FH wants SS14 to go...
SS14 & I do not get along. He does not disrespect me to my face, he does not really back-chat me or refuse openly to do what I ask. He trys to please me but in an a$$-creeping way that makes me mad rather than happy. examples: he will rush for my cell when it rings when I have told the kids not to, he will 'fix' my car radio when I have asked him not to touch it (because he stuffs it up) etc etc
He has ADD but acts stupid just to get negative attention. He doesn't know what time, date, year etc it is because he is not interested and prefers to act dumb so that everyone will feel sorry for him. "Aah shame...it's because the education system let you down when you were in the foundation stage and now you are like this..." WTF! He has no interest in school and it doesn't bug him that he and BD11 are in the same grade and he is heading towards staying in the same grade next year!
FH & I are slowly drifting apart because 1)we don't spend enough time together 2)i am usually still peed off when he gets home (about something the skid has done or not done...then I battle to change gears into a sweet FDW for my FDH and get all 'in the mood' So we end up fighting and he says I'm peed off with him and he can't satisfy me or make me happy etc etc I am never honest with him about what is really wrong because he will say 'my kid is a stuff up and he irritates you and he should go and live with his mother...I don't want him here!' Then I will be the cause of FDH losing his son. So I keep quiet...but as of the last few months, I have this horrible dialogue going on in my head when I even think of SS14...something like "F*cking little turd-brain" then I scold myself and try to think happy thoughts. Try nto be the adult. Truth is I am the one who spends 99% of the time around this child..FDH is always working, teching or gigging. I hide in my room because I don't want to be around him. I have to endure the lies, the stealing, the destroying of our (rented) home, the stealing & wanton destroying of my precious few things and the bickering that goes on between BD11 & SS14. The nags from his teacher on how his homework is not done when I pick him up from school(FH's responsibility...I tried...he doesn't want me to help him), or he disrupts the class etc etc. I am really not this horrible person that I am turning (or have turned)into. I've had stepkids before ...I coped then...why can't I cope now. Why can I not find the strength and 'bigger person in me' to get along with this child - if not for anything else but for FDH's sake? This child belongs with his dad. BM is trailer trash..SS14 totally disrespects her to her face (he loves her & misses her)..but he speaks ugly to her, he won't bath or listen to instructions when he is there (4 times a year), he whines - she spoils him to get him there and then when the money runs out, he act's like a spoiled brat...then she phones FDH and tells him to speak to his son! WTF! I am lucky I don't get this from him. As FDH says, SS14 has a strange respect for me (maybe so, but why does he lie, steal, look at me blankly when I ask him something about his behaviour....all the things that I detest?) But on the bright side, I have taught him manners in these 5 years I have been in his life...he can say 'pardon?' instead of 'huh?' he knows what a knife and fork are for...he now knows the difference between adults and kids and that adults are to be treated with respect. I try my best to treat both bios & skids equally. If I haul them up about something, I make is a general scolding ÿou kids must try to leave the bathroom tidy!" I NEVER target one or the other's behaviour unless it is really necessary.
Now FDH says SS14 is ruining his life (i.e. our relationship) and he must go to his mother next year. Yes it is what I want but - No FDH will be heartbroken! What to do....? I do suffer with heaps of medical conditions which include a hiatus hernia, IBS, Major Depressive Disorder, Allergic Rhinitus & Migraines which makes it generally quite difficult for me to be a positve, happy-go-lucky person - makes it difficult to get up most mornings. But maybe it is best for this child to be with his mother who loves him (even if it is in a materialistic way). She probably will not cope with him, but at least he will be loved. That's all that matters..rite? Then I can give more of myself to my daughter and be a better mother to her. I apologise if I sound like a selfish b*tch...just having a bad day.
Sorry everyone...just needed to vent today. FDH & I are starting date-nights tonight and then we will chat about all this. I just feel like such a fraud!