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Ex wife hasn’t asked to meet me or always has an excuse

Mrs new wife's picture

My husband has been divorced for 12 years. He has had custody of his son for the last 8. Since we started dating she has been move involved and requested time be split 50-50. We have been married and living together for over a year. And my husband has asked her multiple times when we go to drop his son off to her house to come out to meet me. She just says she is busy or won't be gone and she will hVe to meet me another time. My husband has stopped asking. But I find it strange this woman does not want to meet the person who stayed home with her kid all Covid stay at home school, and lives with him. She continues to co parent with my husband texting him weekly. We have a child together 7 months old and another one the way. 


is this normal for e ex wife to not want to meet me? Or always have a reason not to? I'm I reading into this too much? Her mother (my husbands ex mother in law) has been more eager to meet me than she. And she lives with her daughter and new husband and family. 

what should I do? Or just leave it alone. 

also step son is 16. 


tog redux's picture

Just leave it alone and consider yourself lucky that she isn't harassing you or trying to turn her son against you. 

I've been with DH for almost 12 years and have said no more than a few words to BM in that time.

hereiam's picture

You should do nothing and consider yourself blessed not to have to deal with her.

It may seem weird to you that she does not want to meet someone who is prominent in her son's life, however, your husband has had custody of his son for the last 8 years, so I guess she trusts his judgement in bringing you into their son's life. Plus, your SS is 16 and can speak up for himself if you were mistreating him or whatever.

Besides, what would she really learn just by meeting you? Plenty of serial killers seemed perfectly normal to most people that they encountered.

I've been with my DH for 25 years and have had contact with BM only a handful of times. Fine by me.

Trust us, you aren't missing anything.

ImFreeAtLast's picture

Lol I'm sorry but lol. I find these questions to be hilarious. Stephell has made me hysterical and mental. I find it hilarious that a new wife is all hot and bothered to meet the ex wife. I find it strange.

The BM is under no obligation to meet you and vice versa. Lol.

I've been in StepHell for many, many years. I have never communicated with BM and I'm ecstatic.

Mrs new wife's picture

I don't care to meet her. I'm fine with this just thought it was strange we have tried so many times and she has avoided it. But I'm the one home with her kid all the time. That's all. 

Kes's picture

Many of us on this site are here because the BM in our lives is impossible, and conducts horrific PAS on our stepkids, persuading them that we are awful, vile human beings whom they should hate.  Most of us are more than happy not to ever have to meet these BMs or have anything at all to do with them.  I have never exchanged more than a very few words with NPD BM in 19 yrs. 

Mrs new wife's picture

She still does this just refuses to meet me. When they found out i was pregnant she would tell stepson how I was doing everything wrong, and a terrible mother. Stopped pulling her weight on pick up and drop off leaving it all up to my husband. That Covid isn't a big deal at her house and refuses her son gets the shot. Even though I'm high risk, and pregnant. She has had him push back on anything we try to do at our house that's different from her house. So she does little digs but refuses to meet me. She includes her husband in her discussions with my husband and cco parenting but just ices me out. 
i don't care to meet her anymore. And will not be going to step sons events where she will be. 

Loxy's picture

It would indicate insecurity on the part of BM but whatever the reason, I would take it as a blessing. I live for the day my skids are adults and I no longer have to interact with BM. 

caninelover's picture

Like others have said, please count your blessings that BM doesn't want to meet you.  Thankfully I have no interaction with  BM (Darth Vader).  

Why do you want to know her?

Winterglow's picture

Perhaps BM doesn't see you as her child's stepmother but rather as her ex's new wife. If that's the case, then she won't see the need to meet anyone from the life of a guy she divorced all those years ago...

shamds's picture

Another 8.5. Sd's cut off contact a year before we met. 

i have never met the exwife and frankly never want to. My husband has gone 12+ yrs not seeing her ever and when she's brainwashed the sd's to coax dad to see them at her and her affair husbands home, my husband ignored these messages.

its not important or mandated you meet one another and its frankly just a control thing. Very rarely do ex spouses get along well with one another

lieutenant_dad's picture

When DH and I first started dating and got serious, I thought it was vital that I meet BM and let her size me up. After all, I was going to be around her kids and I didn't want her to feel threatened by me.

Turns out, she was threatened anyway. She hadn't even met or spoken a word to me before she was off bad mouthing who I was and that I was trying to steal her kids from her, etc. I could have been the Pope and she still would have been riled up.

The reality is, parents who are secure with their relationship with their kids AND trust their ex to have their kids' best interest at heart don't need to meet the SP. Sure, they may want to say hi and put a face to a name if they're going to co-parent, but if they don't anticipate co-parenting, there's no need to meet the SP. The SP isn't going to interfere in their life, and if they do, they'll deal with it then.

If a parent is high conflict, then meeting you won't make a difference one way or the other. They'll hate you from the start just because they can. You won't change their mind in that.

Ultimately, meeting the other parent doesn't result in anything magical. A sane parent won't need to meet you because they trust their ex, or they know they can't trust their ex and meeting you won't make any bit of difference so they'll just observe from afar. A crazy one won't need to meet you because they hate you already. All meeting with either kind does is let them see your face.

Rags's picture

I would rather piss on my Skid's SpermIdiot than think about him much less meet him.  I raised SS-29 as my own starting when he was 2yo.

I doubt he thinks any differently about me.   I couldn't care less if he wanted to meet me or not.