I don't know how to begin helping his children..
If going back to every other weekend doesnt ever work, does anyone have any advice for parenting these skids I have? This will be a long post going into more detail regarding all skids.
SD12- She constantly lies, like she can't even help it. She lies about things that don't even matter so I don't even have much interest in conversation with her because I don't believe anything she says. Also last summer she decided to experiment with another little girl (in her moms care) and then later lied to me and DH saying that little girl molested her. DH and I spent hours with case workers and the police to save her because she also tied in all this bs about how BM treats her like shit and ect. Turns out she lied about the whole thing and made me and DH look like idiots to BM. The whole experimental thing makes me concernd about our daughter 4 so now she has to sleep in our room when SD is at our house. SD has two half sisters at home with BM and theyre pretty messed up, high school drop out and the other is 16 dating a 23 year old. BM doesnt care what any of them do. She also keeps coming to our house with lice. I literally have to treat it and wash all bedding everytime they come, I told BM and she claimed to treat it, but obviously not.. So no matter how we ground SD it doesnt matter, she gets to run back to moms house and do whatever she wants.
SS15 still wets the bed. When i took him into the doctor they referred me to a couple places (one for when he broke his hip when he was 8, one for his diet because hes obese, and last for the bed wetting) they ended up calling BM instead and she took him to each place maybe once and never returned. He constantly wets the bed which is a thing in itself but HIDES his pee soaked clothes and then doesnt shower. So his room smells awful and so does he 90% of the time. Making my house smell bad. Same issue with grounding, doesnt matter he gets to to go back to BM and have no rules. He also has about 0 common sense and constantly breaks things.
SS11 hes definitely the best behaved, but if he makes a mistake he instantly cries and its honestly just annoying. He also is up DH's butt every chance he gets.
They are almost constantly sick and with BS coming any day now that really freaks me out. I'm so scared my kids are going to pick up on this trash behavior. My children will be raised a lot better. I dont know what to do anymore. When K complain about skids DH gets mad and says I just hate his kids and love to complain about them.. I'm truly losing my sanity. Ive told DH to get help for SD11 and he never does.
On the lying. Don't ask her
On the lying. Don't ask her any questions. She can't lie if you don't ask. Rather than ask.... make her show you. Show me. XYZLMNOP minimizes lying.
On the bed wetting. Daily or even more frequent bathing, clothes washing, bedding washing. Day in, day out without fail. And he does it all. And depends, publically. He owns zero under clothes and gets depends only. On the weight.... no carbs, no seconds, he eats a very controlled menu and that is all. Period.
On the crying. "What are you crying about? Knock it off or get over here, bend over and you will get a belt the butt which will give you somehting to cry about."
Lather, rinse, repeat.
You can't help his kids, if
You can't help his kids, if neither one of their parents care enough to help them. Very sad for them.
Maybe concentrate on YOUR
Maybe concentrate on YOUR kids? And yourself? Your relationships? At least for now.
OP you wrote;
the other is 16 dating a 23 year old.
There is something you can do...report this!!
What state are you in?
It's not your job, role, or
It's not your job, role, or responsibility to help or raise these skids.
In fact, you're contributing to the dysfunction by inserting yourself into this. These kids already have two parents, and you are interfering by depriving your H of his parenting responsibilities.
Your role is to support your H in his parenting, not do it for him. And if he chooses not to do right by his kids, nothing you do can change the ultimate outcome. They were all broken before you even happened on the scene of the train wreck.
The issue you should be examining is how to protect your own bio(s) and prevent him/her being harmed by one of these skids or the environment. Do you really think your child is immune? One of your skids is already showing signs of sexual deviance. Get the heck out of there!
I dont think divorcing over
I dont think divorcing over his children is the advice I'm looking for. I keep BD4 with me 24/7 when skids come around.
I don't think she meant to
I don't think she meant to come off as rude.
I have said to others and I am going to give you the same advice and maybe help clarify what she is trying to convey:
Nothing changes if nothing changes.
If your husband and BM do nothing to help their children, their issues will NEVER resolve, the issues will likely get worse and more and more issues will likely pop up.
You can not help because you can't bring them to a medical or mental health professional. You can't even disuss the issues with your husband because all he spouts off with is "you hate my kid(s)".
The ONLY thing you can do is protect your child/children and hope like hell they don't pick up on the problematic behaviors. There is one child showing signs of sexual issues, which concerns you greatly, as it should!
It is not acceptable, or plausable to keep your child with you, in your direct eye sight at all times 24/7 when skids are there. What about when you have to shower/go to the bathroom/sleep/live NORMAL? At some point, likely soon, your child is going to notice how very different things are when skids are there. They are going to notice that you are acting different. They are going to notice skid behavior is different than what they are allowed and, being honest, what is considered "normal". Exactly how do you plan to explain that to your child/children?
Do you really want your child to live like that? Do YOU really want to live like that? Why should you and your kids go through life like that? Because "you hate my kids" and all of their issues must be ignored? Not ONE of the three are "normal" and neither parent is willing to... well, parent.
So, nothing is going to change if nothing changes. Are you ready to put up with, and have your children put up with that? Do you honestly think skids will just be gone when they are 18? How long are you going to live and have your kids live like this?
You need to impress on your husband, that if he is not willing to address the GLARINGLY OBVIOUS ISSUES you will HAVE NO CHOICE but to protect yourself and child at all cost, even if that means you must divorce. You MUST protect your child - it is your #1 job as a parent and IS more important than your marriage. It is YOUR HUSBAND'S inaction and failure to protect your shared child that could cause the demise of your marriage - NOT you "quitting".
If you can't make your husband realize parenting his kids is important you MUST do what you have to protect your child and yourself!