DH told me he talked to OSS. Did he initiate it? No. OSS actually reached out. Really?! For what you may ask: to tell DH that he wouldn't be the one dropping off YSS but that he, OSS, would still like to stop by some time this week to see people and could he borrow the sander.
Two questions come to mind when DH got to this part:
1. Why would OSS need a sander? He does not live on his own nor has he shown any interest in helping DH with home projects for $$. Well seems he wants to borrow it to refinish BMs deck. Hmmmmmm
I can hear DH while we are working. I don't listen but he's background noise and my brain notices and logs it. This morning my brain must have gotten enough data points because DH was on a call and my brain asked: have you noticed how he more easily complains about a woman's behavior than a man's, like in this current call?
I said no I hadn't and I asked my brain to defend its statement and it came up with a number of examples, and helpfully compared it to personal situations and his attitude.
In my opinion BM has been a bit too enmeshed with OSS19 and YSS17 but not to the same insane levels I read about here.
OSS did no bday, Xmas or Father's Day presents and didn't even acknowledge DH on Fathers Day. He isn't responding to DHs texts or calls even when DH is offering him a chance to make some $$. We've seen him once since the pandemic hit and I think it was only to come over to see DS.
DH has been bad again about telling me things that are happening and plans he makes. (He got pissy at me that I knew when he was doing something and I told him the last I heard it was his goal but not a confirmed plan. Jeez I'm not approving anything, just asking. Yet again he's planning something with a skid so of course he's tense and taking it out on me.)
Yet he's also upset that OSS doesn't contact him and doesn't respond to him when he asks questions of OSS. And OSS did zero for Father's Day.
It seems to me like OSS learned to ignore others from his dad.
DS told DH happy father's day right away in the morning and spent most of the day with XH (and gave him a gift).
YSS texted DH and came over with a card, gift, and made everyone brunch.
OSS was nowhere to be seen, wasn't heard from, and had nothing to do with the card or gift. DH still hasn't heard from him. He may be show up later today for a different errand, but no one should hold their breath if they think yesterday will be acknowledged.
I'm asking since DH has some very strong opinions on all the recent US events but is also super "flexible" when it comes to anything having to do with his own children. I know YSS is completely opposite DH in political views. And they are going on a trip together in a few weeks. I'm wondering if DH will come back on the same side as YSS.
DH: [surprised about something regarding his own kid, that he didn't know, but is something he has in common with his child, and told to DH in passing by DS who assumed that DH knew, and DS walked away without realizing the impact of his statement]
Me: Good thing you have a stepson. (my DS)
Me: Otherwise you'd know nothing about your children.
(I know, I know. Bite your tongue. Walk away. Guess that little sarcastic voice in my head won out that time. And frankly this same scenario, minus my comments, has happened a number of times.)
A few separate storylines are coming together.
Back here my spidey senses were telling me a car was coming for YSS: https://www.steptalk.org/blog/itb2012/spidey-senses-and-automobiles-256011. And I was dead-right. BM and YSS went car shopping and he got a POS that's half metal and half rust. Also it's a manual transmission that neither BM nor YSS nor OSS know how to drive so not really sure how they got it back to BMs.
Quarantine has been interesting. It has proven to me that it's not me and not DS, but it's DH and his dealings with his own children that are the stressor. DH and I have been getting along. DS has been here most of quarantine and other than the amount of dishes, there's no flux in emotions or attitude from anyone. DH and DS get along well and DS has been helping DH with some side jobs.
DH was surprised by a casual reference by DS19 to OSS19 and something that DHs super, special, angelic snowflakes would never, ever do. Yet DH had been told a few months ago that OSS was doing this thing, I think by OSS himself. DH conveniently forgot/ignored it and his physical reaction now made it obvious he had buried his head.