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Husband has lied to me and not admitted the truth

shamds's picture

I told hubby i did not want to go to a family wedding hours away because our toddlers are really sick and vomit and anti nausea meds don’t help, his daughters with ex think they can answer me back when it comes to inappropriate stuff they do or give to my toddler daughter and they do not respect our boundaries or privacy.

i said very clearly i would not go if they were going, and would rather stay home with our 2 toddlers and avoid these issues and the fact plans change last minute and i am never notified and stuck with dealing with 2 unhappy kids

he assured me no changes and it will be going directly there and his daughters will get uber or interstate bus, we will not play taxi or drop them off home. They’d at most only come for saturday for a few hrs and go home

tuesday they tell hubby they will come friday evening, i am not notified. Wednesday evening its changed to now the youngest daughter aged 14 will be skipping school to go to her cousins wedding meaning they will be sleeping at Hubbys childhoom home and unnecessarily shouting and banging our bedroom door at inappropriate times when our toddlers are sleeping for non urgent things. Our son had been having night wake ups at 3am for the past few weeks so early morning is where we catch up on sleep

i warned hubby 2.5 months ago he was in dangerous waters with me with the way he allowed and encouraged me and our kids to be treated the past 4 years by his now 20 yr old son and i felt only solution was a divorce and to focus on me and our kids and this environment is too toxic.

i told him then that next week when we go back to my country i almost didn’t want to come back with the kids, we had agreed to send them to school where i used to live. I feel the family dynamics here have robbed them of learning at the rate they should be as they’ve been isolated and not mixed often with kids their age so they are a bit behind. 

Well it looks like later today or tomorrow when i tell him i am not going to the wedding with kids and no doubt the following day or few hours later he send a a sob story how sorry he is, i’m telling him me and kids won’t be coming back, i want them to go to playschool until we register daughter for kindergarten later in the year. I need to be away from the toxicity permanently and i feel the only way hubby mans up and addresses the issues is when i’m not here. He’ll realise how lonely life is. 

I don’t believe he will take me to court for the kids, he’s the man who wants a happy life, no drama and avoid conflict and look where thats got him. Well exwife you succeeded using your kids and batshit craziness to drive a wedge between us.. you’ve been an exceptional example at how not to raise kids when you’ve screwed up the 3 you had and refused to raise properly who i doubt will ever launch 

our kids also have my citizenship too but hubby would never succeed at court, he works from 7am-10pm when he comes home and weekends work fuctions, if he got custody even he’d have to get a sister interstate to care for our kids, over my dead body is that happening. I’ve felt separation for a while might be the only way he can get his life around and address all these issues, i can’t allow myself and kids be a part of it anymore.

when your hubby is more upset at telling his sister me and our kids couldn’t come to her sons wedding over the issues above and our sons major eczema flare up for the past 3 weeks and he’s severely allergic to cats and there are stray cats allowed into the home and i explained that our kid will flare up even more, that says alot about where his priorities are

i know my dad is gonna be upset, he’s wanted to talk to hubby for a while but i told him not to and to respect that as it would be pointless. 

Rags's picture

I would not tell him that you are not comming back until you and the kids are back in your home country.  That severly limits anything he can do to prevent you from leaving with the kids.

I am sorry that  you are having to deal with this.

Good luck.

shamds's picture

work friends going so he wouldn’t cancel or prevent me from leaving. Yesterday he bought health insurance for the trip. He’s not someone who would prevent me from going back to my country, plus he knows where i live.

his chat history with his daughter was cleared yesterday when he realised i was checking it. I know checking his phone/chat history is seen as an invasion of privacy but hubby has always given me his password incase i have to do things for him on his phone.

but i didn’t want to be lied to again, i really want to be there for hubbys nephew but i just can’t with skids around, i just wanted to be told the truth and felt something was off from what he was telling me and i don’t want to get there and be in a bad angry mood in front of family because i realised he lied again.