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Part SD14 and part the school

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

This first week of school is really causing some stress! SD14 should have never been allowed to join color guard. I thought my nightmare would be over when school started, but NOOOOOOOOOO!

Yesterday, she tries to TELL me that I need to take her to school instead of her riding the bus, because she doesn't like having to run straight to color guard when she gets off the bus. Sorry if you can't go to the cafeteria to socialize and, oh yeah, cost extra money eating breakfast that you should be eating at home! It isn't like she doesn't have time. I get her up at 5:30 a.m., and the bus gets here at 6:45 a.m. I told DH, and when he said he could take her to school, but she would have to sit there from 7:00 a.m. until whenever band/color guard starts, she changed her tune. The school doesn't even open to students until 7:30 a.m., which is only about 10 minutes before when the bus gets SD14 there. Sorry, not giving up my coffee time before starting my work day and wasting a full gallon of gas a day so she can socialize for 10 minutes!

Then today, SD14 texts me that she just found out that she has color guard practice after school. This practice was not on any of the schedules provided to us. The color guard is being run by the captain, apparently. They do not have an adult coach. So basically, this little girl can just call her mom and say she wants to stay with the girls after school and practice, and boom...there is a practice scheduled that everyone MUST be at, or they lose their spot on the field. This girl has already caused us a bunch of issues, but DH has done nothing. I've told him multiple times that he needs to call or email the band director and get to the bottom of things, because this program needs to be organized with an adult, with advance planning for practices, etc. I'm tired of being told I have to drop what I'm doing because some little girl says that this has to happen here, and that has to happen there. We also had to cancel plans this past Saturday, because the girl and her mother decided to have an all day bake sale, and all the girls in color guard had to be their, or lose their spot. I'm so tired of manipulative teenagers!

This is my one night that I do my own thing, and these days, I really need it. With my son being a senior and being on varsity football, Monday night is taken up by Project Graduation meetings, Tuesday I have to do my laundry, Wednesday is the night we parents do a dinner for all of the varsity football players and make decorations for the moms who work up at the school to put on the guys' lockers, and Friday is game night. Thursday nights I go to the gym for some ME time. DH has no obligations at this point when it comes to school activities, except the Friday night games, and he just sits there when I do laundry. We had a huge argument a couple of weeks ago when I flat out told him he needs to do the things that relate to SD14, as my plate is already full with my son. When SD14 texted me, I immediately texted him. He has to go get her...I'm not cancelling my plans!

oldone's picture

Not your kid, not your problem. Inform your DH that you are not the nanny and SD's personal assistant.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh, that's what it has come to, but I often get in trouble for that, too. When she texted me yesterday about the afterschool thing, I called DH and told him I couldn't do it as it was my gym night, and he said he would figure it out and get her picked up. When I got home from the gym, I found out the "practice" wasn't really a practice after all...the TEENAGER in charge of the color guard wanted to meet to talk about what to do for pep rally today. The band director (who is supposed to be over the color guard, I mean, SD14 actually has to go to band period because of color guard) never even knew about the meeting...this was something the little girl decided herself after telling her mom to come pick her up later. So, yeah, no adult in the school knew this little meeting was going on...huge problem for me as a parent (even disengaged). I told DH he really needed to say something to the band director, and make it plenty clear that if notice of practices and meetings do not come directly from the band director, SD14 will not attend, as he should not be allowing SD14 to be up at the school without any school administrator knowing she is there and knowing why.

And right now, I'm really trying to hold back...I really am. This disengaging stuff can be a problem sometimes. One of my biggest problem is that SD14 is a total slob, and DH does nothing about it. Every day, I go past the hall bathroom and close the door...it is too disgusting for words in there right now. She is the only one that uses it, as my son has his own bathroom off of his bedroom. Let's just say I can't invite anyone over to my house, and if someone does happen to pop by, I have to tell them to go into my master bathroom if they need to. This hallway bathroom is not just hers, and she has been told this, but she trashes it to the point no one else can use it. Right now, the toilet is disgusting, the sink is black, there are disposable face cloths all over the place, dirty clothes all over the floor, etc. If I had to sit on the toilet in there, I think I would have to take a shower afterwards I would feel so dirty!

And that isn't all...Wednesday night I had to do the football dinner, and last night was my gym night. This morning I go into the TV room, and on the side of the couch that SD14 sits, there is a 2-day old half drunk cup of milk, a dirty spoon, candy wrappers, and a dirty plate. Why didn't DH tell her to pick her crap up? I'm just waiting for her to blame my son when she is told to pick it up, because that is her staple response...only problem, my son was with me on Wednesday night and went to bed after he got home (he stayed a little bit longer to play video games with his teammate), and he worked last night until 11:00 p.m., and again went right to bed when he got home. I'm so tempted to pick the crap in the TV room up, but then I have to keep reminding myself that I'm disengaged, and that DH either needs to tell SD14 to clean up after herself, or pick up after her himself. I'm not doing it!