me his whole life...was in this house the entire time we lived here, not just the last 12 months and a bit here and there for the last 10 years! THIS house has been his home just over half of his life! SD15 has only lived here the last 12 months...before that she was here maybe one weekend a month outside of the first time she got in trouble and lived here for 5 months before begging to go back to BM's! 5 months later, she got into major trouble again, and was shipped back to us! She thinks she can walk in here and just run the place like she did BM's for so long! Oh heck no! She keeps going on and on about how she will be the only kid after BS19 leaves for college and it will be so great! Makes me want to barf! She thinks that means she will get more stuff! WRONG!!! Think again, princess! My boy will be in college, and my money goes to him first! Dear daddy is NOT the main wage earner in this house!
punkin they are so, so, so
punkin they are so, so, so oblivious. i just dont get it.
Oblivious, afraid of
Oblivious, afraid of confrontation, doesn't want their princess upset? Who knows! I see a lot of teen-aged girls acting like this these days, so there must be a bunch of ball-less men running round in the world, because most of the ones I see, their mother's act the same way they do!