When to give up
I'm so hurt and fed up. DH and I have been having many problems,but the biggest 1 that he keeps harassing me about is that I don't get along well with SS. DH does not really parent and it's been talked about many times on here. I truly believe that's why he wanted to be married since Biomom has been in and out of the picture for SS. In the summer when SS was in Florida with his aunt, cousins and grandmother he cried to them saying that he didn't want to live with is because of me. It's ridiculous because he just doesn't want to do anything or have any responsibilities. He has the easiest few chores and won't even do them. DH doesn't get on him about anything! SS wanted to live with his aunt or biomother. Recently DH went to family court because biomom wanted more time with SS. I thought things would improve afterwards since DH still has primary custody,but no he's harassing me everyday to treat his son better and be more loving to him. What the heck? If I don't feel it what can I do? I've tried backing off on telling him to do things and to let DH do it if he's around,but there are still problems. It also isn't fair to our son together...why does his older brother get to do whatever he wants? Ugh I could go on. I'm just a broken record. DH refuses counseling and I feel like I'm the only 1 who tries. Divorce seems to be inevidable.
Your husband is delusional.
Your husband is delusional. And selfish. Sorry.
On one hand I can understand
On one hand I can understand that he is fearful of losing his son to BM if he has been the primary parent up until now. However, none of that is your problem.
Obviously the kid needs structure and expectations and discipline when needed. He also needs rewards and to feel wanted- but once again- not your job. This is all your husband's responsibility. It is also your H's job to make sure that all the kids in the house have the same rules. Playing "favorites" isn't fair to any of them.
Sometimes I do think that a couple of weeks apart might help put everything in perspective- one way or the other.
I know you have said a few
I know you have said a few times that you set the standards and enforce with his child because "someone has to". I would come back "or what?". What happens if you don't try to parent or enfoce rules on his son?
That is 100% his father's responsibility and it seems that you have taken on this role that is tailor made to make your relationship conflict ridden with his son.
So stop. Tell your DH that here on out, he is responsible for enforcing house rules.. for setting standards that will apply to his son. And hold your husband to it.. make him do the dirty work with his own kid.
And.. if he doesn't.. what then? it may mean that your younger child ends up with a different outcome.. but aren't these rules and expecations for the good of the child? so isn't the older boy actually getting short changed by not maintaining expectations.. so what if they turn out different.. your concern is your son. period.
If the older child hurts you, your child or damages your property.. then your DH deals with it.
I personally could not stay
I personally could not stay married to someone I felt was "harassing" me, about anything.