Parenting by example
DH was pissed this morning about something DS did. He came to me and said look DS does this thing all the time. I stood there stoically for a while. Then I said that DS isn’t the only one who does the thing. It is the truth. DH is upset that I’m defending DS (I didn’t, just said he isn’t the only one) and upset that I mean it could be DH who does it, too.
This is how DH parents and handles himself. It’s not his or his offsprings fault. There’s always some reason it was okay to do the thing. And I should buy it and think everything is okay. I shouldn’t be upset by the thing or frustrated DH defends it
But if I parent the same way, nope, no reasons or excuses allowed and he’s frustrated with me.
Aren’t double standards great?!
P.S. He has told me that I should parent like he does, things would be easier on everyone. Doesn’t seem to be working for him.
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Lol I would have responded
Lol I would have responded back "Well if I parented the way you do, then all the kids would be living in a van down by the river!"
Bah, ha, ha!
I love that skit!
Bwahahahaha. I crack up at
Bwahahahaha. I crack up at parents who think their way is the best even when it's not working.
My SDs are fairly well behaved. They're not the best, but they're far from the worst. Interestingly, I'm the one they behave the best with. I'm the one who is never disrespected. Why is that? Because I'm the one who gives them consequences. And guess what? They still love me and want to be with me. Meanwhile, they'll disrespect their parents (DH and BM), act rudely, require 17 warnings from them. I say it once and they comply. I point this out to DH and he still doesn't want to be "mean." "Mean" seems to be a code word for "proper parenting."
I said that to DH once
He was frustrated by something with a skid and nothing seemed to change. I made the comment that perhaps since his approach hasn’t been working that changing his approach might change the result.
(You know, the definition of insanity thing.)
Mean
Mean
Say what you mean
Mean what you say
Don't be mean when you say it.
I can mail you a boot if you
I can mail you a boot if you’d like, a nice steel-toed one. As long as you promise to strap it on & kick him swiftly with it!
When my husband refuses to address serious issues
with skids affecting me and our kids, i remind hubby his eldestb3 are so effed up that they will never become productive and normal members of society and over my dead body he will eff up our 2.
I remind him its a bloody miracle that i’ve managed to raise 2 sane kids with positive behaviours and nothing like skids. That shuts him up. But my hubby is in major denial... his head is buried in the sand to be honest and his sisters have come to me to voice concerns about hubby and the skids.
They actually are disappointed and appalled at 3 skids because they’re all replicas of hcgubm/narcissistic/manipulative/gaslighting others and pas to the max.. what do you expect they were brought up in a dysfunctional family
Thankfully
My skids are decent skids so the issues are not as huge as others have seen in their step life.
I have to wonder though-
I have to wonder though- reminding a parent how horrible their kids are/will be/remain -you know that is actually extremelly hurtful to the parent as well right? I get a lot of times it's a lack of parenting-othertimes it is just faulty genetics/mental illness/etc....reminding them what a POS they have only hurts your partner and it WILL drive them away.