We have a Wii / game issue. Your thoughts are much appreciated!
BF had a Wii he had bought for the skids before we met. When we all moved in together (2 1/2 yrs ago) i have only seen it about 3 times - SD12 takes it & keeps it at BM's. SS14 has purchased an Xbox with his own $ and could care less about the Wii (the girls are not allowed to touch HIS xbox) my BD11 has wanted animal crossing for a year & a half. Last Christmas BF said to buy it for BD11 & i said we didn't have a Wii. BF said yes we do. Anyways - about 1 1/2 wks ago BF decided that SD12 needed to bring the Wii back & that it wasn't HERS (like she has said & thought) & that it would stay here and belong to all of us. So - last weekend BD11 bought animal crossing with her own $. Last night SD12 wanted to play it & BD11 said no & also she had bought it with her own $ so it is HERS. SD12 told BF. BF & i tried to talk about it & i said it's tough. So BF brought it up with the girls. BD11 said she didn't want SD12 to play it because she may mess up her town. So BF said fine - if you don't want to share it then the Wii belongs to SD12 & SS14 and SD12 can take it to her Mom's whenever she wants.
So - i am torn. i see BD's point because the kids are like that - it is theirs if bought with their own $ and i kind of feel like BF totally renigged by now saying it's pretty much SD12's Wii.
What do you think?
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I think no matter who the wii
I think no matter who the wii belongs to the real question is how do you handle games that belong to one child or another?
We have a family wii, my kids all have some games that are theirs alone (gifts to them, bought with their own money), some that are the families and then SD has some that she takes back with her to BM.
I allow them to not share their game if they want to be that bratty, but I let them know that I think it's a pretty bratty thing to do. And I don't let them hog the wii, especially if they choose to not share.
I've found when they feel the same treatment back to them it sinks in and they find a way to share.
sometimes it becomes a compromise...you an play my game this once but I dont' want you to do this, this or this (destroying previously setup games). If they do then a lesson is learned and they won't share again.
I think kids need to be taught the tools needed to find compromises, not to have their conflict solved for them. but that's just me.
And I really think it would
And I really think it would be a better solution to have one console that belongs to the family and there is no question on who it belongs to. that is just asking for resentment to build.
Go buy a wii !!!
I see both kids point of veiw
I see both kids point of veiw on this situation. I would say, let skid take her game BACK to bm's and then you buy a family wii. Then buy family games that everyone can share, BUT, let the kids also buy their own games that they can share or not share.
The Wii they have is a family
The Wii they have is a family wii at least that was the intention for it's original purpose. Since then, the family has grown to include SM and her BD. I think what DH just said was BD isn't family. I'd be pissed as well.
I guess you didn't see my
I guess you didn't see my blog titled 'SS's WII'
http://www.steptalk.org/node/38215
I feel your pain. I do need to update my blog on what else I found out happened and what dad said when he heard about it.
I did read your blog
I did read your blog yesterday & most of the comments. Then my stuff happened last night - i was going back to read the rest of your blog today. haha. Thanks!
It is supposed to be the
It is supposed to be the family Wii - as BF told all of us, but now since my BD11 doesn't want to share the game she bought with her own $ BF now says it's SD's Wii to do with what she wants. BF purchased the Wii for his house - not just 1 skid.
My BD has $ from xmas to purchase a Wii, but i'd hate to see her do that since we already have one. I am not planning on purchasing one.
Despite my issue with the Wii
Despite my issue with the Wii Console, SS and BS have both received games for birthdays and Christmas that are considered their own. They can choose to not let others play them. They belong to them. However, they are certainly encouraged to share except in the case where they only allow 1 profile and allowing someone else to play it would mess up 'their' profile. Then they don't have to share. But if the other can play the game under their own profile, sharing is expected but not necessarily punished if they choose not to.
They usually end up sharing because they know that the other won't share back if they don't. Plus they get a lecture on being selfish and stingy. But if they want to play alone, with their own game, then they should be allowed provided they follow rules of access to said Wii console
I think your DH is wrong taking a 'family' thing and turning it into a 'SS' thing just as we were wrong in taking a 'SS' thing and making it a 'family' thing. DH may have been just trying to teach your BD a lesson that not sharing is not nice.
Maybe you could give BD a chance to play the game alone as she wants since its new. maybe she's get bored playing alone after a while and want SD to play with her. But it's a new toy, give her a chance to play with it alone if she wants.
The Wii they have is a family
The Wii they have is a family wii at least that was the intention for it's original purpose.
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I am really not getting that vibe. Cowgirl said she has only seen it a few times over the past several years because it has been at bm's. Then all of the sudden dad wants to cheap out (imho) and make his daughter bring back a game that has basically been out of the house for years.
So he make her bring it back and share what I am sure she thought was hers, and she does share, BUT the other kids won't share with her. Bad vibe to it all. I still say just let SD take the wii back where it has been for years and get a family one. Start fresh.
My BD never threw a fit. BF
My BD never threw a fit. BF decided on his own that the Wii he purchased would stay at our house & be used by all living here. He had told the girls that. All was well & then they (BF, SD & BD) were at the mall and BD wanted to purchase a game that she has wanted for over a year (that is not avail for DS - just the Wii)and he let her - with her own $. I had said to BF last night why did you let her get the game? UGH!!!
Neither I or BD have been upset over the wii for the last 2 1/2 yrs. BF just decided on his own that it should stay here.
I respectfully disagree to
I respectfully disagree to the comment that a parent is 'stealing' if they take something away from a child which they purchased with their own money or was given as a gift.
Until that child is 18 and/or moves out, I, as a parent, will 'own' everything in my house. If the child buys a computer with their own money (which I would discourage if not forbid) and they abuse the 'priveledge' by using it when they are not supposed to or going to sites they aren't supposed to, etc, I WILL BE TAKING THAT COMPUTER AWAY! (I use this example because SS has talked about buying himself a computer). Another example, my BS has a serious football card collection... he bought most of them with his own money he earned. If I felt punishment was in order for a warranted infraction, I would not hesitate to confiscate the football cards. I would simply 'hold' them until he deserved them back either by completing the consequences, shaping up or moving out.
We did this when the child was little, didn't we? when they chose to throw their toys that may have been given as gifts, weren't they taken away regardless of how they got them? We didn't say, oh, your poor behavior will be excused and you can do whatever you want with that thing because so-and-so gave it to you?
I call bullshit.
That said, I do believe in respect for others' things. But a child in my house owns NOTHING but what I allow them to have.
nah, I don't think that's
I think we are on the same page
Ask him why it's OK for SS14
Ask him why it's OK for SS14 to not share his xbox (purchased with his own money) but not OK for BD11 to not share her game (purchased with her own money). What's the difference? Maybe once he figures that out, you'll find a solution.
If he still decides the Wii belongs only to SD12, then it needs to be in her private room, not in a family room.
Ultimately, I think you need to explain to your daughter that it's not right for her "own" a game for the family game system without being willing to share it with the rest of the family.
In the future, I honestly believe that allowing a single child to "own" a game console or game for one is a bad move. Those should always be family gifts. Too many hassles, otherwise.
Thank you all so much for
Thank you all so much for your thoughts! I greatly appreciate it. This is such a headache!!!
... he bought most of them
... he bought most of them with his own money he earned. If I felt punishment was in order for a warranted infraction
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I think that is my main concern here. The daughter that has had COMPLETE control and possession of this game for several years is now being treated like she is being bad or being punished. You said it yourself, if you need to take something away as a punishment it is ok...BUT what did this child do wrong except to ask if she could play her Ssisters game?