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Toxic Exwife and mum to SKIDS

Mumofsix22's picture

Bio mum engages in alienation constantly. Bitter angry racist, befriending my ex husband (I am second spouse...) etc. you get bio and step daughter 8 have been on a wave past few weeks. My bio just said she's upset to go to bed as skid is deliberately annoying her and keeping her awake, and teenage skid (not here due to vile behaviour toward her dad last week) has told her their mum has said to do mean things to my daughter if she's mean. I asked how she is mean and she said... when she doesn't share a toy. This is typical behaviour that kids work on every day. How do I approach this strange behaviour of telling Sdaughter to do mean things to my bio in our own home? I don't want to call it a day cause of her but this is own home and safe place. Where does it end?!

Rags's picture

Make sure SD knows that you know, make sure SD knows clearly that her mother is a manipulative and toxic person who will not be allowed to put her toxicity in your home and family.   Make sure SD knows that she will not be allowed to abuse anyone in the home and if she does she will be punished.


ESMOD's picture

You handle it by ensuring the kids are supervised well.  You deal with "mean" behavior of both girls if and when it happens.

SD should also have the option and be encouraged to come to an adult for help when she feels someone (your daughter) is being mean to her.. then you can help her work through it.

Maybe both girls need to learn to not only share well when appropriate.. but also learn to respect other people's posessions... and kids that are having lots of conflicts may need to be monitored better to head off these issues.. not saying it's just on you.. but your DH also.

AND YOUR HOUSE YOUR RULES... it's unlikely you will get any traction on stopping her mother from saying things.. it's up to you and  your DH to parent in your home.

Lillywy00's picture

Well if you're involved in the court system you can write down what the step kids are saying their mother is telling them and report it to the lawyers. 

overseeing their interactions like mentioned above is an excellent idea.

You could also try having a conversation with your husband to encourage more positive behavior from his kids and ask encourage his ex wife to remain respectful regarding the kids. 

It's your husbands job as a man to help you bring order into the home. 

Id be totally annoyed at my partner if he stood by and did nothing as his exwife is manipulating the kids and causing drama in my home so I feel ya.