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Dentist appt this morning

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

This morning was the dentist appointment that DH finally made for HHB 3 months ago. I'm here keeping my fingers crossed that they don't find anything that needs to be done to HHB's mouth...like cavities. Yes, we have insurance, but you know how that goes...they only cover like 80%, and you know DH will get stuck with that bill because BM has no money! For some reason, the dentist called me yesterday to verify HHB's appointment. I told DH to make sure he verified she was in fact going, and I made it clear AGAIN that I'm not paying for braces for her (remember...he doesn't have the money for it). We had a nice little talk about how everyone has something they don't like about themselves, and if HHB and BM start in about the braces again, they need to be reminded that they are not flagged as a NECESSARY thing by the dentist, but only as a means to get rid of spaces that HHB doesn't like. I pulled up Lauren Hutton and several other models on the computer who have gaps and spaces in their teeth, and told him maybe he should bring them up if HHB starts going on and on about it again. DH chuckled and said, "I'm not about paying for anything for her right now that isn't an absolute necessity!! As long as she keeps getting into the kind of trouble that costs money, she can forget about things like braces to fix some spaces in her teeth!"

The visit should have been over about 30 mintues ago, but I know DH will not call me until after he has dropped off HHB at school. The new law around here is that he has to use a hands-free to make calls, which means that he has to use his car bluetooth, and HHB will be able to hear the whole call...so he will wait. UGH...seriously...anytime DH and HHB are alone, I get nervous. DH is getting better about saying no, but that girl is so damn manipulative! I can promise you she has been laying on the super sweet act all morning!

momof4plus2's picture

My SS BM told he a few months ago he need to start saving for SS braces and he is only 7 hasent even lost all of his baby teeth yet..UGGhh so annoying. Lucky that your DH is good at saying no! wish I could get my SO to that point.

Raggles's picture

luckily we dont have to pay for a dental service here BUT i was gobsmacked to receive a text from SO saying he had contact from BM telling him SD7 was taken to dentist to have a tooth taken out due to toothache!
7and having teeth out!!
If the pair of them parented and ensured she cleaned her teeth then that would be prevented. As far as i know she has had 2fillings as well!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Of course, HHB has 2 cavities, so DH needs to take her back to get them drilled and filled. BM will not pay half, though the court order says she has to. Her stance is that DH isn't paying for half of the trouble, so why should she pay half of the cavities! I knew the girl was going to have cavities! She only spends like 2 seconds brushing, and her breath always smells like ass! Bad thing is, we were just about to have enough for DH to get his work done...and his tooth is getting worse! But no...he has to use that money on her! I told him after he needs to hand a copy of the dental bill to BM will the child support...her half deducted! He won't do it...but he should!

All the more reason to not get her braces! DH said the dentist got on to her about brushing, so maybe it will make a difference. I told him I doubt it! DH has been on her ass about brushing for two years, and she still got cavities! Guess those sealants wore off that BM had put on HHB when she was little.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Considering BM insists on being paid directly instead of through the court, yes, as long as he can document the bill. She has no job, so the child support is the only "income" she has. The court order plainly says both are half responsible for medical and dental costs...Hense the whole arguement in the first place about whether or not braces for HHB were a necessity or simply a "vanity fix". For non essential treatments, Both have to agree to the treatment....that prevents a parent from doing something stupid like getting the kid a nose job and expecting the other parent to just pony up half!

And the dentist re-verified yesterday that braces are simply a cosmetic fix for HHB, and after her exam yesterday, especially agrees that she shouldn't have them right now!

legmel's picture

I agree - I would not even give it a second thought. Deduct it from the CS. If the court order says she is responsible for half she should pay it. Not making her will just set a precedence.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Further information from DH after he got home, HHB needs 2 cavities fixed and 6 teeth sealed. She had sealants put on her permanent teeth when she was younger, but the molars that came in afterward weren't sealed, and that would be 8 teeth instead of 6, right? Knowing our dentists, he doesn't put a sealant on a tooth of someone over 13 unless there is a cavity starting to develop there...he puts the sealant on to prevent further exposure to the elements that feed the cavity. He did this with the only "cavity" BS20 had in his life when he was 13. So that tells me she, in reality, has potentially 8 cavities?

Like I mentioned in a reply above, the dentist advised AGAINST braces at this time. This is due to the fact that they are only needed for cosmetic reasons (NOT REQUIRED), and seeing as HHB is doing such a crappy job with her hygiene, putting braces on now would only make HHB's current dental issues worse. The dentist also got on to HHB about her dental hygiene.

See, I don't get this. BM had sealants put on HHB years ago because she (BM) was too lazy to make HHB brush her teeth regularly. NEITHER of my bios had sealants (never being outside of the ONE tooth BS20 had sealed for an emerging cavity)! They were proposed at one point, but I told the dentist I had at the time that I thought it more important to simply teach my kids to brush their teeth! I never had sealants, and I'm in my 40's without ever having a cavity! BD23 hasn't had cavities, and BS20 only had the one (and he got yelled at so bad for that, he got in gear with brushing and flossing). I can confirm that DH did tell HHB nearly daily to brush her teeth, because he would notice her breath smelled like ass (or I would tell him, because if I told her directly her breath stunk, well, I was just trying to be mean to her). Now, he didn't stand there and watch her brush, meaning she more than likely put some toothpaste on her brush, swished it around her mouth for about 2 seconds, and then claimed done. Of course, one doesn't expect that with a 15-year-old you have to stand there and watch them brush like you would do a 3 year old, but I guess with this girl, that is required!

Rags's picture

Dental care can be one of those feast of famine kind of things. I had not had a cavity in more than 30 years when over a Thanks Giving trip last November I had a decidedly uncomfortable tooth that I noticed had turned black in just a few days. I am a 2X per day +/- brusher and flosser so the degradation of my tooth was quit rapid. When we got home I immediately went for an emergency dental appointment. The Doc found that a very old filling had developed decay under it. The next week I went for him to remove the old filling, clean up the decay, and replace the filling. The tooth has intermittently been very painful since. The Doc indicated that the decay was bad enough that he had to get very close to the pulp space and if he breached the space I would need a root canal eventually. I have to diligently use my night guard or the tooth kills me the next AM.

I had my teeth sealed, all of them, this time due to sensitivity.

Good luck and I hope this does not end up costing you a bunch of money.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

I'm hoping it doesn't cost a crap load. Even with insurance, we are responsible for 20%, with BM to be legally responsible for half of that. DH insists they said they are only small cavities that can be drilled and filled...no crowns needed. Only reason DH is primary involved in this one is that he made the appointment when HHB still lived with us. DH couldn't get the estimate yesterday, because the computers were down, and they had to pull the coverage. It really sucks for DH, because yet again, he has to put something of HHB's above his teeth. DH had some bad crowns and fillings, that have been falling apart the last several years. He currently needs about $1000 worth of work to fix the last of those spots. We have been only able to do so much per year, because as you know, you can max out on dental (they only cover up to a certain amount, and then 100% is on you). We were planning on getting him in for this last bit of work, but now...the money we put aside for our portion of DH's work is going to have to be spent on HHB...because she can't be bothered to brush her teeth! And yes, it IS because she doesn't brush! DH said the hygienist reported to him that HHB's cleaning was really bad...lots and lots of tarter. She only sees that much on someone who doesn't brush regularly...and though HHB claimed to have brushed her teeth before she went there, the hygienist said it was obvious that she either didn't brush well or at all (you can't hide that from someone with their face in your mouth). DH's tooth that needs work is on the verge of falling apart...they found a hairline crack in the tooth yesterday, and the filing is all but gone. Hopefully, we will get some sort of tax refund back this year, and DH can go in and get that taken care of, and be done with his teeth outside of cleanings. Of course, that is if HHB doesn't do anything else stupid that requires that money to be spent on her in some manner. Bad thing is, I was hoping to put any tax refund money aside so that I could schedule BS20 to get his wisdom teeth removed at the beginning of the summer, so he would have healing time before 2-a-days started. You know a broke college kid can't pay for that himself! His wisdom teeth are coming in like mine did...forward.

Rags's picture

I completely understand the challenge of maintaining dental health on the type of dental policies that most US employers offer. $1500 per year can go pretty quick if you have any work done and many dental offices want twice a year cleanings which can eat up most of your annual coverage. I adopted a don't replace old filling philosophy when I noticed that my dentist was more focused on consuming my annual coverage amount than actually doing value added dental work on me. So now if an old filling is not falling out I do not let them replace it with a new bonded filling. I also quit getting twice yearly cleanings and now only get a cleaning once ever 2-4 years. When I had my recent work done I also got a cleaning. The hygienist accused me of having a cleaning in the last few months. Nope, I just brush and floss regularly and actually use a plastic dental pick after lunch during the work day. She told me not to come back for a cleaning for at least a year maybe two.

So farm my don't fix what ain't broke dental strategy as been fine. This latest and rare issue I have had was all under a filling that was not cracked or disintegrating.

Fortunately we currently have two policies. An international policy that covers us when we are not in our country of residence which included a standard US dental policy and a comprehensive policy that covers us when we are in our region of residence. That covers us 100% with no limit for med, Rx, or dental. We are comfortable with the docs here so we try to make sure that we get everything done here rather than in the states. That preserves that limited coverage for emergency dental work if we are home on vacation.

Maybe the way to go is to get DH's done and work out a payment plan on HHB's work so you can preserve your tax return for DS's wisdom teeth. You can also ask if there is some lower cost temporary fix that will get SD to adulthood and out from under your and DH's dime.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oh...trust me...HHB will be getting the least expensive option! Sounds like the dentist feels the cavities can just be cleaned/drilled out and filled. The sealants are most likely going on "sticky" areas that are showing signs that cavities are starting. BS20 had a spot like that, and they put on a sealant. He's had no more issue with that tooth...that was when he was 13. I got on his case so bad for that, he started keeping a toothbrush and toothpaste in his gym locker, in case he ran out of the house in the morning and forgot to brush. He also stared brushing after lunch.

It simply amazes me how lazy HHBis about hygiene! You would think kids at school would be saying something to her.