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Omg now she had me served to depose

Biostep7777's picture

What the hell. I want nothing to do with my husband's lawsuit. I got served today by HCBM from her attorney to be deposed. I'm so annoyed. Anyone go through this?? 

tog redux's picture

I haven't. Thankfully BM did not target me in this way.  I don't know if I could have stayed.

Thumper's picture

Me

What is Bm's reason?

Sorry about this.

Biostep7777's picture

No clue what her reason is. I have nothing to hide so they can ask me whatever but like...why? Oh and they had me served today and it was right in front of my kids. Ridiculous. 

tog redux's picture

I'd be a stressed out mess, but it's not like this is going to help BM's case - it will help your DH's case if anything.  So maybe look at it that way? If she's going to ask how much he's spending on your kids, etc, she's not going to get the answers she's hoping for.

justmakingthebest's picture

Thumper- what did they ask? I am so curious an why BM's attorney would subpeona "the new wife"!

Thumper's picture

Everything.

All of it was an attempt to discredit a stable, crime free,  thriving home in comparison to bm's life. Her life is the Polar opposite and they knew/know it.

Family Court needs to be reformed. Drama and chaos drives the train to churn these cases, years and years.

 

 

 

 

Biostep7777's picture

When you say everything like everything that had to do with the custody case or everything like personal questions about you and your kids (if you have them?) I mean they can't ask me about my finances and I'm not giving any information about my kids. They are minors and deserve privacy. I'm so livid I can't even begin to explain. 

futurobrillante99's picture

Please talk to your lawyer. Know this - you're not being put on the stand in front of a judge. You have the right to decline to answer ANYTHING asked of you if you believe it's not pertinent to ANYTHING.

So, let her run up a bill and waste her time. You don't have to tell them sh$t.

Biostep7777's picture

She's doing it to get information to abuse DH. That is all this is about. There is ZERO reason I should be getting questioned. She is jealous and nosy and just wants to degrade, humiliate and question me as a mother. I am beyond pissed. 
 

Oh and I got served right in front of my children. 
This woman is a sociopath! 

futurobrillante99's picture

You're married to DH. In most states, I believe, a spouse cannot be compelled to testify against their partner. That's in court and this is only a deposition.

You don't have to tell them SH$T.

Honestly, talk to your lawyer right away and it should give you some peace. If you go for the deposition, just make sure you tell the truth or decline to answer, but I don't think you HAVE TO answer anything they ask.

tog redux's picture

Yes, it's a power play. But she probably really does believe he's spending money on your kids and wants to get at the truth this way. 

futurobrillante99's picture

And, if the OP is asked if her DH is spending money on HER kids, she can respond with "That is none of your business." Or "DH pays his child support and other agreed to expenses to BM. What he does with the rest of his income is irrelevant."

tog redux's picture

I actually think you are correct that she can refuse to do it. Only a judge's subpoena is really binding - not an attorney's - in family court here anyway.  

She should refuse as the matter does not pertain to her and her communication with her husband is confidential.

Biostep7777's picture

But who cares?? He has never missed a child support payment. Has he spent money on my kids?? Of course he has! Just as I have spent money on his. Why does she care? 

tog redux's picture

You know why she cares. Because he's asking to spend less on her kids than he has been and she assumes that it's because he's paying for your kids. 

Biostep7777's picture

No I mean I get why SHE cares in the sense that stars jealous but does she think it's going to help her get more child support? He's over paying his child support, paying 100% medical and saying yes and paying for 90% of the things she asks for (the reasons he says no is because of over scheduling) then is a judge really going to say his family should go without basic necessities to overly pay her? We are already over paying in child support. This is what is in the budget. This is what I will pay. If he buys my kids some gum at the store is a judge really going to care??? This is stupid!!! He pays for dinners out and things like that but he's not buying my kids cloths, he's not paying anything medical related, I mean nothing! He buys them birthday gifts and Christmas gifts but I also buy his kids stuff too! I don't understand why she thinks the tiny bit he has spent on my kids is worth dragging me in for a deposition. She is insane. 

futurobrillante99's picture

A judge does not care. Please take a deep breath. The panic you're feeling is coming through in your posts.

She doesn't have a RIGHT to know what is spent on your kids and by whom. All that matters is the following:

1. Her income

2. Your husband's income

3. The court order

4. The state guidelines for child support based on income and day care, if relevant.

YOU and your kids and your income should NOT be a single factor. Therefore, NONE OF IT is her business. You do not have to give her any information. You are not a party to her custody/child support situation.

Please stop being afraid that you have to tell her anything.

Biostep7777's picture

I'm confused. Is my husband not allowed to spend money on my kids?? He has never missed a child support payment and literally pays for everything that his kids do as well as medical. 

futurobrillante99's picture

If your husband is honoring the agreed court order and child support payments, it is NONE OF HER BUSINESS what he spends the rest of his income on, even it was on lotsa porn and legal weed. It's none of her business.

Biostep7777's picture

I'm confused. Is my husband not allowed to spend money on my kids?? He has never missed a child support payment and literally pays for everything that his kids do as well as medical. 

Thumper's picture

((((HUGS)))))

I fully understand what you are going through.I really REALLY do.

 

AgedOut's picture

you do not have to answer her questions. if you don't want to answer them "my atty has advised me that I do not need to answer your questions as this matter does not involve or concern me"

Findthemiddle's picture

If it were me I would have my lawyer seek a protective order to quash the deposition notice.  Then the person seeking it has to disclose what information they are seeking and why.

Biostep7777's picture

Agreed. My husband is going to fight this. He's pissed. We know this is all just a way for her to try and get personal information about me to abuse him with. She is sick and a bully and is trying everything in her power to try and make him look bad and she's failing miserably. So, she is moving onto the next thing. Which is me. We are going to fight it. I already gave an affidavit. DH makes a much much higher salary then me so yes he has spent money on me and my kids. This takes nothing away from his though. He pays his child support, he pays for everything he is responsible for. So, she can go sit down. She's so jealous is repulsive! She wants ALL of his money to go towards her kids and nothing for us. That is just not how he works. He's very generous and will go without just to make sure we have everything and that includes his kids.  She is pissed because he put a limit on her spending money on their kids. She wants him to pay hundreds and thousands on sports, extra curriculars ect.. but she wants to pay zero and he can't sornd ANY money on us or she will say he can't pay for things for their kids because he's paying for things for us (which it's really not much. I do make money) it's just so petty and gross. She is literally nasty and disgusting. 

tog redux's picture

Well, here is her point of view: When they divorced, he agreed to pay for everything for the kids. That worked for her! She liked that. Then you came along and now he doesn't want to pay for every little thing for the kids.  That doesn't work for her. She assumes it's because you are in the picture, eating up the money that is rightfully hers (in her head).  In a sense, she's right - he didn't try to change the agreement with her until you came along, though he's doing it for the right reasons.

Yes, he can spend money on you - but she's trying to show that him saying "I can't afford those other activities" is not true, and it's because the money is going to you and your kids.

Not justifying it, just explaining it.  In my experience, money issues are cut and dry - you owe X amount based on salary and that's that.  But maybe since he's been paying for so long, she hopes to establish a precedent that he CAN pay more, and SHOULD.

Biostep7777's picture

Yeah we were 2 years into our relationship when he started fighting her and it had zero to do with me and spending money on me. She started over scheduling them, she was claiming them on taxes so for two years he was paying over 10K on taxes and he started struggling financially because of HER not me. But even so, I don't think any  judge is going to go through every cent he has spent on us vs. his kids and declare he should be spending more on them. We are already over paying. Not only that. When he agreed, she was making zero. Now she is making 125K a year. But she still wants him to pay 100% while she goes on vacations to Key West, buying new laptops, buying all sorts of expensive stuff then she's going to say what? She can't afford to contribute to anything because that's what he originally agreed to right after they separated when he was in a bad place because she cheated on him? She's a complete idiot. They are both very financially capable of taking care of their kids, giving to us takes absolutely NOTHING away from her kids. If DH doesn't agree to something? She absolutely can pay for it herself, no problem! So what's her argument? That she just doesn't like that he buys us anything? He can't buy us a single thing and every cent should go to her even though we have been over paying child support for two years? That's completely stupid. 

tog redux's picture

I agree with you, but I'm not an attorney - I don't know if him paying for everything for years means he has set the precedent that it should continue that way, and maybe she's trying to prove that. 

Biostep7777's picture

Well he hasn't been just paying her. He has been saying for two years that it's too much and she just started signing them up for things that he didn't agree to and she just said "fine, I will just pay for it" so for all of 2019 and 2020 she paid for stuff and didn't ask did reimbursement but now she's saying he owes her money because he should have paid for these things and well...it's just a mess!! 

skell76's picture

I was on my husbands witness list and went on stand to testify but I highly doubt "my" HCBM would have deposed me. Although she has no insight to our life from a financial standpoint and my kids are older. 

You've received great advise but definitely work with your lawyer. Ours is a shark and we "practiced" questioning and she tripped me up but she coached me me how to handle on the stand and thank god she did because even though I didn't do anything it's just stressful. They should be able to guide on the questioning and the other thing we learned is a lot of times these HCBM just trying to do whatever they can to rattle you so you are not at your best for trial. Isn't trial coming up in a week (early May I thought) this is her trying to mess with you. Do not let her win. 

nengooseus's picture

It was to keep me out of the courtroom during trial.  As a witness, I couldn't enter the courtroom unless called to testify, which I never was.  It was yet another attempt on HCBM's part to isolate DH from people who care about him--and another attempt to make herself look good.

That was the same round of court when she tried to have the judge recuse herself because I worked for the municipality in which the case was heard.  Unfortunately for her, I worked for the municipality, but judges are employed by the state, so there was ZERO connection.

Personally, I would love to sit through a deposition with HCBM's attorney.  I'd bring mine, of course, who could use it as an intelligence gathering opportunity.  

Ispofacto's picture

Is DH paying for her lawyer?  Our BM tried to run up the bills.

It's time for DH to go on the offensive.  One sport at a time per kid, written in the CO.

 

Biostep7777's picture

No. She makes six figures a year and completely capable to pay her attorney fees. She just doesn't  like that he spends a dime on us. She feels all his money should go to their kids and zero to us and if he pays anything? Oh look out!!! She is on the war path. She is so jealous is absolutely disgusting. 

justmakingthebest's picture

I was going to say this- also, "I am just the new wife, I don't know" or "I am just the stepmom, I'm not sure"

halo1998's picture

as you have no meaningful information to contribute.  If it were me, I would hire my own laywer and have them file the motion to quash your deposition.  If the deposition goes forward then your attorney will be present to protect your interests.  He/She will be able to object to questions asked and can coach you on your answers.

 

I Need A Bubble Bath's picture

When BM tried to do this to me I hared my own attorney who in a few short sentences had the issue dismissed. Basically he told the judge that if I was going to be named I was entitled to full parenting rights (which my state doesn't aknowledge steps). BM threw  fit in court and the judge threw it out, but not before my attorney also stated that we would be seeking compensation for my attorney fees and missed work. The compensation has been hanging open for 2 years now but BM has not harrassed me (at leeast not through court) since. She always has some illness or death in the family the day before court. It is almost funny to watch. My state has a law that allow a person to seek compensation against someone who is using the courts to harrass them. Check it out. Yours may too. It's pretty common from what my attorney told me. 

Rags's picture

They would drive a hearing date then back out at the last minute due to some bullshit excuse after my then GF had flown in from out of State for the hearing from where she was attending university.  Eventually we were able to nail them down and stop the never ending rescheduling or cancelation cycle.  Though.... the AM of our first actual court hearing the Judge requested that we postpone due to a murder trial that he wanted to preside over.  Our attorney presented all of the repeated postponement crap from the opposition including the associated travel and legal costs the eternal delay tactic had cost my then starving college student DW of less than two weeks.

The Judge was irritated that we would not accept a postponement without reimbursement of travel and legal costs with penalties and interest from the SpermClan.  He did not like that I pushed that.

So, we spent the day in court, won soundly, and never again let the SpermClan maintain any control over court action or schedule.  The Judge was not happy about missing a murder trial, but... meh

Rags's picture

The witness-spouse is the one who holds the testimony advantage.  It is entirely up to you whether or not you testify.  As I understand it as a legal layman. 

You can refuse any request for deposition from the BM and her attorney.  Work with you attorney to implement the sequence of responses that runs up BM's legal bills while not sharing shit.

In our initial court hearing about 2 wks after we married the SpermClan's idiot attorney tried to paint a picture of us cohabitating prior to marriage with the toddler SS in the mix.  The only answer I provided was "I own my own home, she had her own apartment. We moved in together after we married. BTW.... neither of us are statutory rapists unlike (SpermIdiot)"  He would try to shift the wording, both DW and I pretty much said the same thing over and over again repeatedly. Even when the Judge demanded that we focus on the question of cohabitation rather than the fact that the SpermIdiot was a serial statutory rapist.  "Neither of us has perpotrated statutory rape or cohabitated out of wedlock."  The SpermClan's heads would explode along with the head of their attorney, the Judge wold turn purple, and even our attorney was irritated by our repeated reference to the SpermIdiots statutory rape career when answering questions on cohabitation.

You may be able to play this notably to your advantage.  Work with your attorney, your DH, and his attorney on using this opportuntiy to back BM more firmly into a corner if possible.

I would.

Good luck.