8 yo banned from his Dad and SM’s home
I have mixed feelings about this. The boy was 7 when they met, 8 when they married, and then banned when he was close to 9. The SM had a boy who was the same exact age as the SS, abd he lived with them full time, in fact, the Dad adopted him.
The 8 yo who was banned was only allowed to see his dad outside of the house. The dad would frequently leave him lunch money, Christmas gifts, or whatever, at Grandmas house for him to get.
The boy is now in his 20’s and doing well in life, but you can see the pain in his eyes. He is still banned. He has no relationship with his SM because he didn’t know her, and his relationship with his dad is fragile. I finally mustered up the courage to ask him why he was banned, and he said his SM didn’t like him because he smarted back to her a few times, and also, she hated messes in the house. That she’d get up every morning at 7 am and vacuum the entire house everyday because she was so OCD clean. She banned him one day and his dad went along with it, and the rest is history.
I know this sounds like a dream to Stepparents, I know I dreamt about having Skids banned when I was a SM. but it’s really really awful for the skid.
That's terrible.
That's terrible.
I think the only reason it's ok to ban a minor stepkid from the home is if they pose a danger to other people living in the home. That, to me, is the only thing that's acceptable. Kids are assholes - they're messy, they talk back, they all have their moments where they're not enjoyable to be around, especially in the teen years. I don't think it's right to ban them.
But if they make false accusations to CPS, are violent, etc. then it makes sense to me.
I agree. That's incredibly
I agree. That's incredibly selfish on the stepmother's part and the father going along with it is awful. If you marry a guy with kids, you don't get to "ban" his other kids from your home unless they become a danger to you or the other children in the home.
It was never my dream to get rid of my skid - because my DH loves him, and I married DH knowing the kid existed and was important to him.
I think
I think that child’s feelings would depend on how things were presented by the caregiver. As an example,
I was banned from the grandparents on my farther’s side. My dad had first son with another lady and my grandmother somehow felt I was not welcome and I broke her dream of having my dad and his ex together. This is something I understand now.
when I was kid, my parents told me that by going through this life I will meet many people that do not like me and this is totally normal. They told me that the most important is that they love me and that’s it. So I was not having any sad eyes and was living a happy childhood.
but if people reinforce the kid into “poor baby, you are banned, your parents divorced etc etc”, it would indeed impact the child’s life. I see it with my half sibling, my grandparents were victimizing him a lot and he grew up a total looser, waiting for people to wipe his ass, feeling entitled because oh my god, his parents divorced.
If the reasons given for the
If the reasons given for the son being banned are accurate, then the boy's father was a terrible parent and a weak person. It's no surprise that the relationship between the young man and his father is fragile. I hope the boy had a good childhood with his mother, and other male role models/father figures in his life.
While there are most
While there are most definately toxic SKids and Xs, there are also asshole toxic SParents.
With the information provided, daddy is a ball-less prick who let a mentally ill next wife run off his son. In this case... the moment she spoke to banish the kid I would have called the movers to come pack her shit and the locksmith to rekey the locks to purge the crazy rather than the 8yo.
Yeah, who knows if there is
Yeah, who knows if there is more to the story. I cannot imagine him being threatening towards anyone in the family, especially at age 8. But rude? Oh yes. His nickname amongst his friends is “Rude Roger”, but still, rudeness is not a reason to ban your kid. He did have a wonderful stepdad, and I saw on FB that he put a shout out to him on Father’s Day.