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Scheduling thoughts

Cxmacx's picture

what are your thoughts about allowing the ex to just ask for the child whenever and not adhearing to the schedule?


she is supposed to have her Monday’s and Tuesday but doesn’t reach out to want her until Wednesday and it is told okay. I don’t think it should be that way and stick to the scheduled days but DH doesn’t see a problem with it if he allows her to take DD when she asks if there aren’t any plans.


should the schedule be followed 100% unless something comes up and it is planned or is it okay to let her reach out whenever?

Maxwell09's picture

It depends on the relationship the BM has with y'all. In the beginning we would give BM anytime she needed SS but she would not reciprocate so we decided to follow the Custody Order. So now uses that as her standby to withold SS from family events/weddings/funerals/etc. She leaves him with sitters instead of calling DH and we are always the last to know when she's planning anything (like not telling us shes moving until she's already picked up SS and bringing him to the new place)

On the flip side, BM has another kid. She has custody and all control as there is no custody order and she blackmails the father to pay cash each month. The dad works out of town and even when he is in town, getting his kid isn't his top priority so its ironic that BM is pushing that kid out the door, calling that father's girlfriend to come pick up the kid mutliple times a week and making sure she doesn't get stuck with him for his weekends. 

It's obvious BM likes the fight and being the one who has the control. DH is primary and she will never let that go. Think about the BM you deal with? What is YOUR goal? Do you want the kid more or do you want BM to stand up and be a parent? What does BM want? In our case, BM wants control-not to be the actual parent and she equates getting what she wants from them to child access. 

Rags's picture

NO! is a full sentence.  The schedule is the schedule for a reason.  If BM doesn't take her days... there is no make up unless you and DH agree. 

We had this out with the SpermClan in court.  They were of the mind that if they didn't take scheduled visitation that they could add it to a later visitation.  We shut that crap down pronto.  They failed to return the Skid on time from visitation on a few occassions and we had to have the kid collected my my FIL with Police or Sheriff escort so that my FIL could put the kid on the plane back home to us.  We had the kid collected in the SpermClan's church, we had him collected at a SpermClan family reuniion, we had him collected at SpermGrandHag's house so her neighbors could gossip, we had the police go to SpermGrandHag's work to question her as to the Skid's whereabouts, and we had the collected at SpermClan family dinners from restaurants.  Not hard to do when your DW's BFF is the daughter of the Police Chief who became the Sherrif after he retired from the PD.  BFF's father detests the SpermIdiot and was happy to help.  Diablo

Ultimately the resolution was smacking the SpermClan around in court over the issue.

1wonder woman's picture

The one thing kids need is a schedule and they need the parents to follow it. Why make a schedule if the parents are not going to follow it. Trust me if this continues later on when the kids get older and the kids see the parents not following the schedule the kids will back out of coming to visit the other parent.

My parents were divorced when I was 7 and I gotta say they did things right! They made the schedule and they stuck to it! This made it easier on us all! Just like the court order... the first thing my parents did was sit us kids down and they told us see this... this is a court order we all are to obey this court order we have no choice in the matter. My parents told us if you back out of visiting your mom or dad the police could be called and we were told our parents could be put behind bars for contempt of court. So there was no breaking the court or or schedule... kids need structure, rules and a schedule. Most of all they need parents setting good examples for their children.