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I cant deal with my girlfriends sons behavior... is this normal or no??

979369's picture

When i initally met my girlfriend, 9 almost 10 months ago, one of the first things she told me is she has a son. That was usually a dealbreaker for me because i dont have children but there was too much spark between us and so much in common (rare for me) that i decided to just give this a try anyway. I figured the love between us would trump any obstacle... but this one seems like it might not and i dont know what to do. A little background info... so she is a single mother of an 11 year old... father has never been in the picture until a couple months after her and i met. Her sons father lives in florida. Her and i met, hung out for about two months.. and then her son went to visit his dad for close to two months... so her and i got really close during that time period. Things got pretty serious during that time and so we decided when her son came home, it was time i meet him. I was very upfront about never having any experience dating someone with a child and she assured me "everything will be okay.. just pay him attention and interact with him and he will love you, hes so mature for his age you will be shocked!"..... After hearing her tell me that time and time again my anxiety faded. Well that couldnt of been further from the truth. He is constantly screamin "mom" over and over and over while we are home... he acts up in public every single time we go out - either its a tantrum or he is highly hyper doing extremely inappropriate things like taking things off shelves and throwing them in the air or at his mom... he cannot do a SINGLE thing by himself - dress himself, get towel for the shower, make a bowl of cereal... ANYTHING. He is constantly demanding her to do things for him that he can clearly do on his own. I have been with him times where shes been at work and have watched him grab his own clothes and towel. These are just examples but i think you guys get the idea. He doesnt want to sleep in his room, he jumps in bed with us every chance he gets. Any alone time we try to have is interrupted by "mom... MOM!! Im STARVING MAKE ME SOMETHING TO EAT!". She or I makes him something. He doesnt eat it. Its clearly a way to get attention, or something, i dont even know. He has broken two tv's by throwing controllers at them. Broken numerous things in the house with a basketball that she's repeatedly told him not to play with in the house. Its constant screamin from her, screamin from him, and just flat out disrespect. He pee's all over the seat and doesn't flush, doesnt clean up after himself, and just expects us to clean everything for him. I am a welder, my job is pretty rough and i love to relax on the weekends but i now get absolutely zero peace. She used to be my comfort, my best friend, my happy place... and now i truly feel this is tearing us apart because i am so unhappy with this situation. Not her, but the situation. Ive had talks with her and she says she will start doing this or that to improve his behavior but she does none of what she says. The behavior continues. She wants me to move in from my apartment but i cant if things will continue to be this way. I feel like ive spoke with her so much about this and nothing has changed. I really dont want to leave someone that i feel like i have been waiting my entire life for over this but i do not know what to do. Ive suggested living seperate, and it upsets her but i am serious. I dont want it to be like that though. I want us to be a family and be happy together. I expect some issues and arguments and not so happy days, thats life.... but this is an EVERY SINGLE DAY thing. He is visiting his dad for a week on xmas break and she is staying here for the week... and im gonna have another talk with her because i feel like im at the end of my rope but i do not wanna break up. I also would like advice on how to approach it but make sure she knows how serious i am about this changing. This is a such a hard situation im in and any advice would be so helpful. I dont know what to do here....

Sparkl3s's picture

Don't move in until she shows you at least a consistent year of actually being a parent. 
 

I would have NEVER dated my husband if he was a shit dad. Being a single mom is no excuse to allow an 11 year old to walk all over her, her son behaves like that because she has allowed it. Good luck! 

tog redux's picture

Yes, this. I don't know why people move in and/or marry when they know the SO is a terrible parent.

OP - let this woman go, she's not likely to change. If she had an issue with her child's behavior, she'd fix it herself. She doesn't have an issue with it- she told you as much before you met the kid. She thinks he's awesome no matter how he behaves - she wants to be his pal, not his parent.

Find a woman with no kids, or one who parents effectively. 

Bex_S's picture

No that's not normal for a child of that age. That is classic behaviour of a coddled, spoiled child. Your GF needs to get a handle on it because it will get a whole lot worse once he hits puberty and hormones are thrown in the mix.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Ive suggested living seperate, and it upsets her but i am serious.

Well, boo hoo. She's a lousy parent and her kid is spoiled rotten. She may very well be looking for a live-in Daddeee for her kid. DON'T MOVE IN and please be sure to use condoms.

Anonyn49's picture

Whether or not it is "normal" matters less than whether or not you can tolerate it for the rest of your life. It sounds like not. 

The only person in this situation you can change is you. It does not sound like a relationship that will survive long-term. I am so sorry.