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What, do I smell or something?!?!?

cpreston's picture

My SD’s bridal shower was this past weekend. We had absolutely beautiful weather
Unfortunately, because of one catty bridesmaid, the shower was not a surprise for my SD… that actually made it a little easier for my and DD to get ready and get out the door

SD Lives in a different state, but is getting married in the same state as we live, (she grew up here and half of her family is here) so she was at our house for the weekend, for "appointments" related to the wedding… I digress

My DD and I got to the restaurant about an hour before guests were to arrive to help the bridesmaids set up

"Horseface" (as my hubby calls his ex-wife, mother of my Step-Children) was already there. My Step-Son’s girlfriend picked her up.
So glad that they dressed up for the event, the girlfriend was wearing jeans and a glorified t-shirt and Horseface was wearing brown coruroy’s with a green sweater and sneakers

Most of the set up was already done, so my DD and I just mingled a little with the maid of honor and some of the brides maids till the guests started to arrive

It was a small shower (25 people) the majority of the guests were my husbands family members, his sisters, sisters in law, and aunt, then there were the brides maids, Horseface, me, my Mom, my step-mom, my daughter and a very close friend of the family

The guests start to arrive, my Mom sits at one table, my step-mom sat with her, and then the rest of my husbands family proceeds to crowd around the table with Horseface, to the extent that they took two chairs from the table that my mother sat at, so that they could SQUEEZE in and sit together

So… it was at one table, me, my mother, my step mother, my daughter and the close friend of the family, who didn’t arrive till lunch was almost over

The other table was the bride and bridesmaids, and the third table, horseface, the leach stepson’s girlfriend and the rest of my husbands family

The exclusionary behavior was so ridiculous and obvious… when we were playing those cute ‘shower games’ Horseface announced winners without even taking answers from anyone at our table

THEN…. THEN… The kicker…!
I told the maid of honor in the planning stages of the shower, when she e-mailed me to plan, that I didn’t want to step on Horsefaces toes, I know she’s out of work, and probably won’t be able to contribute, you and the bridesmaids and the mother of the bride figure out a venue… tell the bridesmaids that I’m pitching in, but keep Horseface as involved as you can.
SURE, no problem!

When the bill came at the end of the party, I went into a separate room with the maid of honor to discuss what my share could be

The bill was small enough, the bridesmaids already put so much out of pocket with little ‘door prizes’ and decorations, and the deposit, that I just took the bill and said "between me and you" and wrote the check
The maid of honor said "what do I do about this?" and she showed me a check for $50 that Horseface wrote… I said, you can put that toward the decorations or deposit that you all paid for… and the maid of honor told me that Horseface asked that she wait six weeks before cashing it so that her “other tax refund check can come in”

WTF? Who does that? I told the maid of honor, just give it back to her if you can… it’ll wind up costing you at your bank when you go to deposit it and the funds aren’t there.

I didn’t want to rock the boat with my husband, or my step-daughter. I could tell my SD noticed the situation because she was over at our table often, talking to my mom and stepmom on and off during the party

I don’t understand it, and I really feel wounded and somewhat betrayed.
This woman lied, cheated, stole, did drugs, drank till she passed out every night, got into a car wreck drunk with her children in the car, as far as I’m concerned was BARELY EVER “mother” to any of her children yet there is my husbands family all clamoring to be around her while she F*cking holds court at my SD’s bridal shower…

I’m afraid that this is the preview to what the wedding is going to be like
(I’m just glad that I get long so well with the grooms family, they’re more fun anyway)

goincrazy.com's picture

OMG- I DREAD this day, you are better then me, i'm not contributing shit. Although it's not about the credit my SD's will shit on me whether I help or not so I'd rather save my $ and my time. BM's always get glorified for the shitty job they don't do raising (or not) their kids.

Kilgore SMom's picture

I understand that your feeling are hurt. I think DH family was trying to get closer to SD not BM. DH should have sat with you, if he had more of his family probably would have also. By SD noticing and trying to make up for it by coming by your table and including you and your family shows what a good person she is. Truth be known SD probably is embrassed by BM would never say anything to her. You did the right thing. Just get through the wedding and know that you were the bigger person, because if the shoes was reversed BM would probably show her butt.

tryingmom's picture

How awkward!! Horseface showed her true colors. }:)

I am glad that we have boys!! When and if BS27 gets married, I'm not sure he'll invite his BD but I will pay for a rehearsal dinner. I will do all the shower and pre wedding stuff needed.

Skids BM will probably want to do a backyard BBQ for the skids rehearsals, so we can be in her space and get treated to the hated stares of her family. Added bonus, we'll probably have to foot the bill as she won't be able to pay for anything! (does she ever pay for anything??)

cpreston's picture

nothing that horseface ever does will surprise me, it's sad to say but it's true
I've been around long enough to have seen the nightmare that this woman has the potential to be to her children

I don't understand the behavior of my husbands family though? I mean really... they had to take chairs from our table and squeeze together around one table so that they didn't have to sit with me and MY family? Aren't they MY family too?
I had two sisters in law over there acting like this

just hurtful...

sandye21's picture

Did it bother you that your DH sat with ex and his family? Who is he planning to sit with at the wedding?

cpreston's picture

Hi Sandye, sorry so late in responding

there were no men at the shower, just the women of the family

Towanda's picture

You showed class. Just keep telling yourself. xxx more months and this will all be over!

I was at a shower last year as just a friend of the family, not related so I could sit back and observe what was happening. They too had a horseface. The DH's family too sat with horseface. From afar, I could tell they all knew she was nothing but a loser but in good spirit, they sat and made light conversation with her. You could see the look in their eyes or their glances. Nothing but pity for this middle aged loser. I knew the bride. I know she is embarrassed of her bio mother. I am sure she felt nothing but relief that bio mom didn't make too big of a scene at the shower.

hang in there! xx more months!

forgotten wife's picture

I feel for you. I always feel that since BM is the mother of the grandchildren of my MIL, she will always be considered "family", whereas , I'm disposable.