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Favoritism

Gh4975's picture

I don't know how to handle this.  It's Father's Day & I suggested different plans but my husband couldn't decide or whatever the case was.  I suggested boy's time for our son and my stepson.  Anyway a friend asked about a playdate in the morning for our 4 year olds so I asked my husband if we could come back and then he could take the boys out.  We were only gone 2 hours then when I spoke to my husband he said he & SS would go for a bike ride from his business & then do something with our son.  So I went onto Facebook and my husband posts a picture of the 2 of them at the go kart place!!  What the hell?  Talk about favoritism!!  If I do any little thing that doesn't include SS it's an issue, but there's a definite double standard here!!  I'm so fed up & hurt!  Sorry for the long story!

Mamabearof3's picture

I think liking it just brings attention to the post. But I'm sorry. I would definitely point out the double standard to hubby AFTER he complains to you about your special mommy son day with your son. Otherwise let it go. But never stop having mommy son dates. He should have father son days. And he shouldn't complain when you and your son spend quality time one on one either. It's okay you both prefer your own sons. That's normal and healthy. As long as you're not mean to your step son. 

Gh4975's picture

Thank you I agree with most of what you said and I was only out for 2 hours.  I asked my husband if it was ok because he didn't seem interested in making plans.  He's very last minute and I didn't want to sit around all weekend.  I'm not mean to my ss,but I definitely avoid him because my husband does not do anything his bad behavior and I'm sick of trying.  I know that's not good either,but it's very difficult because he puts almost everything on me!

Ghost22's picture

I get your frustration....

"I hope you and SS had fun karting!! You were gone what, 2 hours? Spent XX dollars? Great... now it's time to spend the same attention, time and money with BS". 

"SS has a BM who does things with him. He has a mom. Guess what, I do things with my son, too."

I know some people may see my reark as a bit over the top. I get that too. That being said I can definitely relate to this post and if im being completely honest that's exactly how I'd respond. 

Gh4975's picture

Thank you!  I was so hurt by what he did.  I didn't understand it.  He's finally starting to spend time with his bio mom again and thank goodness she's strict with him also

Ghost22's picture

I completely get it. I have fought the same battles... I frequently reminded DH that SS has a mom... and I'm not it. Also even though your BIO is young, they will start to notice the difference at some point. Better it get corrected now or that will be DHs loss...

Gh4975's picture

Yes definitely! and when it's the reverse and I do something with or for my son my husband gets some kindof way!  He has double standards 

Ghost22's picture

I hear you! I have a SS14 and a DD2... everyone told my DH he needed to be mindful of balance. He has gotten much better with time. I didn't want my DD seeing a difference in how she was treated vs her brother. Even though she is young now- I can see the difference and am her voice in those moments.

 My SS needed to slow his roll thinking he was gods gift to humanity (along with DH's first and only priority). I reminded DH that life didn't stop when SS was with BM and that we would continue to do things as a family- with or without SS. It's still a struggle at times but has gotten a bit better. My SS is 14 and has nothing going for him. I think my DH woke up to the fact that he wasn't doing him any favors by being his one and only play mate... recovering Disney dad for sure.

Rags's picture

If DH says one word, text him the GoKart pic, comment "Taking him on a bike ride?"  and then  tell him to STFU about how you treat yours until he includes both of his sons equitably.  Sure, different aged kids should get different activities with dad in an age appropriate differentiation.  But ..... FD does not stand for FAVORATISM Day.  It stands for Father's Day.

smh

hereiam's picture

Double standards and favoritism are very common in "blended" family situations, whether it be towards the older children from another BM or the younger children from the current BM.