How can i make myself like them....
I love my OH very much and i knew the situation with regards to him already having children and at the time i found it to be exciting. Now the novelty as such has worn off!
There mother said she would do what she could to make sure they hate me so i was very concerned about meeting them and spending time with them but it all turned out ok and we all got on well.
I have started a new business after being made redundant and therefore money is a little tighter than it used to be so less shopping trips and days out and since this it has become awkward!
The 15 year old is fine, there is a little bit of attitude but not nastily, she sits on her laptop or talks to you etc, she is very much like her dad so i guess thats why we get on.
The 11 year old i can't stand - she is nosy, in that when you are talking she wants to know everything in detail and at home her mother tells her everything so she thinks its the same here. She doesn't help clearing things away, leaves wrappers around etc. Unless we are out spending money on her she isn't really interested. We are more than happy for her to invite friends round but she never does, she doesn't know what she wants to do but she says she is bored! I don't enjoy being at home in these circumstances its like its not my home!
The Ex is crazy - OH and i have been friends for many years and she told him she didn't love him and started seeing someone else but OH had no where to go etc so it was all a little differcult at home. I was in the process of selling my house after seperating from my husband so we used to talk and eventually ended up together. The Ex hated this because it meant that he was getting a life and wouldn't be hanging around waiting to see if her and new man worked and also he wouldn't be around at the click of her fingers for the kids.
I knew it was going to be tough and i didn't totally understand her being so nasty towards me as it was not me that split them up i had no dealings in that! But i knew things were raw so in time it would settle down.
Well she lives in the house still that we are paying for along with the kids and her man (althought she denies he lives there or she would have to pay the mortgage) and me and OH have our home and are expecting a child so everyone happy.....so you would think!
She is so nasty - when she is going out she texts OH and says will you have the kids overnight, but this is about 3 days before so quite often we have made plans - he says he will let her know as with him being a man he doesn't normally know when and where we are going and needs to check with me. She doesn't like that and goes mad saying he doesn't want to see his kids and he doesn't care etc... It makes me so mad.
Why after all this time and everyone is happy with there own lives can she not be more reasonable, why does she get so angry? I try not to let it get to me due to my condition but its so hard..
Cinders, first thing dont
Cinders, first thing dont let this biotch upset you, you are pregnant and should be only thinking about your baby. Think of the satisfaction she would get knowing she had some kind of influence in your life.
When I got together with my DH I was amazed that any women could be so jealous and petty. I had never encountered anyone like BM in my life. I would walk around asking DH "Is she for real? is this a joke? , so dont be surprised.
DH reallly needs to handle her and put her in her place. Ive learned the hard way she needs to know the rules. I dont know if DH has a custody agreement, but everything should be outlined clearly. Our BM can only contact us thru email, this is something you might want to look into. Also in DH agreement, she is not allowed to badmouth us. I doubt that is enforced ha
Your SD's are older, you should be able to communicate with them on alot of issues, like their school schedule and stuff like that.
As far as the girls go, belive me all teenagers are like that, I swear my daughter can text when she is in the shower, she is 15.
As far as the younger one, Im sure BM had alot more influence on her. I think you need to show her what goes on in BM house, does not go on here, but DH needs to help you with that.
Take care of yourself and dont give BM any satisifaction that she is upsetting you. Dont take it personally, she is miserable and misery love company.
Cheers and congrats on your baby
Try to concentrate more on
Try to concentrate more on the skids positive traits than the negative. You can bond with them a lot easier this way. Hope this helps.
I've been going through this
I've been going through this for almost three years. It has got better but there are still times where the ex pulls the "you don't want to see your kids," or gets mad at him and for her own selfish reasons does not allow him to see his kids that weekend (he does have legal rights to them on the weekend). She was so jealous she would fake the kids having seizures just to get my husband to go to the hospital with her and act like she still needed him around. She was the one who left him for another guy by the way.
It got so bad that I was going to leave but that is what she wanted. She didn't want my husband anymore but she would be damned if another woman came into her kids life. WOW should of thought of that before you got knocked up at 16 huh, (husband was 19). So my husband now 26 has a 6 year old and a 3 year old with her. It has its good times but I didn't realize how different it is from having your own. I have a 3 month old little boy and he is my world. I love and care for his children but the love I have for my son is so much more than anything I have ever felt for someone. It makes it harder for me to want to spend time with them now. All I want to do is spend time with my son. I try to still spend time with the other children but it is hard for me. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. Anyways I went off the subject I think.
I have read a lot of these forums and it seems like many of us have this problem with the ex's. I wish I knew why they acted that way. I am a registered nurse, I take care of the kids like they were my own. No I wouldn't like another woman help raising my son but I would like it a whole lot better knowing she was a good person who had my son's best interest in mind. I have also never told those kids once I was their mother. They know who there mother is so it makes me very upset when their mom disrespects me.
My husband sticks up for me and she doesn't do it anymore; to my knowledge. I guess she figures I am not going anywhere. She still has that mean streak in her and I don't think that will ever change. Unfortunately my husband had children with a crazy no good woman and so we just have to learn how to deal with that. I hope everything gets better and congratulations on the baby!!!
Thank you so much guys, your
Thank you so much guys, your comments have helped!
What i have been telling myself is that the ex would take great delight in thinking that we were arguing or unhappy or that she was causing me distress so i am NOT going to let her do that, i know thinking it is easy but i am really going to try for mine and my babies own good!
Also i know she didn't like the thought of her children spending time with me and she used to text OH and call me things like daddy snatcher and bitch and lots of nasty's and saying i will never care about them etc. Well i have done many things for them, fixed there laptop which had totally had it, helped with homework etc and she know's OH hasn't a clue about computers so it had to have been me so i think she has realised that i do care and stopped with the nasty messages!
What she will hate the most is knowing that the kids have had a good time with ME! She is very nosey and will ask 20 questions when they get home about what they have done and who with and what they have eaten etc... so if they are full of things that i have done with them she will hate it! Now i have never said i am there mother and i do not want to be and my OH has never asked that i am either - all i want is for an understanding, i want to be there friend however they need to understand our rules in our home!
I need to be more forceful, like asking them to do things and tidy up after themselves but i struggle with that and always feel i am in the way in my own home when they are here.
Its a bog long lesson i need to learn and quickly, because once my baby comes i think i will know then i will never love them like i do my own child.