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She will say the opposite of what DH wants no matter what it is

Biostep7777's picture

DH told HCBM that he wants their almost 15 year old vaccinated. She snapped back right away with "No, it's not safe. I will let you know when and if I decide to do it" ummmm they have joint legal custody. She will let him know when she decides? Ugh! 
SS is also in marching band and the band director asked them to get the vaccine ASAP! Now she's saying no?? If DH said "I don't want him to have it" she would have said "So, you want our son to die??!!" 
LOL!! I swear she just says the opposite of whatever he wants just the have control. 

tog redux's picture

Yep, she's desperate to maintain control. He's said his piece, now let it go. He'll end up getting it because of Marching Band.

Honestly, this is one good reason why he shouldn't even say these things to her - or say it as "do you plan to get him vaccinated?"  I know he has joint custody, but giving her the illusion of control can't hurt.

Biostep7777's picture

Good idea! It's worth a try. Although, she already knows how he feels about it since again, the kids tell her every move we  make and my kids told them they are getting vaccinated. 

tog redux's picture

Sure, but if he approaches it with her as if it's her choice for their kids, then she is less likely to react. As much as I am pro-vaccine, this isn't a battle worth having. 

Biostep7777's picture

True! Lol! Good point. I guess we just do this weird thing of putting the kids first instead of being bitter and manipulative. Silly us!! Lol! 

tog redux's picture

If I could go back, I'd have DH just let her have control over some things instead of fighting all the time to have equal input. The truth is that in many marriages still, men leave a lot of that to the mother, so it's not the end of the world to do it with a control freak after divorce. 

Biostep7777's picture

He's not going to fight it. It was just a conversation that was needed as this age group opened and the band director requested that they get vaccined. She wants to say no? Well...not much we can do. 
Although he says no to something? It's a 3 day endless battle with her writing a novel about how awful she thinks he is for saying no to a 3rd activity that cost $2000. "Why would you want to deny your son this opportunity? Why don't you support them in their dreams? This is because you put your other family first, it's just a fun little activity and he wants to do it. It's embarrassing that you won't just say yes" LOL!!! 

tog redux's picture

Yes. DH says when they were married, if he said no to something, BM used to argue and argue and argue, for literal hours, until he would rather die than say one more word.  That's how they get their way. That's why you have to ignore that crap.

CastleJJ's picture

Our BM has sole legal but acts this exact same way. You inquire about something, anything, and she makes it clear that she calls the shots. But then she will email DH "asking" his opinion, even though his response won't change anything, which is really just her way of reiterating that she calls the shots. You act disinterested or don't question anything and BM is mad that you "don't care." You are damned if you do and damned if you don't. So, the answer is, you simply don't. We gave up trying to get involved with anything BM does a long time ago. 

tog redux's picture

Exactly - she just wants to look like she's "co-parenting". BM here's idea of "co-parenting" was to send a "weekly update" about all she had done and was planning to do. When DH told her he didn't want her damn weekly update, she accused him of not being willing to co-parent, after all, she was trying to include him (notifying him of all the decisions she had already made without him).

These women CANNOT share a child with someone. In their mind, the child is theirs, and the father has a relationship with the child at their discretion.

CastleJJ's picture

LOL We used to get the weekly email update too of all the things BM did or was doing for SS. DH always had the reaction of "Do you want a cookie for doing your job as SS' parent? Is that why you're telling me?" He always ignored these emails. 

BM always wanted praise for doing what parents do every frickin day. And because DH had limited visitation, BM loved to throw out the "I do so much for SS" card while ending with "Maybe you'll understand someday if you and JJCastle have kids," like it was so unfathomable that DH could understand all her effort.

Rags's picture

Dad needs to just schedule it on his time and get it done.  Maybe the J&J single dose option so she cannot interfere in a second dose regimen.

I did the Pfizer.  First dose in early Feb, second dose in early March.  Zero side effects after the first phase.  My arm got a little sore after the second phase and for about two days I had a drop in energy and a bit of malaise but did not feel sick at all.

DW also had the Pfizer. No side effects at all except for a sore arm after the second phase.

My brother had the Pfizer as well.  He got super sick about a week after the first phase but it is not likely that his intestinal issues and severe dehydration was related to the vaccine.

Both of my parents had the Pfizer as well .No issues for either of them.

My kid, had the shot. A two phase version. But... has no clue which one he was given.  They told him.  He didn't pay attention.