Meeting SD13's Therapist Tomorrow
SD13 said she wanted to be a boy at the start of the school year. DH and I took her to get boy clothes last fall. SD13 behaved like a little bitch the two times I went and helped to shop, so I haven't gone since November. DH takes her to buy boys clothes now, all the way down to the same boy underwear that DH wears. SD13 is a very late bloomer at 13.5, started her cycles a year ago and also has regressed terribly since hitting puberty. If you don't know my back story, there is plenty in my bookmarks.
I picked out the therapist for OSD19 when BM died two years ago. At my urging, DH set up appts with the same therapist last fall after SD13 said she wanted to be a boy. She went to about 3 or 4 sessions in August and September. The therapist said SD13 was done grieving for her BM and that she was still "very much a girl." Whatever.
SD13 went to another session at the end of March after not going over the winter and holidays. At that time, the therapist asked that I come to the next session. It's tomorrow. I am going to speak up abut DH's lack of parenting and boundaries which have led SD13 to be very confused. I am going to speak up about SD13 acting like a 7yo and regressing, and also about her hygiene. I'm also going to let her know that there is a huge problem with OSD19 coming home with that damn hedgehog in a matter of weeks, when she returns from college. I'm also going to say that I think SD13 declaring that she wants to be a boy is a coping mechanism to help her deal with BM's death. SD13 showed no emotion, and did not grieve her BM's passing when she was 11-1/2 years old. DH has made sure that SD13 is relatively happy, but I think the real problem has yet to be revealed.
I believe that since the onset of puberty when SD13 started getting breasts last summer, she has been afraid of dying of breast cancer. Just like BM did. Being a boy helps her escape this reality. Boys don't get breasts like girls do. This little "boy" is different, he's not the little girl who's BM died of breast cancer. I have this feeling that tomorrow will be very emotional for me and I won't be going to many more sessions with SD13. I care about this skid, but I can't care and do more than DH is doing, with his head buried in the sand.
I had picked out my own therapist and was supposed to start sessions about 10 days ago but there was a family emergency, out of state. He should be back next week and I will meet him then. I hope to get a few sessions in before OSD19 lands at my home for six weeks.
Just blogging my thoughts because this is all going to rear it's ugly head soon with OSD19. These skids aren't going to change, and even if DH woke up, I still don't think it would be enough to see a change. I keep dreaming of my own place a year from now. Or just going back to my rental without my dogs, but I don't want to leave them. I have started a game plan, but it may take months for it all to work out.
I will make sure everything is in place and that I am good and ready. My friend and I were talking today, and we spoke about the Bible. God first, then spouse, then children, then everything else. I still respect my husband and love him very much. But I just don't think he's going to change. When the time is right I will take my dogs and go. My best friend is a realtor so she can help guide me if I decide to buy a new home. OSD19 is enough, but even if she launches soon, I can't see myself with YSD13 for close to ten more years.