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Why am I so bothered by skids???

Ale1519's picture

Skids always want to be with their dad. SS11 the most. No matter where we go he begs to come. Everything DH does hes right next to him. When DH is watching videos on his phone SS is in his face watching too. He never goes to his room. He always sits basically on top of DH on the couch. Wherever DH goes SS goes too. SS even participates in things he doesnt like to be with his dad. I feel like I dont even have a husband when SS is around. DH doesnt seem to be annoyed this at all. All kids are guilty on not going to their rooms. They basically live in the living room until we go to sleep. This has been like this since I met DH. Am I allowed to be this annoyed? I feel like such a step monster but when SS is around I dont get a minute of time with DH.

Thisisnotus's picture

Yes, you are allowed to be annoyed b/c it is NOT normal. This doesn't happen in non blended families from all accounts I have ever seen. My SD 11 is literally the same way.....to the point where in order to use the restroom DH has to shut the door on her and lock it while she stands outside the door waiting. We cannot go anywhere (and we have 6 kids between us, SD 11 being the youngest besides our shared baby) that SD11 doesn't hold DH's hand. She will not leave his side for any reason at all.

Thank you sweet baby jesus that he finally starting telling her to go do something else and he will at times get stern if she doesn't do it. I thought it was all cute at first but she isn't a 7 year old girl anymore....middle school girls have no business sitting or climbing all over their fathers. Gross.

I would either address or just leave the house when SS is there. I didn't have the nerve to talk to my DH about it....so I just started disengaging from SD11 or just making other plans or staying in my room......I think the got the picture.

Oh and she would also INTERUPT every single conversation we ever had and DH would not care.....again thankfully he now corrects her when she butts in the middle of our conversation, but she still will walk over and stand between us when we are talking. I think she has  mental issues but that isn't for me to worry about.

 

flmomma08's picture

Oh my. That is a little old to still be doing that but from what I have read, its normal for skids. My SD is 11 and she used to be like this when she was younger but now she doesn't want anything to do with us.

Your feelings are totally normal though. Its funny because I will tell my BD to leave me alone and go play but god forbid I say the exact same thing to my SD. Its no wonder they act this way when they can't be treated like a normal kid without you being a stepmonster.

Ale1519's picture

Omg yes, if BD4 is being annoying ill tell her to play in her room, but hell would freeze over if i told SS to go away lol

Cbarton12's picture

Yeah I dont get what it is about Skids and being stage 5 clingers. 

Non-blended families definitely don't have this issue. I was never like that. I'm an only child but I played by myself etc. SD can't be asked to do anything alone. She's always complaining about being bored. She always wants to sit in the middle etc.

Ale1519's picture

As a kid I loved to play in my room. We literally took the tv out of our living room to renovate and they STILL just sit out here for hours. They have tvs, xboxes, toys ect in their rooms... so frustrated.

Love_and_Loathing's picture

My favorite phrase at home is “Figure it out” and then I usher all children away from me 

Thisisnotus's picture

Yes! The non stop complaining about being bored. All the other kids are upstairs hanging out or playing video games....kids have the whole second floor sort of apartment style and she will not ever go upstairs.

sometimes my dh needs a break from her and goes in our room to lay down but she is then knocking on the door and within a minute she’s in there laying beside him.

BM has made her afraid to be here so it’s not easy for us. My skids got screamed at by BM for calling our house “home”.

momjeans's picture

Yes, you’re entitled to be annoyed, because your situation sounds VERY child-centered. 

Are you the only one that ‘sees’ this? If so, you’ve got to set aside time to address this with your DH before it destroys your marriage. 

Ale1519's picture

DH is overly protective over SS11. He IS the best behaved. Good grades, listens when when he's asked to do something. Helps withour hesitation. His only flaw is being ridiculously clingy to DH. DH has never complained so I'm sure he doesnt see an issue and honestly idk how to bring it up without starting a fight.

momjeans's picture

So, DH is unaware that you are starting to feel like you don’t have a husband when SS is around? He senses nothing from you?

Maybe that’s because he’s hyper focused on all things SS when he’s around? 

And are you saying that he’ll most likely get defensive if you open up dialogue about it? 

Ugh. This sounds depressing. Seriously. By the sound of things - everything is a blur and background noise when SS is present. 

 

MommyT's picture

SS is clingy but more with me than DH. He always wants to cook with me and asks me what he can do to help. Sounds great right? Not when he is around all the time. When he does this, I just give him a chore to do. This has helped to keep him busy and out of my hair. He realizes that every time he just hangs around, I give him a chore to do, so he is getting better at finding something to do.

shamds's picture

Avoiding contact unless they get a financial benefit from daddeeee or ss locking himself in bedroom all day and night. His dad as of 3-4 months ago really drilled into him that he couldn’t lock himself in his bedroom to the point he hallucinated things.. but thats pas for you

Empress1277's picture

my two SDs ages 8 and 11 are incredibly clingy. The 11 year old the most. We have them 50% of the time, so by the time they need to return to their mother I am super ready for them to leave. We recently bought a new house. The new neighborhood has several children around the ages of the skids. It’s taken several months, but now the skids have made some friends here and the clinging has improved a little. I had a conversation with SO about this clingy behavior as I really do not feel that it is healthy (children need to socialize and develop independence), he now encourages the girls to go play with the neighborhood children. Before they had made friends, the girls were just SUFFOCATING! I’m hoping there will be continued improvements though.