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Honest Opinions please

milknosugar's picture

My DH and I have been having some really big problems. Most of them come out of him shutting down and treating me really badly. He ignores me for days.

Last time he did it I had enough. I knew I hadn't done anything wrong.

He has been trying hard for a few days but tonight it has started again.

He was out taking his DS to a basketball game. I was home from work and helping my DS get ready for his prom night. He didn't have a tie so he asked if he could borrow one from DH. I said I was sure it would be ok and asked if it was ok when DH got home.

It wasn't. He is furious.

In my eyes, it's just a tie. He never wears any of his ties.

I know that if his daughter was getting ready for her prom night and I wasn't here and she asked DH if she could borrow something -I would be fine. I would be flattered.

We have such a different view of things like that.

What matters to me is that my DS went off to his prom upset after DH shouted at us both.

I didn't think he would have wanted me to buy a tie for my son. We give all our money to his ex and the private school he sends his kids to.

Was I at fault? Even if I was, I don't think we are compatible. Is his reaction understandable to you?

Kes's picture

No, its not, but it sounds similar to how my exH used to behave ie totally unreasonable; flying off the handle at tiny little things that you wouldn't imagine would ever be an issue. This is a form of emotional abuse, behaving in an angry, irrational way so that you as partner are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid you are going to do something to set him off.
Like your DH, my exH also ignored me for days or weeks. He didn't in fact speak to me for the best part of 2 years, at one point.
I wouldn't put up with this if I were you - it is no way to live. I would start making plans to get out.

ctnmom's picture

Why would you subject your son to this? Or yourself? Give your son the gift of a peaceful household for his prom- move out. Good luck and God bless.

OMG_Why_Me's picture

I lived with a man who would not speak to me for months, we had no relationship at all for the last 4 years we lived together. My children were treated terribly by him and I allowed it to happen for way too long. I finally said "ENOUGH" and threw him out of my home. He later sued me for part of MY HOME and won in the courts here in PA. I had to pay him $26,000 for our divorce........after exposing myself and my two children to years of emotional abuse.

GET OUT FAST! Don't look back. You did nothing wrong by lending your son a tie. This is terrible environment for you and your son to live in. It will be difficult for you, but in the end you will find peace knowing that neither of you will ever have to deal with that abuse ever again.

I felt alone during my last 4 years with my ex and alone during the separation. My daughter still sees a therapist twice a month, and I'm still on meds. Please let us know how you are, and continue to post here. You're not alone! Good luck to you.

WTHDISUF's picture

Leave this relationship. Your child deserves better. I am of the mindset that if we are single and get ourselves in a bad relationship, okay, that's affecting us and it's our choice if we want to stay and be drugged down into the mud. BUT when we have kids, regardless of what we feel or our confusions about the person we date or marry, if they treat our children poorly, that's all that matters. We need to get the hell out right then and there, regardless of what it costs us in heartache or money. We do not have the right as Parents to make our kids suffer our choices. So please get away from this situation. I don't know how long you've been in and why you haven't left it yet but it's time to move on.

Texas_Pete's picture

I would sure ask what was so special about that tie that warranted a screaming fit.. Has he done that before,, just flew apart for no reason?

AFMOM's picture

I agree with TCM, something else was on his mine and that was an outlet. If he does it all the time, then there is an issue. But maybe he is like my SO. He bottles up so much inside, then just explodes with no care of when is around. It sure does take a lot for my SO, but he will confine himself to the garage. It could be work. It could be bills. It could be the kids. It could be the lack of "alone time" you two get. It could be a lot of things. When I try to talk to my husband he just says let him be. This could go on for weeks. Finally he comes around. He may or may not tell me. I usually just tell him he need to get out for a while and let off some steam. For my husband, it's ride his Harley. We have been married for 9 years, and it took years for me to just back off and let him deal with stress how he deals. Most men are not like women. I know I like to talk about what is bothering me, but he doesn't. I can't force him to be like me. I fell in love with him, and so I have to let him be the way he is. Parents get mad. It's just the way it is. We are not perfect. Hopefully, he will appologize to you BS. If it is only hey boy, I'm sorry for the other night, it's not you. Men usually don't have long drawn out appologies anyways.

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

He is emotionally abusing you! I would leave pronto. He sounds like a real asshole. You are too good for him.