Same company, different bosses. Previous boss had 100% trust in me. Sometimes it felt overwhelming but I met that level of trust. Current boss seems to have 0% trust in me (and not much more in others) and unfortunately I feel myself affected by it. I'm starting to feel like I shouldn't try so hard if I'm just going to be second guessed and overridden. And I'm not a fledgling newbie in a low responsibility/low accountability position.
Tonight DH and I went out. We went to a place we've never gone before. They had a game where you throw dice for a dollar to win money in the pot (that others have lost playing the same game). If you win you split the pot with the bartender. I won. I never win anything. I was just happy I won. And I didn't need the money (under a hundred) so I told the bartender (just a young kid, probably mid twenties) he could keep it all.
These were your choices for whether he remembered it was YSSs bday yesterday:
a. He already bought or paid for something and very obviously told YSS it was his bday present. (I'm thinking something that had to be paid for already.)
b. He's forgotten but will say something he paid for recently was the present.
c. He will remember tomorrow morning and run out to get some book as a token gift but really has nothing to do with YSSs current interests.
d. He won't remember at all.
The winner is D!
He realized this morning he completely forgot.
Historically DH has totally whiffed on my bday, barely anything or completely last minute and very obviously not a priority. He's not as bad with the kids.
But in the past I've reminded him and he's still left it to the end and he's told me he knows and he's got it. Fine. I've left it.
Earlier this year he managed to get OSS something but I think it's because BM was talking to DH about college and grad presents and it was around the same time of his bday.
YSSs bday is tomorrow. DH has said boo about it. Nada. He's only focused on a set of meetings at work.
I posted that in a previous session my therapist made an aside about children coming first in a second family. Today was my next appointment. I led with that comment and didn't give her any leads like "so did you mean X".
Background for those who don't know: my DS is a freshman at college in an on-campus apartment and ended up with one okay roommate and two with problems. My OSS is also a freshman at a different college and is in a dorm. My DH thinks he had some influence over the dorm decision and is doing a lot of I-told-you-so with DS having a hard time in the apartment.
No one has to read this, I just need to spew some first-world problems.
My DS is having a hard time at college. He's a freshman and ended up getting into one of the on-campus apartment dorms. He was very happy about it since he likes to cook. However, his roommate has some bizarre behaviors and one of the other kids is a raging alcoholic and drug user, basically a felony waiting to happen. So DS's not liking college at all right now. He's obviously concerned since he's talked to me, DH, XH, and XH's (longterm) GF about it a lot. XH and I are going to talk soon to compare notes.
So The Revisionist (my DH) seems to have a set of sentences to use to avoid conflict, discussing uncomfortable things, or parenting (which falls into the previous two categories). Here are his.
I didn't see it.
I didn't hear it.
But I'm busy.
But it's [holiday].
It hasn't been that often. (so the rule is not a rule because the thing can be done without repercussion)
But [name of my child] did Y.
But [name of skid] isn't here much/got here late/has homework/did [unrelated thing that somehow negates this thing].
Over the weekend DH and I had to do a lot of driving. So I brought up a lot of topics, things like memories of childhood and college. I also did that set of questions to draw two people closer because the questions are good conversation starters.