Mini family holiday with demonspawn miniwives sd’s14 & 24 / nephews wedding reception pt 2
So this afternoon hubby tells me that this friday we’ll try leave in the afternoon to drive 3 states away for his nephew’s wedding reception which i am excited to go to and catch up with hubbys family. Hubby says we will pick up his daughters along the way as they will be waiting at a petrol station.
I tell him no! He knows after everything skids have done to me and my kids that i have disengaged but he’s in the hopes i can put that past behind me. Hubby says they have changed and do not follow crazy bio mum anymore. I remind hubby just last month sd24 called hubby to remind him he owed a home to their mum after the divorce that was promptly to be put in her and her 2 full siblings name (despite home being purchased after divorce was final and no offer to give it to exwife was ever made), sd’s sought to start disinheriting my kids (hubbys bios too) from hubbys estate.
hubby claims they are changed and genuinely sorry and he reminded them to not speak of their mum and stepdad ever again on meets as that was not our concern or business and they needed to respect me. They do not answer me back or make executive decisions regarding my kids.
i told hubby i had been treated like dog shit by his 3 kids and they have never felt wrong about any of it and the moment hubby confronta them about it its the fake “oh i’m sorry we didn’t mean to or know it waswrong” really?? So now showing disrespect and bad manners is not ever wrong?
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What is wrong with your DH? I
What is wrong with your DH? I don't know how you put up with him.
As usual he is still in denial and not objective.
i go based on facts and actions. There is nothing positive about them. They are not family to any of us or even remotely treated us as family but done their best to ensure we are beneath them and tried to erase us. Now because they are shitting themselves that hubby and me bought a home they are milking up the gravy train so hubby laps it up. They and exwife know how to handle my husband, they don’t know how to handle me.
hubby is still all over the place... i wished he hadn’t told his kids we’d bought a home till it was final for this exact reason.
you don’t get to play innocent and a changed person overnight to when you were so determined to erase me and my kids barely a month ago from hubbys life...
Just say NO
You have a major DH problem. I would not be with SD in a car. So either he does not pick up SD or you do not go
How big is your vehicle
How big is your vehicle anyway.. sounds like a crowded trip. I might suggest that you drive separately.
We have a family van but after packing luggage and the usual
for 2 toddlers and 1 with severe food allergies it feels like you’re moving house at times as you need to prep for any scenario.
Continuing from my post (st keeps erroring when i try to post)
i reminded hubby his kids provided no benefits to my life, they have not seen me or my kids in over a year because again we are not family and this 1 big happy family is not possible as its like mixing oil with water and anything skids claim they are sorry about means shi* because actions speak louder than words and their actions to date (absolutely nothing) speaks volumes.
sd’s claim their mum is in a wheelchair and about to croak it, which magically happens the moment hubby confronts them about some bad attitudes or behaviour of theirs or exwife hears something of our marriage or life she isn’t happy about like “oh hubby telling eldest sd we bought a coastal home in my country” its a never ending changing saga of shi* i do not need to be subjected to.
End of the day, skids behaviour
And hubbys refusal to man up and address this in the early days is the reason why we are in this situation. I told hubby he can’t tell someone to just basically continually forgive and forget on the basis skids are sorry. Really i haven’t spoken to any of them in over a year. Their actions speak volumes and they have done nothing to make amends or maintain a positive relationship so whatever apology they claim to hubby is crap.
the day i was told by a 13 & 22.5 yr old sd’s that they would answer back at me when i said to not do inappropriate things with my young kids and they felt they were more superior than me was more than enough. I do not ever answer to 2 miniwives regarding the parenting of my kids ever.
we are not family, thats obvious and i am not allowing my young kids to be used as manipulative pawns so they look like siblings of the year. Strangers treat us better than skids.
i told hubby i am not celebrating religious holidays with skids, if their mum abandons them so be it but i will not ever be told to tolerate them ever again. I’ve reached my limit, i’ve disengaged so let me be. I have more important things to worry about in life than having to be guilted or coaxed into time with skids. We do not have a relationship and neither do my 2 toddlers and they are a big reason for that along with hubby
now skids are trying to milk hubby and benefit off the fact we can actually afford to buy our coastal home. Yeah you don’t get to treat me like shit and now benefit off of me to rub it in peoples faces
Firstly, well done for doing
Firstly, well done for doing your degree whilst bringing up kids and looking after a household.
I would not let my first meeting with any skids be in a car if I hadn’t seen them for a while, it’s asking for trouble. Some men can’t see the obvious even when you spell it out.
If the skids want to go they can get a lift another way.
sd 24 is a grown up if she doesn’t have a car she can use public transport or get another member of the family to give her a lift.
Great in theory except hcgubm and her stepdad have banned the
24 yr old from driving. Even driving half way to meet up with hubby and drive in convoy is banned. She is banned from driving to meet hubby by bio mum and stepdad and needs to get their permission for anything. Just ridiculous bs to inconvenience and annoy hubby and us but totally allowable when its turned on bio mum and stepdad...
there is no family member that will give her a lift. They’re such unbearable people that no one will go out of their way to give them a lift because the family knows skids don’t treat them like family. Which is why hubby feels guilty and responsible for to go to extreme lengths to pick them up..
Cant think of anything to say to that!
With all your history with these "kids", and how badly they have treated you, how entitled they are, he still thinks that they will "turn around' suddenly and be the pinkof perfection with you and your kidlings.
Rubbish. Leopards dont change their spots.
That would be like Feral Forger becoming ocd on cleaning and being genuinely sweet to me, and Munchkin.
The day my ss was forced by hubby to clean his bedroom
spotless and bleach the heck out of his bathroom and vacuum was a friggin miracle. It only ever happened once because hubby put the fear of god in him and checked to make sure it was done pronto the moment he got back from college, he then was forced by hubby to vacuum all of downstairs the next day. That only happened once but i totally get what you mean...
i did say to hubby people can and certainly do change but currently skids have done nothing to show they are genuine at change, its the same shi* so why should i be subjected to their presence at what should be a happy occasion. If he wants to go alone with then fine but he knows his sisters will grill him about it that instead of putting his kids in order, he decided to prioritize keeping me at home instead of addressing the major issues with them.
I have told hubby previously if they had miraculously made arrangements to attend the wedding or family events on their own that I wouldn’t go purely because of my discomfort level.
Its like the various posts on steptalk of skids marrying and inviting the stepparent out of necessity but really never maintained or attempted a cordial relationship and the stepparent knows it’ll be a real shitshow but then in clouded judgement goes in the hopes it’ll be great and then reality hits, the shitshow they predicted did happen.
i’m not comfortable going if i know they will be attending or we need to pick them up. I am in between studying and all the usual with finalising the purchase of our home and all the stuff we need to arrange and buy. Time is limited and I certainly don’t want to waste it being around stepkids...
SD's are relatives of the
SD's are relatives of the nephew having the wedding correct? If their father didn't drive them there are there any other options for them to get to the event?
I'm going to go out on a limb just a bit and say that just because you have disengaged from your skids that it doesn't mean that you are necessarily going to be able to avoid seeing them ever again in your whole life. It CERTAINLY" doesn't mean that your spouse/their father won't want to see them and may do things to help them because they are his children.. just like YOUR children are his children. Just because they are adults it doesn't mean that he can't do them a favor or help them if he wants to do that.
Now.. I get it.. I wouldn't want to spend several hours (not sure how long the trip is) in a car with two people that I didn't care for. But, your husband apparently feels he has some obligation to help them get to the event because they can't do so on their own... (BM and her DH forbid the girl that is older from having a DL etc.. ). I know that isn't your fault or concern that they can't drive. I know your DH didn't necessarily cause that.. but he may still feel he wants to do a nice thing by helping his girls attend their relative's wedding. In fact, he may think that his girls are obligated to be there and that as their father.. it is up to him to ensure that happens.
Now.. if there is an alternative way for his girls to get to the event. Certainly, that should be the option chosen. However, if there is no other way.. then perhaps their father taking them is something he feels an obligation to do.. and that might not be the best time for you... to sit in hopeful silence.. but with no other options, I don't see him leaving them without a way there. Because he isn't telling you that YOU can't come because they are.. he is saying that you will all be going together in the same vehicle... so it's not like he is ditching you.. just asking you to be civil and he should also be requireing his daughters to ALSO be civil to you on the trip.
Sd24 does have a drivers licence Just her bio mum and stepdad
Hypocritically won’t let her drive.
You are right hubby does feel guilty and responsible to get them to the wedding.
i can be civil during the car ride but it has been a regular history of snide remarks and disrespectful behaviours towards me and my kids by the skids repeatedly and until thats been firmly addressed, I don’t want to be in a situation where they do their usual shitty behaviour when daddy isn’t looking.
his daughters have a history of refusing to be civil and hubby thinks telling them off once sorted out that problem only to find it happens continually. I don’t need to subject myself or my kids to that
It sounds like the OSD is
It sounds like the OSD is unfortunately unable to drive due to her mother's overbearing hand.
It does sound like your DH is going to get his girls and take them... so you do have a couple options.
1. You can refuse to go. Having small kids is actually a decent excuse since adult events like weddings coupled with a long car ride can be hard on them.. cranky and out of sorts toddlers that arguably will remember little of this adventure but the discomfort of being cooped up. But on the other hand, your husband probably wants you there beside him as his wife. It's not that you don't matter.. or matter "less" than his kids.. it's just that he wants to do what he thinks his obligations are. You, yourself, may want to go.. and see people you haven't for a while and DH may have relatives who want to see all his kids.. not just the SD's.
2. You can go but plan to be able to check out by perhaps bringing noise cancelilng headphones and listening to books on tape during the ride. You can also read your DH the riot act and perhaps have some code words to use when you percieve his girls ratcheting up their passive aggressive BS.. so that he can keep his eyes and ears open and that he can tell them to cut it out.
3. If OSD does have a license and "can" drive.. maybe your DH could help facilitate a rental car for her? Then she and her sister could drive separately.