Entitled Adult SD27....
It amazes me the self-entitlement that SD has even during her late 20’s. I’ve been in her life since she was 8 years old and have always done my best for her. A few years ago she wanted her father and I to cosign for a car and commented that her mother would make the monthly car payments. Mind you H has been paying CS, so where does the money go is beyond us. Her mother the same person that had to file for bankruptcy and had issues paying her own bills, we were supposed to take her word that she would pay a car note? That was hilarious if you ask me. The same BM that took him to court for a child that was not his. The same woman who never sent us a red cent when their daughter lived with us for 2 years. I can go on and on with this……..
Fast forward to 2016, we had a big blow out where she disrespected her father and cursed me out in our own home. My H made it clear she will not disrespect us and asked her to leave. She took the next flight home (thank goodness she lives out of state) and didn’t have contact with H for months and decides to text an apology. Last time I checked grown women don’t apologize via text but whatever…..at that point I just let things be. After that incident she came over for the holidays and needless to say there was tension that you can just cut with a knife. H is supportive but when it really comes down to addressing the problem he seems to not be 100% committed. He’s in the middle and trying to please two masters.
What have your step children felt that they were entitled to? Did you give in, said no, and what was the outcome? Why as adults do they feel so entitled?
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My SD20 feels entitled to a
My SD20 feels entitled to a car as well. We did tell her we would give her one, but now she is complaining about being able to afford the insurance. Well, then you are not ready for a car! She has an apartment in University city that she has to pay rent and utilities on until August 1. Effective August 1, she will have to pay rent on a new apartment that she has already made a deposit on. She also has a job at a pizza joint a couple of blocks from her apartment. Yet, for some stupid reason, she thinks she needs to come home for the summer? And she expects us to let her drive one of our cars while she's here. I told DH I am not doing that again. He let her do it last summer and we managed to get through with out any disasters, but we were pushing our luck and I'm not doing it again.
So the plan is, when she gets here (in a few days... ugh) he is going to tell her she can have the car as long as she has insurance so he can gift her the car and she can get her own plates, registration and insurance on it. Other than that, she is not driving it. I have already heard some tid bits from Aunt J, that SD has no money. That she owes health services at University money for some tonsil issue she had and Lord knows what else. Oh well. I asked DH what he is going to tell her if she says she can't afford insurance? He said then she's not ready for a car and he is NOT letting her drive it around for the summer on our insurance. We'll see how this goes.... ugh
Daisy, funny how we had this
Daisy, funny how we had this issue with SD driving our car. I told H NO! If our other sons don't drive our car, why should she? They are not under our car insurance and I don't want to risk it, so no to driving the car. She got her panties in a bunch because of course my H didn't have my back on the issue like we agreed on. Needless to say I handled the situation and she won't be driving the car EVER. She can take lyft or Uber for all I care
For once DH and I were
For once DH and I were actually able to have a decent conversation about this. I (nicely) told him that he needs to be a parent. I asked him if HE thinks she actually NEEDS a car. He said no. I asked him if HE thinks she is responsible enough to own a car (i.e. not lose keys, not get parking tickets, get required maintenance etc) He said no. A car is NOT something you give someone and take lightly. He will be causing her a world of trouble by guilty parenting here. I mean if car breaks down and she can't or won't fix it, then what? It gets impounded? If she can't afford her insurance or registration renewal and starts driving it around with no insurance or registration (like her mother does) and gets a ticket or worse, then what?? He knows she is not mature enough for the responsibility of a car. Hell, she's lost her apartment key at least 3 times that we know of in the past 8 months!! Her job and University are within biking or walking distance of her apartment. She.does.not.need.a.car!!!
I think he FINALLY got it, but we will see when she gets here and starts with her lies and manipulation, because DH and I have been on the same page before and he's flopped on me.
The SDs think they are
The SDs think they are entitled to DH's money whenever they need some because BioHo raised them to see "Daddy/Stepdaddy" as The ATM. Never mind the fact that BOTH spend money on crap like expensive coffee drinks, tons of energy drinks, and eating out. Why should they manage their money if Daddy/Stepdaddy will give them some?
I think a lot of employers
I think a lot of employers would want to know the answer to this question too. Why do so many young people feel entitled to so much? I do blame the entertainment media and our colleges because I swear it was just amazing hearing from the college guys that worked for my DH what they were told they should expect upon graduation. 6 figure salaries and weeks and weeks of vacation and of course the job would be fulfilling to them. ack!
My OSD had a much more entitled view of things than her younger sister. She really felt like her parents cheated her because she didn't have fancy designer clothing and shoes.. no brand new cars etc... Never mind that during most of her childhood, her father was a self employed business man that barely covered the costs of getting his businesses off the ground... He covered CS and his expenses... but splurges would have had to come out of MY money and honey.. if I'm not buying North Face jackets at 100 bucks a pop for myself.... no way am I treating YOU to something like that. I am a Marshalls shopper...lol... even GW boutique on occasion.
Mind you that her dad scraped up $2k to buy her a car when she was 16/17 and had her license... of course the car wasn't cool enough for her... THEN... he ponied up $5K towards a really nice.. barely used immaculate used car when she graduated HS which she proceeded to abuse by doing burnouts. Of course, even though we pretty much paid for both the vehicles... when it came time to sell them they were pretty trashed up and not worth much and she never gave us the money from the sales.. and in fact never paid us back for the amount he had spotted her towards the nicer car that she promised she would.
So.. YSD got less of a gimme. She had to pay fully half the cost of her first car plus all the tags & insurance etc.. She had a very modest vehicle but appreciated it. She then bought herself a nicer low mileage car with a small loan that she got with no cosigning when she was 19.
Neither girl got money for college.. Neither can expect us to cosign anything.
I don't know why kids think they are supposed to be handed everything.. where are the days of sharing an apt... and eating ramen? (OSD was too good to have a roommate so she lived alone in a 2br apt).
Maybe it's all that super sweet 16 stuff on MTV... gives an impression that other kids get more? I don't know... but both my SD's know that our well is not for their use...lol.
It's like damned if you do,
It's like damned if you do, damned if you don't. It doesn't matter what we do, its never enough. She always gives her mother all these high praises and never acknowledges are father ( I don't care if she doesn't acknowledge me) and its sad to see that. There are other children between us and two who are much younger but with her its all me, me, me. H pays CS but somehow when SD needs something she goes without because mom uses the money for bills. The blow out that we had I told her that whatever issues she has with what happens to the CS she needs to direct them to her mother and as you can imagine that didn't go over so well. I had to let her know but of course its always easier to direct the anger to the SM.