Recently, like the last four weeks, DH has been doing things differently. He told off skids in front of me, held them to some things, got me decent gifts, got me a surprise gift, made sure DS got me a nice xmas gift, and has reversed a seven-year, heals-dug-in, no-way-in-hell stance he took about a change to the house. In the past the only reason he changed his tune was when someone else, not me, said the same thing I did. He would listen to others, not me.
I tried searching on medical sites and just the internet in general but I cannot come up with anything that fits.
DH was divorced nine years go and I was divorced thirteen years ago, and we met nine months after his divorce and he had already gone through one relationship in those months. We've been married for seven years. So I had almost five years (and no serious relationships) before I met DH and he had nine months before he met me and had had a serious relationship fast that imploded.
Yesterday morning I had to do a chore that OSS was supposed to do. DH asked what I was doing and I told him and also said to tell OSS "thanks for nothing." (Yes, I said that. It affected me. I am me. I get to say what I feel.) Apparently DH had told OSS three times to do it the night before. And, DH texted OSS right after I said the "nothing" comment to tell him that I had had to do the chore.
Every couple of days, for as long as we've been married, there's usually something that DH or I am unsure about. Trivial things, like if my BS is going to eat one or two dinners (he is in sports and is constantly hungry), or which pet barfed. I usually say I'll bet DH and the bet is always small like a single dime or loser has to do a pet chore. And it's 50/50 whether I say what it is that I bet or I ask him what his guess so I take the opposite/other. So it's not like I know and I'm setting him up.
I am beginning to wonder if the way to describe DHs attitude toward my role in this “family” is that he wants me to be his Disney wife. That thought popped into my head today when I asked about his latest defensive and angry response to a question about the skids.
DH really stepped up this year. He got me thoughtful, nice gifts and many of them showed he really paid attention to comments I made the last month or so. He also helped BS to get a thoughtful gift for me.
Background: since the skids, BS and DH have barely been able to remember much less put in effort toward me for a holiday I have decided to do the same. So I have said nothing to them about presents for anyone. I gave BS one reminder but no ideas since I do have an agreement with XH that if an ex is not married/living with someone then the other ex helps remind BS about important holidays since there isn’t another person to do it.
Since the beginning of last summer OSS has lackadaisical about his one extracurricular, has used multiple excuses to get out of it, and has been a typical teen when it comes to coordinating and notifying parents of places he wants to go and where he is. The last two cop-outs have been a wonderful study in the acceptance by parents of the lamest of excuses.
That was said by DH about his own kids. He thinks they are really hard to buy for. Back when I was buying the gifts I was able to come up with plenty of things.
Are other DHs this clueless about what their children want? I get that they are late teens but there are still personalities and interests and things they may have mentioned to help know what to do. Unless a kid is specifically into something right at the moment he is buying gifts he really has no ideas.